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work-a-day_schlub t1_itqkp3y wrote

Reply to comment by spoonfullofrage in LPT REQUEST: How do you nicely decline to answer a question? by letstradeshallwe

It's a diversionary tactic which could make a person feel defensive since you are directly choosing not to answer their question.
It could also be interpreted as aggressive or implying the asker has nefarious intent.

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o-ater t1_itr3xt4 wrote

...and the great part about that is you don't have to own their emotions or reactions to your answers.

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work-a-day_schlub t1_itrat4g wrote

You don't have to own them, no. But, you do have to work with these people so the consequences of burning bridges is still very real.

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o-ater t1_itrrjq3 wrote

Not really. I was taught to ask the question "Why would you like to know?" in a friendly way with a smile and that would not burn a bridge but give visual and audio cues to the person that you are flattered by the question and it is now up to them to determine how to respond and engage in a conversation versus harvesting facts about me.

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work-a-day_schlub t1_itrvupg wrote

Think whatever you like. Delivery has a lot to do with it but it still won't make a person feel good and they probably won't tell you that. Nothing about that response would make a person feel you are flattered by their question. It will make them feel you are being cagy and intentionally withholding.

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o-ater t1_itsot2b wrote

And give them enough self awareness to ease off if they feel that way. You don't owe them anything. You don't need to sacrifice your privacy and emotions to satisfy their curiosity or their feelings.

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work-a-day_schlub t1_itsv5u1 wrote

Both of these things are true simultaneously. Yes, you can protect your privacy at all cost and treat people coldly. You can also cause yourself future difficulties because people don't trust or like you because you've treated them like NPCs and not people. We all have our priorities.

Edit: people don't develop "self awareness" when you treat their polite interest with hostility. They assume things about you because you've given them no other choice.

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o-ater t1_itt21hu wrote

Well, we all know what happens when you assume.

There is no "hostility" in asking a question to answer a question. Tone is important and as I've stated, when said with a smile and a friendly tone, the question fosters a conversation instead of a transaction for personal information.

It's important to establish your image or "brand" in your career and it's equally important to establish boundaries between professional and personal life. Using the question "Why would you like to know?" in a friendly and polite way is a good way to deal with the LPT request.

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