Submitted by Henri_Dupont t3_11djak9 in Jokes
The election isn't until tomorrow, but they've already announced that Putin has won.
Comments
phadrus56 t1_ja8z6qu wrote
He must be a Democrat.
[deleted] t1_ja96k7e wrote
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AquaCorpsman t1_ja98bq9 wrote
Made me laugh more than the original joke, good job
Riskycrossbow69 t1_ja9a19p wrote
He received 160% of the vote in favour of becoming Tsar.
BenderDeLorean t1_ja9a20k wrote
This joke was created for you by Rusisan AI chatbot.
Russian AI chatbot is best AI chatbot. Da!
RecalcitrantHuman t1_ja9axh1 wrote
Tell me Reddit is a liberal hell hole without telling me Reddit is a liberal hell hole.
btambo t1_ja9couf wrote
Yeah. Well then GTFO, don't let the door hit ya....
trucorsair t1_ja9dgpf wrote
Actually the next Russian election is Sunday, 17 March, 2024. Don't a worry, he's already won.
JeoffreyDommer t1_ja9ekxl wrote
Wow. He must seriously be a great guy.
Litmus44 t1_ja9ibb9 wrote
All men are equal but some men are more equal than others. Guess that’s Putin then.
Abides1948 t1_ja9plaw wrote
One man, one vote.
Putin is that one man.
SillyFlyGuy t1_ja9qsuh wrote
Russian elections are on St Patrick's Day?
borazine t1_ja9s60c wrote
Exit polls indicate 103% in favour of Putin, with a margin of error of 3%.
TeoSupreme t1_ja9ug87 wrote
last time they announced that he won by 146% of votes. and this is not a joke. i've seen it with my own eyes
LeodFitz t1_ja9uqjv wrote
Russia does mail-out voting. They mail you your ballot already filled out. No need for you to send it back in, they just want you to know who you voted for.
LeodFitz t1_ja9v0gh wrote
As Terry Pratchett would say: "Russia believes strongly in the 'one man, one vote' philosophy. Putin that man, and he gets that vote."
mad_titanz t1_ja9v91n wrote
His political opponents all have committed suicide with 50 gun shot wounds to the head
JACKVK07 t1_ja9vres wrote
Don't be Rushin' to results just yet.
coloa t1_ja9wkn8 wrote
And the one after that.
Yautja93 t1_ja9yivv wrote
It was actually 140%
But finally someone who knows this meme lmao
Yautja93 t1_ja9ykss wrote
Damn, that looks like Brazilian elections!
thorsbeardexpress t1_jaa0z85 wrote
Funniest part about this is how right wing he is, and that all the election fraud in the US had been committed by repugs. Not to mention the lawsuit showing FoX nEwS knew the steal was all bullshit. But you do you boo boo
stanlana12345 t1_jaa1g3i wrote
svn380 t1_jaa1yiw wrote
No, that would only happen in a brutal totalitarian dictatorship.
In Russia, they fall out of 5th story windows.
omnibossk t1_jaa26h0 wrote
Sad that this is no joke.
thetomahawk42 t1_jaa2iet wrote
If he's still alive...
4Plus20MakesHappy t1_jaa2kxv wrote
To the BACK of the head.
[deleted] t1_jaa43vu wrote
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4Plus20MakesHappy t1_jaa4uuw wrote
Projection-accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.
Abal125 t1_jaa50ud wrote
More like St. Putin Day, to Putin, by Putin.
DutchOfBurdock t1_jaa68m6 wrote
That was so bad, you Moscow right now!
Legba012 t1_jaa6crl wrote
“The results are in, and by a window-I mean, an LANDslide margin….”
DutchOfBurdock t1_jaa6eeh wrote
From an almost purely horizontal position
Wild_Albatross7534 t1_jaa6z7s wrote
After all, all of his competitors fell out of windows.
Distant-moose t1_jaa7p22 wrote
Onto some bullets.
peetstaa t1_jaa7v0q wrote
Cool! Trudeau uses the same vote counting technology :)
DutchOfBurdock t1_jaa8dyq wrote
With Novichok in your briefs
ParkingImportance487 t1_jaa8h3l wrote
Didn’t work for Dilma or Bolsonaro but not without trying
Western-Image7125 t1_jaaafh5 wrote
What election? You mean they have elections over there?
trucorsair t1_jaaateg wrote
Ah a person of hope I see
trucorsair t1_jaaaz5g wrote
He’ll rule from the lower depths as well
trucorsair t1_jaab7ft wrote
Why not drinking helps in Russia
ImpiousVamp t1_jaacbpp wrote
This isn't really a joke is it? Try r/facts.
WorldlyCupcake5345 t1_jaacth1 wrote
To avoid any semblance of wrongdoing, it's 'only' going to be 99.9%!!
GrumpyCatStevens t1_jaadm09 wrote
"Those who cast the vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything."
- Josef Stalin
jackneefus t1_jaadxlf wrote
phadrus56 t1_jaah1w3 wrote
Fing joke. Bite me.
Monkeyarm0913 t1_jaai0uo wrote
Could have just left it a joke but you’re one of ‘those’ people, sadly
Yautja93 t1_jaai5fu wrote
Well he tried to murder Bolsonaro but failed, first time ever xd
Dilma was driving the country to a hell hole and affected some wealthy people that managed to buy the politicians in the power at the time to Impeach her, basically, imagine everything that was gained in 12 years, destroyed in 4 years because of her bad management
trucorsair t1_jaaizsq wrote
A thirty three day old account with double digit negative karma lecturing me about being “one of those kind of people”….well yes I am happily different from YOU.
cheese_is_tasty69 t1_jaak6yd wrote
He’s just Putin us all into misery
Hickory137 t1_jaaqq8v wrote
And then Brandon told her, "Hold my beer."
Zealousideal-Rice568 t1_jaar0v5 wrote
If you think that’s bad just look at the us
cuevobat t1_jaatvj0 wrote
Maybe St. Patrick can drive the snake out of Russia?
justhereforthesixty9 t1_jaaxaby wrote
US election is next year. O’Biden has already “won” that one too. 😂
Testsubject276 t1_jaazcj8 wrote
As for his opponent, we are sad to announce that he has committed suicide in approximately 10 minutes from now.
feyrath t1_jaazj7h wrote
Can you still join twitter with fake accounts? It'd be funny to join as a fake Trump account and congratulate Putin on his win for the next 20 days or so. Edit: apparently it's 2024 when the election is. so 385ish days. nice.
OldAd3946 t1_jab247y wrote
For putin
FrenTimesTwo t1_jab4d2u wrote
Russia ?
WingZeroCoder t1_jab4oyq wrote
There may still be over 25% of the vote left with a rapidly diminishing gap, but by golly, Fox News will call it if they have to break that water main themselves!
K16w32a2r4k8 t1_jab5rlc wrote
Yes, it’s hard to hold a beer while driving in a race. It’s a good thing Biden is president in America now so we don’t have to suffer under Trump’s mis-management anymore.
Rutin_2tin_Putin t1_jab60uw wrote
As well as being conveniently falling from a 30 story high balcony
gk666 t1_jab7281 wrote
Putin announced that Putin has won
Hickory137 t1_jab7d43 wrote
Thank you for continuing the tradition of putting the real joke in the comments.
Eluinight t1_jabaskr wrote
“Don’t a worry” sounds mighty Italian to be Russian.
choozu911 t1_jabeah6 wrote
How old are you?
Irrelevance351 t1_jabfay1 wrote
Didn't the same thing happen in Azerbaijan in 2013?
[deleted] t1_jabit2n wrote
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Disastrous_Night_80 t1_jabjb64 wrote
They will run it like old style Soviet election. You put "DA" in one box or they put you in the other one
dgrant92 t1_jabk04w wrote
Newly announced: all Putin's opponent's funerals will be in three days hence....thanks for playing! Fox Nooose....
United-Emu-6654 t1_jabk5ff wrote
This one isn't really a joke - when he was running for 3rd term, a few days before the election the ruling party's brochure was leaked, saying "Today people of Russia together as one showed they ultimate support to Vladimir Putin blah blah blah.." He got 64% days later
MelCre t1_jabmbon wrote
Prais the lord!
Equivalent-Sport-253 t1_jabmgzv wrote
And joe biden wins the election in Russia
Saiitek t1_jabn470 wrote
I don't get the Joke? I'm 140% sure that's just a story from russia
tagjohnson t1_jabo303 wrote
...and Joe Biden has won re-election.
ExplorerTotal8449 t1_jaboj1a wrote
Well it's putins day
Mikesaidit36 t1_jabouj1 wrote
Funny, because in the States, the Russiapublicans announce election fraud before the elections, and have been undermining elections for 20+ years since they realize their policies aren’t popular enough to get them elected on that basis alone.
K16w32a2r4k8 t1_jabqby0 wrote
Yeah, Rs do that all the time.
K16w32a2r4k8 t1_jabqjcf wrote
Yeah, I had a running argument with a fake Trump a few years back.
K16w32a2r4k8 t1_jabql2i wrote
K16w32a2r4k8 t1_jabqo5i wrote
Welcome.
4eburdanidze t1_jabr5ga wrote
Elections are overvalued. At least smthg is wrong with elections, if guys like GW Bush, Trump or Biden become presidents
EnvironmentalDeal256 t1_jabudtn wrote
Anyone who disagrees will fall out of a fourth floor window.
Rogalicus t1_jabuuf6 wrote
In 2008 advertising was even more direct. "March 2 — election of the president Dmitry Medvedev"
Early_Permit_2072 t1_jabuy9q wrote
They have a less credible election then china with their single party democracy.
Jassida t1_jabvfwa wrote
It’s a me, Mario
JBYTuna t1_jabvs7l wrote
He always wins!
JustFig2431 t1_jabxhvn wrote
Russia has announced that putin has won the next 10 elections opposition member have either fallen ill or gone missing
LazyiestCat t1_jac1wgx wrote
I thought it was 5th floor.... oops walking past 4th floor window arrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh
UcanRock2 t1_jac59cz wrote
Sounds like our presidential election in 2020 with Biden 🤣
Crillmieste-ruH t1_jac720f wrote
This joke suck
Martyvf t1_jac9afe wrote
Sounds like the last American election 😳
IrishTerminator t1_jacamar wrote
Happy St. Puti.....nah I can't type that even as a joke
Fit_Wolverine7706 t1_jacbs4n wrote
Russian election results declared days before election : Russians believe it.
American election results declared, then votes re counted, double via machines n papers n challenged in courts who endorsed the results : Americans “ Nope we dont believe em”!
[deleted] t1_jaccaur wrote
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Garnetknight t1_jaccg80 wrote
They haven't counted the votes from the "lost" mail trucks yet.
Ok-Diamond-9781 t1_jacciqj wrote
"Hey, I've seen this one before."
EternallyImature t1_jacdzld wrote
Someone needs to meme Putin in a leprechaun outfit.
oldnperverted t1_jace3la wrote
Sounds like Illinois in the last governor's race. A Chicago news station announced the winner less than 5 minutes after the pools closed.
ARobertNotABob t1_jacf1jk wrote
All opponents had mysterious falls from windows, so, if there's no competitors, there can only be one winner ...
theprocanvas t1_jacfxsy wrote
It is better than declaring election results 2 months after the election , don’t tell me it didn’t happen in U.S
rcp_5 t1_jacgbg1 wrote
Created for us comrade
HospitalFirm1576 t1_jach5ld wrote
In 2024 he won’t be a president anymore
SashaAvecDesVers t1_jacj65v wrote
Man... next election in 2024
Yautja93 t1_jacj749 wrote
Yup, Putin vibes hahaha
littleb242 t1_jacljgs wrote
It should be on April fools day
saudkazia t1_jaclti1 wrote
ground hog day?
gdwoodard13 t1_jaclvkc wrote
This sub is for jokes, not world news.
trucorsair t1_jacm0me wrote
He’s everywhere
UndendingGloom t1_jacnye6 wrote
You can edit it and send it back, but you might fall out of a window.
Figaro845 t1_jacxyez wrote
Wow this sub is fucking awful.
Henri_Dupont OP t1_jad0p7y wrote
The Kremlin announced their condolences to the family of an important Russian diplomat, who told me this joke, as his plane has unfortunately crashed. They then withdrew the announcement because the plane has not taken off yet.
George7744ll t1_jad3unq wrote
Unfortunately, this is not a joke for us.
Maleficent-Ad-2216 t1_jad83of wrote
And the opponent has committed suicide by tying his hands behind his back and shooting himself twice in the back of the head.
goon_platoon_72 t1_jad8aad wrote
trucorsair t1_jadeqnk wrote
Honestly?, big fingers, small screen, amusing typo...success!
PiisAWheeL t1_jadmnb2 wrote
You have to be em waisted to accept the results without going to a gulag?
AppropriateWorker8 t1_jae40nv wrote
Fixed date and fixed results elections.
Makubwa51 t1_jae4m43 wrote
Putin learnt from Trump
[deleted] t1_jaecxsn wrote
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Bobbyoot47 t1_jaem5ah wrote
All those opposing Putin have died…uhhh….decided not to run.
Eickheister t1_jaescat wrote
In Putins Russia, there is no fear.
Only gravity...
[deleted] t1_ja8yu9u wrote
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