Submitted by Cephelapod t3_z649d6 in LifeProTips
Arthritis can be agonizing, look for red or swollen knuckles. Even a hard case WW2 vet can be in excruciating pain for days if you go in for the crush.
Comments
[deleted] t1_ixzfq4r wrote
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909-A1 t1_ixzhbto wrote
Thank you. Please don't assume it is just arthritis. I messed up my wrist several years ago. I am not an older person. I had to pick up my son from middle school and met a teacher in the office. She shook my hand, and I nearly sunk to my knees because of the pressure. She had no way of knowing I had a problem. I stopped shaking hand after that until it was completely healed.
cocacola999 t1_ixzi69f wrote
Yeah no idea why people even do anything other than a light shake. Also don't match their grip either. My grandmother before she died had a death grip
Cephelapod OP t1_ixzjqsk wrote
Yes, it is hard to refuse a handshake sometimes, especially here in the UK. But I never understood the death grip thing with many blokes of a certain age and demeanour. I experienced it a lot in the 80’s and 90’s. I had no idea arthritis could be so painful and debilitating until recently. I am around a lot of elderly people and when we chat it is a common topic, especially for men, the abject fear of someone moving in for a handshake.
FlakeyGurl t1_ixzjsky wrote
I just do a dainty little squimch. Not quite a squish or a pinch just very lightly applied pressure if any. Usually men will only take the tips of my fingers and sometimes other women as well. When in doubt it's okay to only shake with fingers/finger tips. (My hands are small so usually men's hands swallow mine up. It depends on the person.)
Cephelapod OP t1_ixzk2iy wrote
I guess I was getting more at taking your cue from their grip as an arthritis sufferer would be unlikely to squeeze harder than they could manage without pain.
Zebrahead033 t1_ixzx9ho wrote
I used to train my grip with those hand crushers you try and squeeze together. I actually got to the point where I could almost close the 350.
You could see the panic in people's faces when we shook hands. Men and women. I had no idea how strong my hands were.
What I thought was just a good, confident, firm handshake was actually painful for others.
Cephelapod OP t1_iy080kx wrote
If you get a hand crusher try to pull back and squeeze their fingers was the advice I was given.
0ba78683-dbdd-4a31-a t1_iy0f48x wrote
Because what's normal for a 30 year old can be agony for a 70 year old, hence this post.
Matching pressure is a key part of any good handshake.
MycologistPutrid7494 t1_iy0tfah wrote
Every old man I've ever shaken hands with has intentionally crushed my hand as if it's a test of their personal worth.
Aware-Cantaloupe3558 t1_iy0zvrd wrote
You ever wonder why we shake hands instead of just say hello ? The origin of the handshake is that it was a way to show that you weren't holding a weapon, at least not in that hand. And I believe the strength of the handshake was to demonstrate that you are strong enough not to be messed with when unarmed. I'm not sure what else you communicate by squeezing too hard. Handshaking is an old custom. So don't stop shaking hands, you just don't need to overpower the other person. It's not like thumb wrestling.
prrt_frrt_toot t1_iy13lrk wrote
My grandma has a pretty effective defense mechanism in place. She will just quickly grab your fingers before you can properly lock your palms together and squeeze your fingers real tight. 😅
MydoglookslikeanEwok t1_iy16uwb wrote
Ok, it’s a nice tip, but an even better tip is not shaking anyone’s hand. Eww. Not counting viruses, most men don’t wash their hands after touching their penis when they use the bathroom. Just nasty. No thanks, I will not shake your hand.
Wendy28J t1_iy16zzw wrote
No chance of discomfort..... Not so fast, my dear.
You underestimate arthritis. Something as simple as wringing out a wash cloth can trigger a week long flair up so painful you can't rotate your wrist to use that wash cloth to wipe your face in the shower. A simple twist of a can opener handle can leave you nausiatingly dizzy with pain for days.
Take care of your bones while you're young. Nature will bring you enough pain from heredity and/or wear and tear that you definitely don't want bone injuries to exacerbate it further.
kms2547 t1_iy17jwc wrote
> No chance of discomfort..... Not so fast, my dear.
You're right, I overstated things.
Considerably lower chances of discomfort than the finger-squeeze.
stuckpixel87 t1_iy1h020 wrote
Have an uncle who always applies excessive amount of pressure to the point of crushing your hand if you're not "fighting back" and not letting go of your hand when shaking it as a power move. Extremely uncomfortable.
That coupled with his extremist right wing worldview and strong belief in conspiracies and always wanting to one-up everyone in the room really made me cut ties with him like 10-15 years ago.
Saw him 2 years ago at my dad's funeral, he's even worse now. And that weird handshake again, and trying to explain why my dad really died, like, the fuck is your problem?
Hotdogbrain t1_iy1iydi wrote
High school, I’m meeting my gf’s grandma for first time. She’s ancient, I’m trying to be polite so when we shake hands I go super light cause I don’t want to hurt her. Later she tells my gf I have a “limp” grip and she doesn’t trust me…yeah she was a bitch.
Neiot t1_iy1laf2 wrote
I give tough handshakes that I give army vets and mechanics. One day, I offered an older lady a handshake. Out of habit, I gave her a crushing grip shake and I felt so bad because her hands were limp and fragile. I apologized to her profusely. I didn't mean to crush her hand. I hope she was ok.
Everest_95 t1_iy1lj9i wrote
Was you tempted to shake her hand next time and crush it?
Neiot t1_iy1lmv9 wrote
I give strong handshakes to dudes with robust hands who work in mechanics, construction, and heavy military equipment. Some of their shakes are quite the crushing kind, so it quickly became a habit to give those types of shakes in kind.
One day, I offered an older lady a handshake. Out of habit, I gave her an enthusiastic, but crushing shake. I realized my mistake during the shake because her hand was frail and limp, and I was so sorry. I felt horrible. I apologized end-on-end.
Hotdogbrain t1_iy1m0h3 wrote
Yeah, but luckily I only really saw/dealt with her a few times after that and didn’t bother saying anything. GF basically told me that she was just an old shrew, leave it alone.
bertbarndoor t1_iy1nj3w wrote
Don't squeeze at all. They forget they can't shake hands but they still try. I almost killed the father of the bride at a wedding once. Legit he half collapsed and cried out in pain. I felt terrible.
bdbdbokbuck t1_iy1p7xo wrote
Boomer Here: can attest. I have arthritis in my hands, especially right pinky finger.
[deleted] t1_iy1pqh4 wrote
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UsualAnybody1807 t1_iy1rmo3 wrote
No more handshaking for me. Fist bump or elbow tap.
darkhawkabove t1_iy24j30 wrote
As one with arthritic hands I can say that this is fantastic advice!
PurpleSkittlezzzzz t1_iy282xs wrote
Got my hand crushed by a old guy today. This is on point.
SeveranceZero t1_iy2mfpk wrote
Idk, the real LPT is from a few posts above you. Check your ego at the door and just give people normal handshakes.
Cephelapod OP t1_iy2pga9 wrote
This is a really good point. Defensive handshaking!
foggy-sunrise t1_iy38exi wrote
Because generations of men have told us that a good, firm handshake is important when meeting someone new. Not sure their reasoning other than being memorable, maybe? 🤷♂️
CheezDanishAnusSmell t1_iy3i449 wrote
I do this with everyone. I just try to match their grip. You get the stupid old men who like to squeeze really hard. But most people just do a light squeeze.
raccoonsonbicycles t1_iy7ek18 wrote
Common thing my dad taught me was just flex your hand muscles (kinda like knife hand but cupped to shake obviously) without squeezing so they squeeze and feel a firm hand but you're not crushing them
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