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DrRomeoChaire t1_j9nd8pe wrote

Also, please don’t let awkwardness keep you from offering your condolences to a friend that’s lost a parent. All you have to say is “Hey, I heard about your Mom/Dad, sorry for your loss”.

You can’t take away what’s happened, or lessen the grief, but it’s appreciated all the same. I’ve lost both parents in the last 5 years and was grateful when people acknowledged what I was going through in even a simple way.

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awak2k t1_j9nfzx1 wrote

Also maybe something other than “ sorry for your loss” or worse “my condolences to you and your family”. After a bit, those particular words are almost infuriating coming in from everywhere.

Just let them know you love them and your there if needed. Original comment is valid, I suggest just doing it differently.

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DrRomeoChaire t1_j9nglg6 wrote

Absolutely, use whatever words feel right for you. The point is to acknowledge the loss, and it doesn’t have to be a big discussion (of course it can be, depending on the relationship) That’s all I was trying to say.

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awak2k t1_j9nh0ue wrote

For sure bud, hope you’re good anyway, it’s a shitty thing.

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DrRomeoChaire t1_j9nhl34 wrote

Yep, I’m good now thanks.

Before I lost someone myself, I always felt awkward about bringing it up, as if I’d be reminding them of something painful they’d forgotten and wouldn’t want to remember.

When it was my loss, the acknowledgments felt like someone cared.

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Small_Pleasures t1_j9nzsih wrote

My mom died at 56. You better believe that I answered every phone call no matter what for years after that.

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redmambo_no6 t1_j9o8qw1 wrote

For real. My mom (63) passed away a year ago this coming Monday (cervical cancer) and I didn’t tell her I loved her enough…among other things.

Now I tell my dad (64 in august) I love him before he goes anywhere and every night before I go to bed.

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Icy-Piglet-8441 t1_j9o65yd wrote

Assuming you like your parent's

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jotsea2 t1_j9oki9a wrote

True, and there’s some fucked ip relationships out there that can be toxic.

That said, there’s still a bond, and you’ll likely miss them when their gone if their behavior isn’t completely toxoc

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Namyag t1_j9pcm6e wrote

I wanted to say this. I liked my mother (who died last year) way more than my father. To my father's credit he's not overtly abusive, but I certainly do not like him as a person, and if/when he dies, I am 99.99% sure I wouldn't even be a tenth as devastated as when my mother died.

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NeoWereys t1_j9odfi2 wrote

Lost my mom when I was 21. Can't overstate how important this LPT is.

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weluckyfew t1_j9oj7f8 wrote

On a related note, if your parents are elderly check in with them on their finances. Make sure you or someone they trust has easy access to all their money, has medical power of attorney, and that their investments make sense for their age.

Also see if you need to start putting up grab bars, shower seats, and perhaps some sort of smartwatch or voice activated emergency system.

My 84-year-old mother lived alone. Last month she fell going down the stairs. She laid on the floor for two or three days, unable to move with a broken hip and a broken arm, thinking this was how she was going to die. One of her friends got worried when she didn't return her calls, so she came over and found her, and they got her to the hospital in time.

I had plans to visit her just two weeks later, and one of the things on my list was getting her some sort of life alert system. Unfortunately that idea came a little too late for her.

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Toby_The_Tumor t1_j9nfjth wrote

My dad is 73, and my mom could slit her throat for all I care. I cherish every day I walk into the front room and he's sitting on that rocking chair on the porch.

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fishbootlives t1_j9ogm82 wrote

In My circle of seven friends from elementary school, and we’ve lost our first parent. It was back in November but I can’t explain how utterly gutted I am to have lost her. I’ve known her and her mom since we were two years old I turned 29 the week after her funeral. When you have the chance to say goodbye to someone you absolutely have to take it.

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keepthetips t1_j9na2bg wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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xanthraxoid t1_j9ogqci wrote

My granddad died a few years back, and an uncle a year ago. I've found myself even more keen to spend time with all my relatives, particularly my gran who's in her nineties and losing her memory. Whenever I'm with her, I just bask in her presence, filled with a bittersweet certainty that these times are far more precious than I can know, and are palpably finite...

I'm making sure that I express love and appreciation for everyone in my life, especially family, and especially those who're getting on in years.

Hey, guys. Don't let any family feud or past awkwardness get in the way of this stuff - I promise that 99% of those disagreements are ultimately chaff that isn't worthy to get between you and your family or friends.

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317862314 t1_j9ohmia wrote

This is a good pro tip.
Somehow I got in this dumb habit of saying no to offers to do things.
I was always too busy, I had to work, my friends whated to hang out on the weekend.

Now one of my parents passed and I regret not doing more with them.

Makes me cry thinking about it.

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Ambitious-Load-7670 t1_j9oukbn wrote

This only applies to children whose parents havn't emotionally abandoned them for their new spouses. Its not fun dealing with mental issues and having your biological parents not take any responsibility for your trauma since they just wanted to keep having bandaid kids until an inevitable divorce

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destinyrose36 t1_j9qxvwy wrote

This is a harsh reality. We just found out my father has colon cancer. He was really constipated and ended up in the hospital. He was there for a week to have a stent put in so he could have bowel movements. He's supposed to get the tumor removed in two weeks, but he has never followed through with doctors. He says he's going to make sure to go, but I'm afraid he won't. He lives with us in my home, but there's only so much I can do to force him. I'm trying to accept that my father is mortal, bc I have always avoided thinking about it. All I can do is hope like hell he cooperates.

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CollinUrshit t1_j9se8ee wrote

On the opposite side of this is, appreciate your kids and time with them. When they move out, you’ve likely have spent 90+% of the time you’ll get to be with them in person.

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