Submitted by EarthMarsUranus t3_10ntm4s in Jokes
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piercedcleaver50 t1_j6as2bf wrote
The term ’labracadabrador’ is an amalgamation of the words ’Labrador’, ’Cadaver’ and ’Brave’. Most dogs die from performing high-level magic, because they don’t possess opposable thumbs. Thus, only brave dogs can be magicians and Labradors are known to be the bravest of dogs.
overseadress79 t1_j6asjaz wrote
Lt.
Dan
pauliewotsit t1_j6ask26 wrote
Cigarette. Every night I take it out for a drag.
EarthMarsUranus OP t1_j6atdjo wrote
Depends on whether you can find a friendly bitch with a winch.
DCeaster t1_j6atdku wrote
Sirius Black.
[deleted] t1_j6athro wrote
[deleted]
sand-man11 t1_j6aww3i wrote
What do you call a man with no arms and legs swimming in the ocean “Bob”
skaote t1_j6aylji wrote
Pound hound ?
WhatKindOfADeal t1_j6b20zw wrote
A walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
Angry_Dragon28 t1_j6b2f96 wrote
Doesn't matter, Call it whatever you want, it's not gonna come when you call its name.
Jasonfunn200 t1_j6b2ibx wrote
Doesn't matter what you call him. He's not going to come
agiro1086 t1_j6b354v wrote
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
>! Art !<
sand-man11 t1_j6b3cs7 wrote
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the front porch
agiro1086 t1_j6b3fu6 wrote
>! Matt !<
mcmuffinsandstorm t1_j6b4wi4 wrote
I do not get this.
KelCanada t1_j6b5dhq wrote
It should be spot.
[deleted] t1_j6b6igx wrote
What do you call his arms and legs?
Pieces of Art
kiddsport t1_j6bbr4h wrote
You can call a dog with no legs but he won’t come.
StudentStock6029 t1_j6bdu8t wrote
Call him anything you want he ain’t coming lol
mdg1775 t1_j6bdwos wrote
No legs and brass balls = sparky
Mamanfu t1_j6beo3o wrote
Ground beef. Oh wait 😯
SvordWulg t1_j6bf9wi wrote
What the actual flying flippity fuck did I just fucking read?
RoboSt1960 t1_j6bfeoq wrote
It doesn’t matter what you call it, it won’t come to you.
Luke_low t1_j6bg8u5 wrote
'Marlboro', take it for a drag....
jimababwe t1_j6bhpnr wrote
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.
rockspiderme t1_j6bjbb8 wrote
You don't call it, because it will not come.
Master-File-9866 t1_j6bk1fq wrote
Rollie
archangel7134 t1_j6bm5t4 wrote
Anything you want to.
He still ain't coming to you.
Second favorite answer...Rollo
Jackrwood t1_j6boe0p wrote
List of 10 worst dog breeds:
- There
- Are
- No
- Bad
- Dog
- Breeds
- Only
- Bad
- Owners
- Chihuahuas
BeenThere11 t1_j6bsald wrote
Hot dog
Jonah_Sebastian t1_j6btqel wrote
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left it.
Dickcheese-a1 t1_j6buge5 wrote
Every night the owner would it out for a drag.
Savi321 t1_j6bupvh wrote
Hot dog
BearPisss t1_j6bzkt3 wrote
Hotdog
JBYTuna t1_j6bzl5o wrote
Lump. Joe Cartoon says so.
Obito_07_ t1_j6c1b9i wrote
Hot dog
Lurifaks1 t1_j6c1mqw wrote
SigmoidF t1_j6c1xlp wrote
Scooter
DramaReasonable8473 t1_j6c2947 wrote
Nothing because he can never come
unclesamtattoo t1_j6c47ff wrote
A man with no arms that's just been pulled from the grave? Doug.
unclesamtattoo t1_j6c4e0k wrote
Tug
FormicaDinette33 t1_j6c4xrb wrote
Matt
Tiedyeinstein t1_j6c5cej wrote
Pitbull/bulldog
danirox419 t1_j6c5wy1 wrote
Lucky
simplero t1_j6c6mxt wrote
Same here. This joke is overrated.
Ottos1 t1_j6c6ymn wrote
Poor dog!
Ewetootwo t1_j6c7ot2 wrote
Dogfish. Finished now.
Ewetootwo t1_j6c7qoh wrote
And butts it out.
Large-Reception4343 t1_j6c8kmd wrote
You call him fucked.
derrpinger t1_j6cazyk wrote
All joking aside (as I start to booo myself!): I learned today that “dog end” is a used cigarette butt. Ran across the lyric in “Aqualung” https://youtu.be/N4zPu3ISCGs
And
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/dog-end
LeonidasVaarwater t1_j6cb7p9 wrote
Doesn't matter, he won't come when you call him anyway.
Adorable_Lawyer_5585 t1_j6cdall wrote
Woodbine and take him for a drag round the park. Old 70s joke
66pig t1_j6cejow wrote
Anything you want hes not coming back
Professional-Suit-72 t1_j6cfoqz wrote
Sandy
glenman1882 t1_j6chdsx wrote
Anything you want he'll not catch you
Hayley-DoS t1_j6chjx1 wrote
Nothing because it'll never come
GerManiac77 t1_j6chz3r wrote
When I was young we had a dog that had no legs. And he had no name.. For what? If you call him he would come neither.
This one just works in german. Was machst du mit nem Hund ohne Beine? (What do you do with a dog with no legs?)
Um die Häuser ziehen. (Draw around the Block. „Um die Häusern ziehen“ means to be out on the town in german)
Slickvath t1_j6ci8i2 wrote
Damn, you beat me. Lump, the no legged dog...
restrictedsquid t1_j6ci9mj wrote
I heard it: “What do you call a dog with no back legs?”
Sparkey
JBYTuna t1_j6cir3q wrote
You saw it too?
Slickvath t1_j6cix82 wrote
Saw it? It formed me to the person I am now 🤣
Suppafly!
JBYTuna t1_j6cj03o wrote
Gerbil in the microwave? Frog in the blender?
Slickvath t1_j6cj5pm wrote
Pin the tail on the donkey!
renekissien t1_j6ckq3p wrote
What do you call a fly with no wings? - a go. What do you call a fly with no wings and legs? -a lie.
TheEquationOfMotion t1_j6clqzm wrote
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag.
Fuzzy_Momma_Bear74 t1_j6cltgp wrote
Anything you want, he’s not coming anyway!
Ewetootwo t1_j6cm9nm wrote
Brilliant research and thanks!
wolfie379 t1_j6cmw0b wrote
Nope - unlike ferrous metals, brass doesn’t make sparks.
MrTheoUtlaw t1_j6cnxhw wrote
Efficiently sized pilot for Soviet space program.
Aromatic_Dig_3102 t1_j6co2ao wrote
Log cos the D stands for legs!
Back2Oki t1_j6cp2v6 wrote
Sorry the answer we were looking for was seal, seal.
Kisopop t1_j6crlwh wrote
This. I can't stand their snarly gasps for air. It fills me with pity and disgust.
IrishTerminator t1_j6crq9x wrote
Happy cake day to ya bud
k_qnkr3004 t1_j6ctwiz wrote
I've never posted on reddit..and this is my first comment.
Timely_Position_9011 t1_j6cvcp9 wrote
Hot dog
Fyrentenemar t1_j6d4iuk wrote
There are also terrible breeders who don't give a crap about genetic weaknesses and deformities caused by inbreeding just for the sake of a dog's aesthetic.
Main_Adhesiveness688 t1_j6d5z4c wrote
You don’t call it anything cause it ain’t goin nowhere
kaalki34 t1_j6d7jux wrote
You can call it,anything,you like. He/she ain't coming.
newf_13 t1_j6d7kpz wrote
Matt
Wonderful_Formal6130 t1_j6d832a wrote
Some of the friendliest dogs I've met were pits. It's not the breed but the idiot who got the dog thinking it'd make him look tough. How you raise and treat the animal makes a huge impact.
edgarsilvercreek t1_j6d9goc wrote
Cigarette, because every night you take him out for a drag
ENaC2 t1_j6dd1y7 wrote
It is absolutely the breed. You can assume that shitty owners are pretty equal across all other breeds, yet pit bulls are responsible for the most dog attacks in the US. 6x that of second place. Anyone repeating the misinformation that pit bull attacks are down to the owner entirely are a problem. They all have the potential to become dangerous.
james--FranCO t1_j6dezrk wrote
Where can you find a dog without legs?
..
Right where you left it.
Alternative punchline:
Downhill
I_Boomer t1_j6dgeen wrote
A drag.
AngeloSupreme t1_j6dhro7 wrote
First name Come, last name Here
Wonderful_Formal6130 t1_j6dhuvh wrote
Thats solely in the U.S, yet pits are not just in the U.S. The American Pit is genetically screwed due to over breeding, which again falls on the owners. The animal itself was never the issue, greed and inbreeding for aesthetic purposes which caused health and mental defects is the issue.
AngeloSupreme t1_j6dhxzf wrote
lay
Drkindlycountryquack t1_j6di1pc wrote
What baseball position can you play with no arms or legs? Second base.
ENaC2 t1_j6dimqp wrote
Which pit bulls are fine then?
Wonderful_Formal6130 t1_j6djfe7 wrote
You've clearly got a hate on for this animal. So this argument isn't getting anywhere.
Every dog breed is susceptible to the same issues pits are known for given time. There are dozens of defects within every breed that can be traced back to inbreeding, which is a human issue. Humans fucked the dog up is what I'm saying. Shitty owners and bad breeders. Your delusional to just simply blame the animal.
ENaC2 t1_j6djtiw wrote
No. I love dogs. What I hate is people defending a dangerous breed that would make the world a better place if we let the lineage die out. Yes, other breeds can be aggressive but nowhere near as frequently. You are the delusional one here. If the breed goes away, they’ll get a different, safer breed and be just as happy and the toddler next door gets to keep its face.
Wonderful_Formal6130 t1_j6dl4fv wrote
Except that's been tried and failed. Idk where you live but I'm in Ontario. We've banned pits for nearly 20 years. They puts were just replaced with Dobermans, Rottweilers, Corso, etc.
The ban is now in the process of being over turned because there evidence to show that the breed itself isnt the issue. There are pitbulls currently for sale in my town, registered with the city and have been screened, etc. Just do your research and think logically about the issue.
ENaC2 t1_j6dmndu wrote
“Do your research”. The mantra of people who get their research from YouTube videos and word of mouth. Regardless of what you’re saying, it’s a problem in the USA and the breed there should be banned, but you disagreed and made a statement that the breed isn’t the problem. Also, if the ban is overturned in Canada, where do you think most of them are coming from? USA probably. Let the lineage end.
captainzanypants t1_j6dn0ex wrote
Mat
jonhurd279 t1_j6doic0 wrote
Hot dog.
Lietenantdan t1_j6doru7 wrote
Lieutenant dog
sanmanbx10 t1_j6dqkr9 wrote
Why call him anything? He can't come to you when you call him
TheKnightBunnyBlue t1_j6drl8s wrote
I thought it was gonna be called a subwoofer
westanager t1_j6dsqj4 wrote
A log
Drahanan32964 t1_j6dt3v4 wrote
A drag.
10Drive t1_j6dvsbl wrote
[deleted] t1_j6dz3dx wrote
[removed]
Negative-Ad-6533 t1_j6e0s6k wrote
BALLS OF STEEEEEEEL!!!
Snifflessssss t1_j6e1cxy wrote
a Hot Dog
Corona716 t1_j6e29vs wrote
I'm guessing most of our "research" is dog experience amd not YouTube. I'm guessing differently for you. Mine is based in experience.
The "breed" is not the problem. Stop believing gossip you hear and listen to people who actually know what the heck they are talking about. You might learn something.
Like, for starters, did you know that "Pit Bull" is not a breed? It's actually a term that embraces a few different breeds. These dogs share similar characteristics, including High intelligence, trainability and ability to do damage (protect you) if needed. These attributes are what allow people to abuse them, train them to fight and make close-minded people think they are evil. They aren't. They are dogs. Nanny dogs in fact. Much more you could learn about them if you opened your mind and educated yourself.
Anthony_Gibson t1_j6e3m33 wrote
Anything you want to he/she still won't come to you
VRDAN t1_j6e4eco wrote
What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? -Sparky
ENaC2 t1_j6e4igp wrote
Yeah, not like there are statistics or anything that give you more insight than personal experience. Sure, maybe calling it a breed in it’s self is a misnomer, but as a group they are a problem.
eggroll85 t1_j6e4se1 wrote
If he has no legs and steel balls you can call him "Sparky"
OkDirector9518 t1_j6e6sj8 wrote
What do you call 2 guys with no legs hanging from a wall? Curt n' Rod
Corona716 t1_j6e7ozv wrote
They simply aren't. They are the most abused dogs in the the country. Ever met a person who was abused and later acted out? Should they be banned?? Trust me dear, I know dogs. You are just wrong. But since you seem to believe you know everything about how brains are wired, you must understand why yours is so small and hateful. I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience. Doesn't sound like it, seems you've just developed an opinion of disgust. To each their own. But don't encourage killing dogs you don't know. That's gross. They are God's creatures. Leave animals alone. All of them.
Your little chihuahua is actually more likely to bite than a pitty anyway. Actually
Stewbacca18 t1_j6ea0xt wrote
Nothing, it won’t come
GuyNCothal t1_j6eaatw wrote
I am only scared of Chihuahuas. I haven't found a pitbull that was mean
83-pike_stick t1_j6edyju wrote
You call them matt
gregorschilling t1_j6edzt4 wrote
Bump
marysuewashere t1_j6efokw wrote
Stay
DABailey85 t1_j6egg3u wrote
A dog with no legs is a hotdog.
red_piper222 t1_j6ehojw wrote
Upvote for Jethro Tull content
CorruptedRedditer t1_j6ei7i0 wrote
Nooooo A! Don't cut down the tree!
ThirdI042 t1_j6epozl wrote
Doesn't matter what you call him. He's not gonna come when you call.
Brief_Pirate2111 t1_j6eq3rd wrote
I actually had to visualize a dog with no legs with its tongue out looking all happy, next to a log, and say yes I would call it a log
mazzotta70 t1_j6eq6q8 wrote
Call it whatever you want. It's not going to come to you.
[deleted] t1_j6erje3 wrote
[removed]
[deleted] t1_j6escm3 wrote
[deleted]
ShoulderLucky7985 t1_j6esv1h wrote
Nothing he’s not coming anyway
DaniDDL t1_j6etyqm wrote
“Why would you call a dog with no legs? It can’t come to you anyway” is how I heard the joke.
FunWeight2805 t1_j6euqt4 wrote
Anything you want, still won't come home.
More-Gibblets t1_j6eyl7z wrote
Yeah I can't read half the words you wrote.
Glad_Leave3920 t1_j6f0371 wrote
A Hot dog
Glad_Leave3920 t1_j6f0qtt wrote
Does anyone know how to change your name on here? I've been to settings, I've clicked the picture, reddit gave me this name idk how to change it.. I just started using it
[deleted] t1_j6f47hz wrote
[removed]
Depressionislob t1_j6f5j8p wrote
It doesn't matter coz he won't come to u
dubzillaIVXX t1_j6f6x61 wrote
like, bummer.
IEatCatz4Fun t1_j6fa3uo wrote
A dogter.
Big_Ad_6154 t1_j6fbkny wrote
Sausage
Jewish_man24 t1_j6fc26j wrote
You can't
Glad_Leave3920 t1_j6fd2yh wrote
I don't understand how they picked my name, it looks like people picked their own names.... thank you for letting me know I've been going crazy trying to figure out how to change it
Ok_Duck_9338 t1_j6fe1ly wrote
They tend to find you.
Ok_Duck_9338 t1_j6fe91a wrote
Chinese crested are a suffering fake breed but ok for the allergy sufferers.
Famous-Example-8332 t1_j6ff6tj wrote
Doesn’t matter, it’s not going come when you call it.
SilentMasterpiece t1_j6fi9dl wrote
Matt
Irisheyes1971 t1_j6fk7ev wrote
Educate yourself. Nanny dogs are a myth. Even the biggest pit bull support organizations have LONG agreed that this is completely untrue and there is no basis in fact for it whatsoever.
People like you are an embarrassment.
Exciting-Variation41 t1_j6fmd2c wrote
No… the joke is what do you call a dog with no legs and balls of steel? Sparky…
M_Looka t1_j6fmtqm wrote
It doesn't matter because he won't come anyway...
LongjumpingBudget318 t1_j6fn0og wrote
We had a pug chihuahua mix.
It was a very affection ankle biting lapdog.
Once you sat down and it was on your lap you were safe
until then ...
LongjumpingBudget318 t1_j6fn9wf wrote
My15yAcctLost4Voting t1_j6g0nmi wrote
What do you call a dog with no legs and brass balls
>!Sparky!<
Corona716 t1_j6g6qiq wrote
Um no. You are wrong. Thus has been well documented for decades, if not centuries. Your hatred towards animals you don't know makes you an embarrassment and I'd even argue a bad person. It's breed racism and it's despicable. Shush and respect gods creatures.
Comprehensive-Sun-78 t1_j6gp7ob wrote
It doesn't matter, it won't come anyway.
Nuf-Said t1_j6gzkfa wrote
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he isn’t coming anyway. Same with a deaf dog.
unripenedboyparts t1_j6he63a wrote
But...log is dog with an l, which is like dog but crossed with the word leg. Log has more leg than dog does.
I don't know why my brain is trying to treat this joke like a word puzzle.
[deleted] t1_j6huovy wrote
[removed]
justandswift t1_j6i9fvr wrote
What do you call a dog with no logs and iron balls?
Sparky
2manyfelines t1_j6iwg36 wrote
So mean, and yet I’m laughing. Take my upvote, you monster.
Layogenic_87 t1_j6j1j8w wrote
Doesn't matter, he can't come anyway
flarezilla t1_j6j4mof wrote
Doesn't matter. He won't come to you anyway.
Explains_Wrong t1_j6jmndn wrote
A logless dog who can’t sneak up on you
SlackerKey t1_j6ka7ck wrote
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, And fits on your back? It's log, log, log
It's log, it's log, It's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good."
Everyone wants a log You're gonna love it, log Come on and get your log Everyone needs a log log log log
AscensionZombie t1_j6kfnmo wrote
A hot dog. 😶
Cheese-It17 t1_j6arzf4 wrote
Doesn’t matter, it’s not coming.