OKR123 t1_j2d1phd wrote on December 31, 2022 at 9:45 AM

Be cautious of blanket advice like this. A partner who desires that you spend a portion of time together just as a couple is not necessarily doing it for control. A partner who can help you recognize toxic influences from your family or existing social circles and wishes to help you get away from them can be a very good thing. If you are losing touch with friends and feeling isolated, then definitely conversations need to be had, and counseling may be necessary. A good partner will be open to it and accept that the relationship may need rebalancing. If those conversations are fruitless, or counseling is rejected then consider Ging TFO.

thot-provoker t1_j2d3nz3 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:12 AM

Honestly the real LPT is always in the comments.

papawish t1_j2d6oce wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:55 AM

Thank you for having some measure.

Things like relationships can't be explained in a single phrase.

Traveltheworld1971 t1_j2dbci1 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 11:57 AM

I have a friend like this who given the opportunity would go out to happy hour every night and go home with a different man every night to escape the control she felt her husband and others in her life put on her. I tried really hard to give her a safe place to talk so if she did have too much to drink, I wasn’t going to try to get in her pants. Eventually, most of her past experiences came out, things she hadn’t shared with anyone (which explained a lot). We slowly worked to help get her to a better place in life and the ability to make better decisions for herself. On the surface, her husband looks controlling, but in reality he is serving as an anchor to keep her from doing the things that she really wants to do that would be completely destructive

Sheila_Monarch t1_j2dwen6 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 3:18 PM

And “for your own good/safety” is often the excuse given. It’s also infantilizing.

Blue_winged_yoshi t1_j2dqngc wrote on December 31, 2022 at 2:33 PM

A partner who desires spending some time together is just normal and clearly not what this is about, a partner who pushes someone to open eyes to toxic influences can be great, but this post is about partner induced isolation - This is a scarily common phenomenon that people need to keep their eyes open to.

Suggesting communication if you feel like you are being isolated misses the point that people who isolate partners will gaslight if put on the spot about it before continuing to further isolate. Furthermore, golden rule of couples counselling is do not participate in it if in an abusive or coercive relationship. A manipulative partner will agree to couples therapy and run rings round their victim.

Really this comment appears well intentioned but is much more misguided than it might appear to some folks. If a new partner is isolating anyone from friends and family then leave whilst you still have friends and family to support you because once you’re estranged leaving is 10000000 x more difficult and you don’t know what comes next.

OKR123 t1_j2e8oeh wrote on December 31, 2022 at 4:45 PM

Nope. Leaving is actually always easy. You also NEVER know what comes next. Even staying and working with a flawed partner, who may not even realise how controlling their behaviour is, is a tougher choice, and not an always wrong choice. You seem strongly invested in narratives of irredeemable extreme narcissistic personality disorders, which are very rare, and even as a disorder there are people on the milder ends of the spectrum who can be helped not to be so controlling and steered away from manipulative behaviours. Sacrificing absolutely everyone's perfectly navigable relationships just because there are some people some people out there that are psychopaths is too severe a point of view to count as an LPT.