Ahh, I see. Well you must have some well-behaved family members. Unfortunately in my house such an enigmatic explanation might actually arouse greater curiosity and have the unintended consequence of heightening my kids' scrutiny of what I do with Christmas packages because they have the habit of snooping in our stuff. The number one adverse outcome would be having yet another hiding spot being compromised.

Current standard operating procedure dictates that any inquiry made by a non-adult occupant of our house in regard to the contents of a shipped package which happens to contains sensitive materials be fielded with one of two carefully considered responses: "books" or "cleaning suppies". I can assure you it is 100 percent effective in this house. I predict a zero percent chance of there ever being posed a single follow-up question.

The moment my kids think there's something to look for in the bowels of our house is the moment I lose one of a dwindling number of spots I can stash things like lube or contraband.

The stakes are high. I'd like to continue to smoke weed privately every once in awhile after my kids are asleep. It gives me something to do on a few or many of the 350-some nights of the year when im not having lube-assisted semi-annual sex with my wife.