I’m honestly amazed you didn’t consider this before the fact. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid in the 80s and I legit thought it’s just a thing everyone does.

Not even relegated to just significant others. Like plans were put into place with friends and back up friends when I was a kid. Our goal at that age was to get out of the family event as quickly as possible so we could all meet up after the fact, for our own “celebration”.

These days though, at my age, I don’t even try to play around anymore. I just tell people no when I don’t feel like doing a thing. If they keep talking to me after the fact? COOL. If they stop talking to me after I say no?

Well they clearly weren’t interested in an actual friendship to begin with, so no skin of my back.

As for escape plans? You’re absolutely right and they should be established ahead of time. That being said, I can plan for weeks and remind my husband daily “if I say this, it’s time to go” and it doesn’t matter.

He gets so caught up in whatever that by the time I say our escape phrase? He’s already forgotten it and will then hit me with a barrage of questions right in front of the people I’m trying to get us away from.

As a result, over the decades, I’ve learned that’s it’s just easier and more socially acceptable to turn down invites when you get them, instead of trying to be polite about it and ending up in a situation that you never wanted to be in; in the first place.