1. Develop an attitude of collaboration with yourself instead of obligation. Instead of "Oh fuck, I have to do all these chores" (the attitude of a child afraid of getting in trouble) try "future me will appreciate all these leftovers I'm about to make" or "I'm so exhausted, I can't clean up everything right now, but I'll still do the most important part so I don't feel overwhelmed tomorrow." Taking care of yourself isn't about earning praise or getting an A. It's about being on your own team & rooting for your own success.

2. Set small, achievable goals, and follow through on them. Keeping promises to yourself builds self trust and self-respect. These things do not appear overnight. They are earned through showing up consistently for yourself. Importantly, do not set yourself up to fail by starting with something too big! Baby steps. Literally it can be "make your bed in the morning" or "drink water." Choose the things that are easy and have a noticeable impact on your wellbeing. Have patience when you mess up and try again.

3. Basically, start thinking of yourself as your best friend. Literally simple things like using friendly pet names like "hon" or "buddy" when talking to yourself makes such a difference.

I saw this tiktok recently where a woman started every day talking to herself in the mirror the way she talks to her dog: "Hello precious! Aren't you just the cutest thing in the world? I love you, yes I do!" It sounds so dumb, but it helped shift the default voice in her head from being critical to being supportive. Like when something bad happened or she made a mistake, instead of immediately thinking "I'm such an idiot!" or "why does the the world hate me?" she would think "Oh no! That's a bummer, but we'll figure it out." Way more encouraging. If you notice that you're beating yourself up, interrupt that voice and say "hey, shut up. that's my friend you're talking about!"

If any of this sounds like not your voice, that's fine, change it to what you'd say. The important thing is treating yourself like your own ride-or-die. Practicing showing yourself the respect you'd show a best friend.