Stay off social media and recognise that most people question themselves, and if they don't they're probably psychopaths.

1. Develop an attitude of collaboration with yourself instead of obligation. Instead of "Oh fuck, I have to do all these chores" (the attitude of a child afraid of getting in trouble) try "future me will appreciate all these leftovers I'm about to make" or "I'm so exhausted, I can't clean up everything right now, but I'll still do the most important part so I don't feel overwhelmed tomorrow." Taking care of yourself isn't about earning praise or getting an A. It's about being on your own team & rooting for your own success.

2. Set small, achievable goals, and follow through on them. Keeping promises to yourself builds self trust and self-respect. These things do not appear overnight. They are earned through showing up consistently for yourself. Importantly, do not set yourself up to fail by starting with something too big! Baby steps. Literally it can be "make your bed in the morning" or "drink water." Choose the things that are easy and have a noticeable impact on your wellbeing. Have patience when you mess up and try again.

3. Basically, start thinking of yourself as your best friend. Literally simple things like using friendly pet names like "hon" or "buddy" when talking to yourself makes such a difference.

I saw this tiktok recently where a woman started every day talking to herself in the mirror the way she talks to her dog: "Hello precious! Aren't you just the cutest thing in the world? I love you, yes I do!" It sounds so dumb, but it helped shift the default voice in her head from being critical to being supportive. Like when something bad happened or she made a mistake, instead of immediately thinking "I'm such an idiot!" or "why does the the world hate me?" she would think "Oh no! That's a bummer, but we'll figure it out." Way more encouraging. If you notice that you're beating yourself up, interrupt that voice and say "hey, shut up. that's my friend you're talking about!"

If any of this sounds like not your voice, that's fine, change it to what you'd say. The important thing is treating yourself like your own ride-or-die. Practicing showing yourself the respect you'd show a best friend.

Listen to the limiting self-belief and laugh at it. See it for what it’s really worth - which is nothing. It’s a story, a construct, and it’s not real. So erase the narrative and write yourself a new one

Get off screens. Do things that challenge you. Start small. Persist. Try something more challenging. Persist.

In my experience, it was therapy what helped me leave behind those thoughts and beliefs.

You can try r/EMDR

Most damaging beliefs are the result of painful experiences that leave an impact on our brains. Therapy helped me identify the negative beliefs, identify the emotion behind them, identify the situation/s that caused it, and then (and this is the most difficult part) reconcíliate with the trauma and substitute the negative belief for a positive (and truer) idea.

It’s hard. That’s why one needs the help of a therapist to connect with these level of your identify! But I truly recommend it, and I wish you find a smart, honest, and well-prepared therapist.

Best!

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If you are interested to get more technical with your thoughts, read on cognitive biases and CBT. It really helped me, but I realize it might not be for everyone. Doing so helped me to deconstruct my limiting beliefs and build new thoughts pattern (a new belief system) that are better suited for my enjoyment of life. I think life is all about evolution, each of my flaws and each conflict is a opportunity for character development. I think confidence comes from the knowledge that failure isn’t the end, it’s actually an opportunity to learn. If you don’t let it discourage you, you will get better until you can archive what you are aiming. If you don’t make the same mistakes over and over again, you’ll see a considerable shift in your thoughts, as you’ll notice you’re improving with each step, and eventually, you’ll notice your self-esteem rise. Chose what are the basis on which you determine your own self-worth, and work on that. It’s not immediate at all, but over time if you repeat something long enough, it’ll become true. For exemple, I previously based too much of my self worth from external validation and when I started this exercise, I thought it would be impossible to change that, but over a span of 1-2 years, I am not longer paralyzed over what people think of me because I kept saying to myself that I shouldn’t worry about what I couldn’t control. I am certainly not immune to the opinions of people around me, but it doesn’t stop me anymore from doing what I want and say what I think (in a respectful way). Hope it makes sense

Try the 2 minute Wonder Woman power pose.