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AficionadoOfBoop OP t1_iychdi4 wrote

Reply to comment by Kilr_Kowalski in LPT request: How to deal with ambivalent feelings towards someone? by AficionadoOfBoop

Because I'm not the most internally/mentally stable and consistent individual and there are certain factors that affect my reasoning and behavior. I guess.

For example, my attachment style is quite clearly avoidant. That means that I deeply crave intimacy, but at the same time distance myself from people when they get too close, like in romantic relationships. I find it very hard to commit, often fixate on the negatives (no matter how miniscule) and so on, if that makes sense.

Basically, I can't fully rely on my "gut feelings" about people because some of my defense mechanisms masquerade as gut feelings.

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Kilr_Kowalski t1_iychqnj wrote

but for this relationship it has either ended because you should have ended it or because you shouldn't have.

Either way means that you should not be the one to undo this.

The first because it is the wrong move and the second because your malfunction is not repaired enough to be a fair partner to the person that you ran from.

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AficionadoOfBoop OP t1_iychw7o wrote

Why would it not be up to me to undo my wrong move, if it was a wrong move?

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Kilr_Kowalski t1_iyci84p wrote

It is entitled and unfair because, as you admit, you are not emotionally mature enough for the relationship (If that is the case).

One last thing- I think of these things like crossing the Rubicon. Once a breakup occurs, things will always be different.

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AficionadoOfBoop OP t1_iycifxb wrote

Sure, but most things can be worked through. Breakups, divorces, infidelity, you name it.

But thank you anyway, I think I understand how you mean.

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CasualObservationist t1_iyd49v0 wrote

The statistics are not in favor of your opinion on partner relationship repair. Most people do not ultimately work it out and repair it. They may try but it just repeats and often times the drama is amplified eventually

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AficionadoOfBoop OP t1_iyd5lnh wrote

Most people aren't in relationships that are worth repairing anyway, it seems.

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