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Bilberry12 t1_j9ifv47 wrote

And the next day that advisor mysteriously fell from a 15th story window

1,118

USMCWrangler t1_j9ig8b6 wrote

Not true. Suicide. He shot himself twice in the head.

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UppityPotHead t1_j9inhca wrote

Shoot himself in the head two times, Before throwing himself from a window.

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Akbeardman t1_j9iqk0m wrote

No no, he fell out of the window on accident, down 15 stories onto some bullets.

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EmphasisCheap8611 t1_j9k1tm2 wrote

All the while he was on a healthy diet of polonium!

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EmploymentLate t1_j9mhxom wrote

And of course, all of this are eye witness reports because the body was never found, maybe he just wanted to leave.

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mutantcivil t1_j9nsesm wrote

No no, he fell from 25th floor and shot himself midair 5 times all over his body after making tie knot around his neck and suffocated before felling into the acid tank that was mysteriously there on ground.

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Just--Stuff t1_j9jebls wrote

You must mention how he chugged 2 gallons of cyanide before he did all this

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TexWolf84 t1_j9kgrmv wrote

But he did put a safety rope around his neck before he fell out of the window.

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Clean_Internet t1_j9ktnsg wrote

The safety rope kept him safely hung for a bit, but then snapped and he fell the next 14 stories

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Godzilla-1995 t1_j9novxs wrote

Was this before or after he stabbed himself in the kidney fifty-three times?

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iloveradiohead225 t1_j9kvhjt wrote

THE ADVISOR WAS FUCKING MURDERED!

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cherryhilljawnz t1_j9kxku1 wrote

Nope. If that was the case it would have been reported on

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thebarberbenj t1_j9kn7i0 wrote

In Russia they call that “Natural Causes”. Rasputin died by “misadventure”🤣

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FeedMeMoreOranges t1_j9kibwj wrote

Shoot himself in the back head two times, before throwing himself out the window.

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aardw0lf11 t1_j9kzapi wrote

And before all that he bruised both his wrists and ankles.

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jstormes t1_j9lddn9 wrote

And pulled out all of his own fingernails.

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trucorsair t1_j9lqeu2 wrote

There is an old story about a man who wanted a scenic suicide but wanted it to be painless. So he made a noose on a tree limb over a high cliff that was facing west into the setting Sun. He took a big dose of morphine to make sure he felt no pain. Put the noose around his neck and jumped off the cliff. To be even more sure, he took a pistol with him, just in case the rope didn’t break his neck and he was in danger of slow strangulation. Anyway the rope jerked, the force of the jerk caused the pistol to go off, he shot the rope in half fell into the ocean where he swallowed a lot of seawater and threw up the morphine and was washed up on the beach, scared but alive. Feeling confident he collected his thoughts and began to walk back to town, taking this as a message from the universe that he should stay alive. Singing to himself with new found vigor he walked into the path of a bus and died….the end

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HandsOnGeek t1_j9m0sr2 wrote

The ending I remember to that scenario involved being rescued by a boat and taken to the hospital.
Where he died of Shock.

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Bullen-Noxen t1_j9lht9x wrote

Here is the twist, there are no windows on the 15th floor.

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apathetic-drunk t1_j9kw9hh wrote

He even popped himself twice in the back of the head with a 50 caliber. This is a man of many talents.

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ashif1983 t1_j9lrj6b wrote

Suspicious since he worked in the other building.

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Daddyzzz142 t1_j9lytcj wrote

Fell down 15 flights of stairs, went back up to do it right and accidentally fell out the window. Unfortunately, he died of Covid before he hit the ground.

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Genesis111112 t1_j9mn8rb wrote

after two bullets behind the ear. toxicology says there was traces of polonium tea in their system. obvious suicide. file stamped not suspicious.

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Imaginary_Charge7807 t1_j9jaeie wrote

I don't get it. We're supposed to assume that the 50% of Russians who want him dead know that they won't live long enough to piss on his grave and that's why this is a binary choice?

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Scott19M t1_j9jdj84 wrote

The joke is that 100% of Russians want him dead. The 50% who said they want him dead answered honestly. The other 50% lied because they fear the repercussion of saying they want Putin dead out loud will get them killed. KGB bad guys, Russia not safe to speak freely.

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FPSCanarussia OP t1_j9jid1i wrote

The joke is that the first half want to kill him - as in, they want to kill him themselves, consequences be damned. The other half don't want to be arrested for assassinating the President, so they'd rather someone else do it.

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Qalinx t1_j9irhj9 wrote

A guy in jail: what are you in for ? Murder, 20 years. You ? I looked at putin, 30 years. How come ?? I looked through a rifle scope.

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aleksnarva t1_j9kv5cc wrote

I'm Russian and there are a couple of bottles of champagne in my bar that I want to drink when he dies

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nmxt t1_j9lml9b wrote

Typical for Russians with a bar.

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BlackVirusXD3 t1_j9mv88j wrote

Dunno if that will happen considering that you just wrote it

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Healthy-Transition27 t1_j9mxpgf wrote

I’m Russian as well, and I am going to get totally wasted for a week celebrating such an amazing event.

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zeke235 t1_j9m2btv wrote

A man walks to a newsstand and purchases a paper from the vendor. He takes a look at the front page and angrily throws the paper in the trash.

The next day, the same thing. The man buys a paper, looks at the front page, and throws it in the trash disgustedly.

The third day, once again, the man buys a paper, sees the front page, and immediately throws the entire thing right into the garbage. The vendor stops the man and asks, "Sir, why do you keep throwing away newspapers without reading them?" The man replies, "I'm looking for an obituary." "But sir," the vendor says, "obituaries aren't on the front page."

"Trust me." The man says. "This one will be on the front page."

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samobon t1_j9lwal6 wrote

I'm Russian and I've made a commitment that when the motherfucker dies I'll be throwing a party inviting everybody I know in town.

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Kspence92 t1_j9kve49 wrote

If only this were true. Sadly most Russians (though not all of course ) support Putin, as most Germans supported hitler up until 1945

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BHIngebretsen t1_j9l1ht7 wrote

But when he dies it will be on a National holiday. “Really?, which one” .……

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OutOfMyDangMind t1_j9lanz8 wrote

To be named on the day that he dies! It will be a day of great celebration around the world.

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Schlabby t1_j9ltzea wrote

I get your "punchline" but this joke is unfortunately not really funny. Sounds like you are doing some sort of virtual signalling.

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thankyou3000 t1_j9kqefc wrote

most russians i’ve seen are indifferent to the war or support it. contrary to what the west says there aren’t massive riots happening everywhere in russia it’s mostly business as usual.

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TheImperios t1_j9lmkce wrote

Not everyone is willing to share their opinion when asked by a stranger. I have friends like this, at first when we started talking they seemed pretty Z-ish but when you got to know them they started spouting some proper BSB shit

And even many war supporters still have plenty of qualms with the government. Which is good, disgruntled nationalists will be temporary allies when the right time comes

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dragonfliesloveme t1_j9lns55 wrote

No one is saying there are massive riots everywhere.

Some people are saying that it is really a shame that there aren’t. Like, you should be rioting about it.

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Zachthing t1_j9lgwl8 wrote

Fuck off, troll.

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thankyou3000 t1_j9lhbyl wrote

lmfao look into it and youd see i’m right. sorry it doesn’t fit your ideal narrative.

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Pherophos t1_j9lrtjq wrote

I expected the punchline to be that the other half is MIA in Ukraine

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JakeTalksSports t1_j9loaqz wrote

Can’t kill him if he gets them killed first 🤔

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Eazy-life11 t1_j9m8wlz wrote

I get the whole Putin is bad and all but that is so unfunny it doesn’t even really make sense.

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totpoter t1_j9mcx2m wrote

Really bad "joke", especially when considering he's got an 82% approval rate unlike Western leaders... :')

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biffbobfred t1_j9mm9s6 wrote

I’m saying this with no snark, considering how many people who don’t like him “accidentally” fall out of windows or end up poisoned in prison how is it that low?

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totpoter t1_j9o074z wrote

yeah mate im sure if you say something negative about the great leader you get assassinated, clearly you are a highly intelligent individual with a lot of nuance

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MeMar187 t1_j9miauw wrote

Yeah, but if they say they don’t like him don’t they take a cyanide nap

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MeMar187 t1_j9mid49 wrote

I don’t know I’m seriously asking

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kaldrein t1_j9mm8fk wrote

Meh pointless. They are a russian sympathizer at best. 🤷‍♂️ Not much you can do to help someone that morally bankrupt.

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Professor-Clegg t1_j9nascj wrote

Maybe he’s just better informed than most westerners.

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kaldrein t1_j9nbnn0 wrote

Hahahahahaha 😂😂😂 hahahahaha. That is a good joke.

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totpoter t1_j9o0acr wrote

yeah cause sucking off the west is so awesome isn't it, best part is when they blow up their allies pipelines and bomb the middle east 10/10 morality thank fuck you dont sympathize with the russians

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biffbobfred t1_j9ox48v wrote

It would be instructive to split empathy for Russians and supporting Putin. If one wanted to be empathetic to Russians, you should absolutely hate and despise Putin and want him gone.

Putin has:

  • decided the “waves and waves of Russians to soak up bullets” manner of warfare still works
  • sent an army so corrupt that soldiers lack bullets. And, oh, shoes.
  • used terrorist tactics that make Russia a pariah state. This will affect Russia negatively for years to come.
  • heavy handed conscription (for the above “let them absorb bullets”) means a horrible brain drain.
  • a new conscription of college dudes will result in an even worse brain drain. This will harm Russia for decades to come.
  • didn’t diversify his economy away from being “a gas station with nukes” even with the example of Venezuela. Again, damage for decades to come.

If you care about Russians you have to want Putin out.

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totpoter t1_j9r9r1c wrote

Sources: revealed to you in a dream

Even the Ukraine admits that they've lost way more than russia has lol

But yeah im sure 4/5 russians approve of him because they just hate themselves dont they

Try searching up Bidens approval rating or any other Western leader and see how many people support them :)

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kaldrein t1_j9ob3eo wrote

Got to love some misinformation and whataboutism.

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totpoter t1_j9r9f5l wrote

Yeah cause Russia defending its people and stopping a genocide is bad but I could wager that you never said anything about the US invasions and coups around the world, or its continued occupation of Syria. Only when Russia does something its bad, even when its perfectly justified

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kaldrein t1_j9s2a4p wrote

Ah yes. The no proof russian people genocide. Russia’s long time justification of genocide in Ukraine. I see you attempting to engage in whataboutism again.

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totpoter t1_j9wezaw wrote

14 000 civilians dead in Donbas & bans on the Russian language would disagree with you.

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kaldrein t1_j9wjocv wrote

You are quite dumb aren’t ya. 14k is the total dead in the conflict between Ukrainian forces and Russian backed and created rebel groups. Please show me sources that say that Ukrainian forces were engaged in a genocide.

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totpoter t1_ja0zhgo wrote

Dude its literally on Wikipedia, you people are literal NPC's who cant think for yourselves

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_in_Donbas_(2014%E2%80%932022)

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-29912055

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kaldrein t1_ja11fs2 wrote

Please tell me how anything there describes a genocide by Ukraine. You telling others to think for themselves is utterly laughable.

Edit: also point out where the article conflicts with what I said about the death toll.

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alltheragepage t1_j9mugzb wrote

I thought jokes were supposed to be funny

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Bat-Honest t1_j9lv6c3 wrote

I wish this was true, they love that tyrant. 82% domestic approval rating as recently as last month.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/896181/putin-approval-rating-russia/

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malkebulan t1_j9mbz8f wrote

So VladiPu still has 18% of the population to intimidate?

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gibbonsgerg t1_j9m23oz wrote

Is that 82% the published figure? Was it published before or after they actually polled anyone?

0

Subjekt626 t1_j9lyd0d wrote

I didn't find this funny. However, I appreciate it immensely. Fuck putin (yea that's right you're not even getting a capital letter putin). Slava Ukraini

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JACKVK07 t1_j9m59zw wrote

This comment section confirms that Reddit is the best of the social media's.

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Odd_Room2811 t1_j9mk92u wrote

Meanwhile the paper the advisor was holding said 100% wanted to kill him and 100% wanted to piss on his grave and 100% wouldn’t miss him

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Harsimaja t1_j9mqaxi wrote

Unfortunately, at least per the likes of Levada and other dissidents who do research into this sort of thing, somewhat over half of Russians fo seem to be generally brainwashed fans of his.

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Professor-Clegg t1_j9nbiik wrote

It’s interesting that we here in the west don’t think we’re generally brainwashed.

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Harsimaja t1_j9nk3lq wrote

It's neither edgy nor original to point this out. The two are also not at remotely the same scale. No Western democracy brainwashes or represses dissidents the way Putin does, and if you think they're comparable you're on another fucking planet. Ciao.

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ksimek t1_j9m4gti wrote

HAHAHAHA OMG HAHAHAHA

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understandingthis1 t1_j9mxwsk wrote

Can’t you piss on a grave even if he was murdered

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Odiin46 t1_j9n3kbc wrote

I think it's more that those that try to(succeeding isn't a requirement, but an option) will be in jail and won't live long enough to complete their sentence and piss on his grave.

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Professor-Clegg t1_j9na1rz wrote

Actually Putin has massive popular support in Russia - over 80%.

Biden’s approval rate is 46% which is the highest he’s had in a year.

Trump’s average approval rating was 41%

Rishi Sunak’s approval rating is 22%

Olaf Shcoltz’s approval rating is 55%

Macron’s approval rating is 34%

Justin Trudeau’s approval rating is 43%

I get that it’s a joke, but it reflects that western perceptions just aren’t based in reality.

Sources:

https://www.statista.com/statistics/896181/putin-approval-rating-russia/

https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/3869311-biden-approval-rating-highest-in-almost-a-year-survey/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11772911/amp/Fresh-poll-blow-Rishi-Sunak-suffers-lowest-approval-rating-EVER.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11772911/amp/Fresh-poll-blow-Rishi-Sunak-suffers-lowest-approval-rating-EVER.html

https://www.politico.eu/europe-poll-of-polls/france/

https://angusreid.org/trudeau-tracker/

−1

ankylon t1_j9qfqed wrote

Yeah, China and North Korea leader has ~100% approval rate also.

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Professor-Clegg t1_j9qkw32 wrote

The poll is from a German company. I know it’s convenient for the western narrative to believe that nobody in Russia likes Putin and that he rules out of fear, but they actually have a free press over there and Putin has over the past 23 years made massive improvements to Russia’s economy. It was Yeltsin that was a complete disaster. Most people are quite satisfied with Putin.

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colonelc4 t1_j9kc3vr wrote

I don’t think any Russian wants him dead, on the contrary they all share the same hate for the west.

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printf_hello_world t1_j9kkqde wrote

There are plenty who want him removed one way or another, but not nearly so many people as we in the west would hope

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R3D3-1 t1_j9kmy0m wrote

It is down voted. But leaving aside the interpretation as "hate", pretty much accurate apparently :/

Even recent Interviews shown in Western media at best show a wariness of the war, but rarely disagreement in the fundental idea of the politics.

Sure, there are anti-putin Russians. But increasingly I get the feeling that the idea that Russia will rise against it's government,or that there could be a coup from within privileged circles when wealth is at stake, looks like wishful thinking of us in the West. If Putin suddenly dies to a stroke, I don't think the politics would change fundamentally, though I suspect internal stability of the country would go to hell – which might end up being worse than the current situation for all of the world.

For Ukraine I've heard different things, ranging from a correspondent saying that pro-Russian sentiment in regions directly attacked by artillery is at most in the single-digit percents, to second-hand accounts of pro-Government Ukrainians frustrated that "half the village wants Putin to win" to a refugee teacher estimating at one-in-three pro-Russian sentiment.

Even among my own friends and aquantainces the sentiments range from volunteering for defense against Russia to sending mutual congratulations that Putin is finally acting last February. Sometimes within a family.

Complete mess.

0

FPSCanarussia OP t1_j9l2a56 wrote

Yeah, pretty much. I personally think that instability from regime change would be better than the consequences of letting an idiot remain in power, but I've got close family members in Moscow that actively support the war.

The situation is fucked up, and the people with the power to change things don't benefit from unfucking it.

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R3D3-1 t1_j9l4gdf wrote

Tried reading the transcript of yesterdays speech on the Kreml website. It reads like a mixture of a nationalist fever dream ^("the west has been continously running destroy-Russia politics since the 19th century" - as if "the west" even has been a thing for that long), combined with passages that make me think "yes, that was actually fucked up Western politics" (e.g. war on terror, the way military interventions are accepted against governments considered evil and corrupt, etc., or how handling of public figures with pro-Russian opinions actually is in conflict with our own ideals of liberal democracy).

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shlongloveer t1_j9ki700 wrote

Yeah lmao western propaganda doesn’t really affect us here

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