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eltegs t1_ja7nc5e wrote

Ask her to start telling you to get off your arse all the time, until you do it automatically.

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ClassyBroadMSP t1_ja7o8wl wrote

That's a great way for them to start resenting each other

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kcf2816 t1_ja7oref wrote

Yeah I'm guessing (hoping) this is a tongue-in-cheek suggestion

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eltegs t1_ja7ouui wrote

Not if it's a request, and one which ultimately aids in stopping resentment.

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ClassyBroadMSP t1_ja7w8yo wrote

Not in my world. That can go south very quickly. AND it still puts the onus on the girlfriend.

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eltegs t1_ja7y6is wrote

The girlfriend is biting her tongue, and the resentment is beginning.

A request for help, is permission to stop biting tongue, and halt the resentment.

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ClassyBroadMSP t1_ja7yyb8 wrote

Have you met a woman?

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eltegs t1_ja7z6e6 wrote

Well I have 4 adult daughters, so yes.

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ClassyBroadMSP t1_ja7ztf9 wrote

Ok, so you are at least middle-aged, as am I. The rules have changed, my dude.

OP realizes that he and the gf don't have the same standards. He wants to learn how to meet those standards, which is absolutely lovely (well done, OP!). Your suggestion is to put the responsibility on the girlfriend by asking her to continually pointing out things she isn't happy with. Today the counters, tomorrow the penis. There is no good outcome here.

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eltegs t1_ja814cm wrote

Sadly, yes they have. Now people ask strangers on the internet, rather than having an adult conversation with their beloved.

Which brings me to my belief that our conversation has already run its course, in this matter of opinion.

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0-768457 t1_ja9nqvs wrote

Have you heard of the mental load?

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eltegs t1_ja9q9j9 wrote

Yes.

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0-768457 t1_ja9qsb0 wrote

Solutions like this one can lead to more frustration and resentment because one party carries the entire mental load. It can also be detrimental to the relationship because it feels… almost parental, living with someone who needs to be reminded to take out the trash and do the dishes and fold their laundry

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eltegs t1_ja9x20c wrote

No-one has to carry that responsibility.

It is advise that the OP can ponder and take or leave, and if taken have an adult conversation with his sweetheart, whether such a plan is appropriate for them.

By the sounds of the replies I'm getting, It's like I suggested he drag her into a cave and force her to do as she's told.

I'm done here.

Over and Out.

Edit: the replies, not this replies.

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0-768457 t1_jaasfvo wrote

Huh? I’m not sure why you’re acting like I’m suggesting you be burned at the stake. You shared your opinion publicly, which allows people to reply, contribute, expand on your thoughts, or disagree. They should certainly be respectful, but disagreeing with you isn’t inherently disrespectful.

I’m just pointing out that your proposed solution is not creating an equal division of labor, and is likely to detrimentally impact the relationship. This is relevant since OP seems to be motivated by a desire to keep an even division of labor for the sake of the relationship. If she is managing the mental load, his fiancé will still feel like she’s doing the majority of the work, because she will be.

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eltegs t1_jaaxdil wrote

Sorry, I wrote wrong, and never meant to single you. I've edited the offending comment.

You are correct of course. And I'm free to end my engagement on what is a matter of opinion. I'm not here to change anyone's mind.

Thanks for your time.

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