Submitted by ChurchOfAdonitology t3_11crg7n in Jokes
Gum
Comments
[deleted] t1_ja4nag4 wrote
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BlazerWookiee t1_ja4o4nm wrote
Ramen
Error_Loading_Name t1_ja4ofbm wrote
Teabag
[deleted] t1_ja4p04w wrote
[deleted]
martsand t1_ja4phoh wrote
Taco bell
Skelligean t1_ja4qbj0 wrote
Thank you Captain Obvious
ExpressDesk7740 t1_ja4qkux wrote
A burial
Gloomy_Square_6204 t1_ja4qm9r wrote
Digestive in a cup of tea
ExpressDesk7740 t1_ja4qs8l wrote
Or the hooker in my car boot
[deleted] t1_ja4qwto wrote
[deleted]
Zeric79 t1_ja4rc6n wrote
What kind of food are you eating?
MiceTonerAccount t1_ja4rsui wrote
JumboBoii t1_ja4usmj wrote
「 SOFTU AND WET 」
Phil0sophic t1_ja4ut5j wrote
Chewing gum.
[deleted] t1_ja4vajs wrote
any nut tho i dont like the way it comes out
PixelBits89 t1_ja4vbld wrote
For some people it still comes out hard and dry. Or just won’t come out…
PixelBits89 t1_ja4veyf wrote
Yes. The punchline is the subversion of this not being the answer
[deleted] t1_ja4vnk2 wrote
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[deleted] t1_ja4vpmo wrote
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zharrt t1_ja4vus5 wrote
Spaghetti
Rare_Example_7120 t1_ja4vycl wrote
My mind is in the gutter smh
Chemical-Routine9893 t1_ja4wnbj wrote
Trying to defrost bread in the microwave.
Whose_my_daddy t1_ja4wt48 wrote
Lube is your friend
MaxRelaxZone t1_ja4xh77 wrote
Scotch
[deleted] t1_ja4xjij wrote
[deleted]
IrishHuskie t1_ja4ygfz wrote
Spaghetti
BigTip1306 t1_ja4zjau wrote
Cement ?
Few_Distribution_817 t1_ja4zrb1 wrote
Spaghetti
[deleted] t1_ja4zzbc wrote
Pasta?
BunnyBallz t1_ja504i2 wrote
Dry Spaghetti out of the box.
Albionflux t1_ja549pp wrote
Penis after sex
CleaveIshallnot t1_ja54k9x wrote
Mud caked clothes?
No_Cartographer_5212 t1_ja5589a wrote
Boiled eggs!
Draconic_Soul t1_ja56xek wrote
When I had braces, I actually did this. Especially when the old thread was just replaced by a new/smaller thread. My teeth hurt pretty bad, so I didn't want to have to chew much.
I found it that microwaving frozen slices of bread with peanut butter and chocolate sprinkles made them come out so soft and warm that I didn't even really need to chew at all (as long as I finished it before it cooled down, because after a while it would become pretty tough and hard)
onairmastering t1_ja58nkf wrote
At least tell the full freakin' joke.
blakeschluchter t1_ja59y6k wrote
Pasta
db720 t1_ja5aidg wrote
Especially noodles
Useful_Protection270 t1_ja5aqz4 wrote
Pasta
skaote t1_ja5awp7 wrote
Washcloth in the shower
ChurchOfAdonitology OP t1_ja5bfap wrote
The full joke is there
onairmastering t1_ja5bp7s wrote
Lazy, huh, cool, it's Sunday.
Waitsfornoone t1_ja5ftic wrote
Gum ... if it's far enough in the bum.
peter_the_martian t1_ja5gzew wrote
Asian pears after 267 weeks in my fridge
MatthewM69420 t1_ja5hdbp wrote
That’s far too many weeks to be in a refrigerator.
Genderneutral_Bird t1_ja5hv6c wrote
Tea
Call_of_Tculhu t1_ja5isog wrote
A penis
AnxietyIsEnergy t1_ja5jyh3 wrote
A Russian soldier in Ukraine
AmazingDadJokes t1_ja5jzcc wrote
The cracker diet
DirtFoot79 t1_ja5l07l wrote
A murder victim. Bury them while they're in rigor mortis. They come out moist and gooey when the police dig them up.
Source: I didn't do anything wrong, I want a lawyer.
elispotato t1_ja5l20d wrote
Spaghetti
Skilledpainter t1_ja5l9tn wrote
Depends how long it's in for
graygemini t1_ja5llc0 wrote
Paper straw
sutroheights t1_ja5lxzi wrote
Pringles mostly. Sometimes Funyuns if I’m feeling groovy.
phinbar t1_ja5mbud wrote
Pasta
Ogfrebu83 t1_ja5np9h wrote
What goes in stiff, comes out wet, and smells like fish.
The scuba diver.
Ogfrebu83 t1_ja5nuyr wrote
Except for Gremlins.
ChurchOfAdonitology OP t1_ja5rhq1 wrote
Glad you can tell days... now go look... the full joke is up there
ChurchOfAdonitology OP t1_ja5rpkm wrote
You don't need a lawyer... just be rich... or plead the 5th
khymbote t1_ja5slws wrote
Pasta and rice
NoSorbet3574 t1_ja5u3wp wrote
almost everything
Redbeard4006 t1_ja5ud6j wrote
My first thought was noodles.
Redbeard4006 t1_ja5ug72 wrote
Tea bags are hard?
shawnp2 t1_ja5vnvj wrote
Noodles? Yes
dgm42 t1_ja5xbsu wrote
Biscotti.
Merle_24 t1_ja5zmkf wrote
Pasta
blackmexicans t1_ja675bc wrote
Noodles
[deleted] t1_ja68rlz wrote
[deleted]
Wooden_Professor4342 t1_ja68voe wrote
Bubble gum
Conscious_Tutor_2422 t1_ja69oo1 wrote
A dead body fed through a chipper
Responsible_Fox1231 t1_ja69ylb wrote
He was a smart and adaptable man!
JollyGreenStone t1_ja6ac7k wrote
As my lesbian friend once told me, most women are like pasta: rigidly straight until they get wet.
bluezebra-29 t1_ja6ca4r wrote
Sponge
Amru321 t1_ja6d2py wrote
Tea bag
CaffeinatedFrosting t1_ja6dv5f wrote
Noodles?
Rich_Two t1_ja6e6e7 wrote
What goes in soft and wet and comes out hard and dry?
Too much gum.
redecided t1_ja6este wrote
Your mom at confession.
_mc_myster_ t1_ja6g6cn wrote
Microwave fries
wigzell78 t1_ja6gyk2 wrote
Pasta.
Belly84 t1_ja6ibno wrote
Mom's spaghetti
Hello-mah-baby t1_ja6injg wrote
WAIT WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE I KNOW THIS ONE ITS WHEN THE PENIS AND THE VAGINA HAVE SEX YEAH I THINK
timbknight t1_ja6iqec wrote
You knowwww
SchizerFaust t1_ja6jbuo wrote
Beef jerky, mostly
autalley t1_ja6krz0 wrote
Penis
DoCrabsThinkFishFly_ t1_ja6lp5g wrote
A sponge
cameron_thought t1_ja6lu4s wrote
Laundry!
Blackout523 t1_ja6nnin wrote
You can also blow it
wolf805 t1_ja6p39o wrote
Jeez people its not so hard. its obviously a dick! lmao
REDDITERSK69 t1_ja6q16p wrote
Thought it was a towel but sure
[deleted] t1_ja6q6i6 wrote
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DutchOfBurdock t1_ja6qqe0 wrote
What's long, stiff and full of seaman.
A submarine.
AuntyNashnal t1_ja6qsow wrote
Why was the scuba diver stiff?
Badass-19 t1_ja6qzds wrote
Your digestive comes out?
Mysterious_Pea88 t1_ja6rom3 wrote
Tampon
bazfoul t1_ja6tjgi wrote
Penis
[deleted] t1_ja6tnuv wrote
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Aggravating_Lemon_32 t1_ja6ug1x wrote
Dick
TheOfficialSvengali t1_ja6umkt wrote
Is this a joke, or just a fact?
liamalain t1_ja6v420 wrote
A teenager’s 10 day old cum sock.
nametakenfuck t1_ja6vjqc wrote
Frozen sausages
skatalite2020 t1_ja6vkww wrote
A penis
Gloomy_Square_6204 t1_ja6w6v7 wrote
The trick is to only do the 2 second rule
Baiyko t1_ja6w7vv wrote
Me in your mom
caucasoidape t1_ja6wwgs wrote
gross
MesaHoundJoe t1_ja6xggj wrote
Dried pasta
Badass-19 t1_ja6y3k0 wrote
I see, I guess my digestives hate me
EmulatorGuy3DS t1_ja6z991 wrote
Diarrheia
Hanamiya23234243 t1_ja72rhr wrote
My dick?
zeldaguy85 t1_ja73xzt wrote
Pasta
Commercial_Lock_184 t1_ja750rt wrote
Ice cream bar...
es5entia t1_ja76wmz wrote
Penis
LostH21 t1_ja76y35 wrote
Didn’t clean his swimsuit after last time
ChurchOfAdonitology OP t1_ja78tn7 wrote
Your towels are hard? Might want to wash them
Boot_Effective t1_ja79sd1 wrote
Please don't shout. Also you might think about using lube.
stopcounting t1_ja7a4xm wrote
Worst. Soup. Ever.
[deleted] t1_ja7aps2 wrote
ShimSladyBrand t1_ja7c9dq wrote
Sponge
KemBar14 t1_ja7comp wrote
Me after litterally one beer
CryptographerMedical t1_ja7cxe1 wrote
What's grey and wrinkly and hangs out Grandpa's boxer shorts...? : : : : : Grandma!
galwaygirl77 t1_ja7ds0j wrote
Laundry & a washing machine?
SomugaienParfu t1_ja7e03l wrote
If your first thought is 'penis', you may need to consider applying lube or saliva beforehand. Going in dry is very chafing and would cause discomfort for both you and your partner.
g_lenn_o t1_ja7e0at wrote
Knees weak mom’s spaghetti?
Best8meme t1_ja7egfm wrote
Me when last night oh wait gum works too
mmnllll t1_ja7fh1y wrote
sponge
Superego13itch t1_ja7gyer wrote
2 seconds hardly seems worth it. Not enough time for any tea/coffee to soak into the biscuit or even melt the chocolate.
D00mfl0w3r t1_ja7hq8z wrote
Noodles but ok also gum
External_Appeal_1727 t1_ja7hrya wrote
No, you read the question....nowhere is there a reference to food in the question.....so the answer is clearly ....a dick. Ticks all the boxes *pun intended. Not a wrong answer imo
astropiea211 t1_ja7i2hs wrote
de_VoYd t1_ja7inoq wrote
Any metal when it goes past melting point
bucket_brigade t1_ja7jg6x wrote
Also penis
SubnauticaFan3 t1_ja7jzru wrote
aj__x3 t1_ja7ljw5 wrote
Soap bar
Ravenwight t1_ja7n65q wrote
Laundry
tom_zeimet t1_ja7noho wrote
A paper straw.
A_Beautiful_Brain t1_ja7qckl wrote
Muddy shoes in the washing machine
Gideon_Galahad t1_ja7qdup wrote
Uncooked ramen bricks
Human_Dependent3749 t1_ja7qh8m wrote
spaghet
Gloomy_Square_6204 t1_ja7tb67 wrote
Are you talking digestives or hobnobs, different entity
newtypexvii17 t1_ja7toiz wrote
Yes pasta too... how is this a joke?
Different-Tie-1085 t1_ja7ttbf wrote
Different-Tie-1085 t1_ja7tzwg wrote
[deleted] t1_ja7u6an wrote
[deleted]
DABailey85 t1_ja7vxiz wrote
An oreo cookie or a penis. 😁
Superego13itch t1_ja7wdn6 wrote
The King of Biscuits - McVities Chocolate Digestives!
Witty-Pick-666 t1_ja7xa86 wrote
An egg lol
Specialist-Act963 t1_ja7ypv6 wrote
A sponge
patcat21 t1_ja7yyq6 wrote
My sweet bread in the coffee!
johnathome t1_ja7z2pr wrote
Crusty Jizz sock in the washing machine
onairmastering t1_ja81cdz wrote
Can't read, huh, it's ok, little Johnny.
TnBluesman t1_ja81pxi wrote
Like his hand is gonna complain
Upper_Adeptness_3636 t1_ja829vr wrote
If your food is coming out soft and wet, its definitely diarrhea...
Sad_Acanthisitta_137 t1_ja83p93 wrote
This dick
HeavyMetalGuaji t1_ja86a0z wrote
Olympic diver?
RonPalancik t1_ja872ih wrote
Tea bag
Eva11k t1_ja8c7tw wrote
A sponge
THEdeadboltblues t1_ja8ccwq wrote
Specifically, Triscuts.
Cat_in_the_box2000 t1_ja8cfvt wrote
Gum goes in soft but stiff and comes out hard in my experience
Gloomy_Square_6204 t1_ja8djdv wrote
Yep, but take into account they have a chocolate barrier, so I agree, the dunk needs to be longer to absorb required amount of tea. ☕️
Unusual-Possibility5 t1_ja8eg1e wrote
Unless you lick it first
[deleted] t1_ja8exly wrote
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james88499r t1_ja8fa9e wrote
“A duck!”
CynergyDiva t1_ja8fhdd wrote
Why is your food coming out?
duedamage111 t1_ja8h1te wrote
teenage boys socks before theyre washed
CynergyDiva t1_ja8o4pe wrote
I take that back. I just remembered there’s the other end to consider
Lorkenpeist t1_ja8o7i5 wrote
Tide Pods
Skelly2283 t1_ja8oyiy wrote
Spaghetti?
99KV99 t1_ja8r1ut wrote
Why is it a but? Shouldn’t it be what goes in hard AND comes out wet
FaithPainkiller t1_ja8t950 wrote
That’s the vomit on his sweater already
Successful_Flan_5975 t1_ja8tlju wrote
But stiff and comes out hard in my experience.
legallyalienated t1_ja8xaa0 wrote
Note to self - don’t read r/Jokes during lunch hour .. ever again!
[deleted] t1_ja8ym09 wrote
[removed]
PSUAth t1_ja8yoek wrote
Wet the dry Dry the wet Wet the dry Dry the wet Wet the dry
legallyalienated t1_ja8yryj wrote
Agree. But caution is in order for those who are yet uninitiated! There are currently no Rehab Clinics for McVites Digestives. A resource Digestive consumers resolutely don’t want, but desperately need!
Translationerr0r t1_ja8zzeo wrote
A penis during sex. Oh right, this is Reddit....
Electronic-Speed-860 t1_ja91u2r wrote
A penis
Buzzsaw_Boss t1_ja91wfg wrote
Tetley tea bag
One_Toe2819 t1_ja91zzp wrote
MaMa_llama_1994 t1_ja93w17 wrote
Pasta, stuffing
jimhabfan t1_ja9a8t0 wrote
I was going to say gum stuck on a penis, but gum works too.
gr8ful_cube t1_ja9d1jk wrote
Gum more like cum haha (i am in desperate need of medical attention)
NDodma01 t1_ja9d4p6 wrote
Let me noodle on that for a bit
dafoodooman t1_ja9h277 wrote
Don't forget the unbearable burning sensation. That's a key part of the Takis(tm) experience!
MessageLogical1600 t1_ja9j2fe wrote
Was looking for this comment
PiisAWheeL t1_ja9jgg3 wrote
If you're lucky...
JustAnotherHooperYT t1_ja9jzg4 wrote
Cucumbers 😩
KnightfallTV t1_ja9qihh wrote
if all you eat is grains maybe
joe1404 t1_ja9t830 wrote
A biscuit dipped in tea or coffee
barronelli t1_ja9tr36 wrote
In hard and dry? You’re doing it wrong.
mummystone03 t1_ja9y42v wrote
Tea bag
[deleted] t1_jaakmut wrote
[removed]
boitrubl t1_jaamc2t wrote
Spaghetti and Chicken Parm for dinner it is!
StevenMcFlyJr t1_jaave0p wrote
Skulls, bones, the usual
Drkindlycountryquack t1_jadofnp wrote
Lubricunt
Turboteg90 t1_ja4n3t2 wrote
Most food really.