I am retelling an old joke, but it is one I have not heard in a while. If you know a better version, please post it.

i may be a bit thick but i dont get it :-(

All those places are the same place, renamed as they were taken in wars/collapsed governments.

ahh not a geography major

I know the one with St. Petersburg, though obviously without all the country changes.

As the other gentleman pointed out, they are all the same place. The reason this is funny though, is that it is perfectly plausible. 1918, Lemberg became Lviv, then it became Lwow after the Poles firmly took it from the Ukranians a few years later, then it became Lvov/Lviv and part of the Ukrainian S.S.R. when the Soviet Union took half of Poland in 1939, and then it became part of the German Reich after Operation Barbarossa, and then it finally went back to the Soviet Union in 1945.

A man could be born in Austria-Hungary, start school in the West Ukrainian People's Republic, graduate in the First Polish Republic, get married in the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic, have a child in the German Reich, and die in the Soviet Union all without ever leaving his hometown... And statistically, quite a few likely did.

Oh, please share! My sister's grandparents live in Leningrad Oblast.

Tbf most of the population unfortunately did not last that long, they were Poles and were deported to Poland after 1945. And local Poles rebelled against Ukrainians not after few years but one day: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Lemberg_(1918)

Basically it went:

Where were you born?

St. Petersburg

Where did you go to school?

Petrograd

Where were you married?

Leningrad

Where do you wish to live?

St. Petersburg

True. I was more thinking about it from the point of view of absolute numbers. In 1900 the city had a population of 159.877 (this is the closest census we have), meaning that if only 0,1% there made it to 1945, you would have a hundred and sixty who never left. This is assuming that the population remained relatively similar through the Great War.

I was in Ukraine and as a great Joseph Conrad fame was surprised to be told in Zhitomir that this was his hometown. "But," I said, "he's Polish." "This was Poland," they told me.

A few kilometres away from my town is a city named Kitchener. It was named New Berlin until WWI when it was renamed. Just outside it’s city limits is a village called Breslau. That name didn’t change after WWII.

The version I've heard is a man born in St. Petersburg, got his degree in Leningrad, and now lives in Petrograd. Then when asked where he'd like to live, he answers "St. Petersburg".

That version has the "and where would you like to live" punchline, but this version has the nice "multiple countries" feature. So I guess there's advantages for both?

Please update to died in Lviv, Ukraine. Unless they died over 31 years ago.

This is basic school stuff. We had it three or four times in high school lol

Nor History

Just checked the map and you sure have some interesting town names around there. I got curious because the family on my father's side is from Breslau, i.e. the European one. Oh, it's Wroclaw in Polish I think. Well anyway, today I learned something new.

Just checked the map and you sure have some interesting town names around there. I got curious because the family on my father's side is from Breslau, i.e. the European one. Oh, it's Wroclaw in Polish I think. Well anyway, today I learned something new.

At that point, they needed to be pretty old. It stopped being Lemberg in 1918, and was Lviv, UdSSR until 1991.

Though i guess 73 minimum is not that old, come to think of it.

A CIA agent is sent on an undercover spy mission to Moscow under Soviet rule.

He visits a grocery store and notes in his diary, "There is no food."

He then visits a clothing store and notes in his diary, "There are no shoes."

As he's leaving the store a KGB agent stops him outside. The KGB agent says, "You know just a few years ago we would have shot you for this kind of activity."

The CIA agent notes in his diary, "There are no bullets."

Or political science

Just outside New Hamburg is Punkeydoodles Corners. Yes, that is a real place. It is a nice drive visiting Paris, Washington, and London all within an afternoon.

About 35 years ago I was in a cab and started talking to the driver. He told me a story about how he and his wife were born in the same house a couple of years apart. It was a different country by the time she was born. Austria or Czechoslovakia, can’t remember. His parents sold the house to her (future) parents and then moved to Brooklyn. Wife was born, then her family some years later also moved to Brooklyn, where the man met his future wife for the first time.

Spouse’s dad is from Lviv; he would have loved this joke.

I remember going through my own dad’s things and came across some of his mother’s stuff. There was an old property deed that was written in German with an Austrian seal but for somewhere in Ukraine.

This could totally happen in a comedy movie

If they ever did a sequel to Get Smart, this would 100% be part of it

Great story.

Did you feel Lvived out?

That’s right. When it was part of the soviet union, it was called Lvov.

Andy Bader went to heaven and after telling who he was, was told he didn't belong there. I am not hier to get in. You have 15 minutten to evacuate the premises

Und..

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Interwar Period Poland, Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, Operation Barbarossa, Re-Annexation of Eastern Interwar-Period Poland...

My Mom was from Munkacs, Czechoslovakia. She even had a friend from the old days that always called her “Checki”. I decided to look up the current city and, sure enough, found out it’s located in… Ukraine! How it got there, I’ll never know!

The joke is that it's true. Great example is the city of Lviv, Ukraine.I looked it up in Wikipedia. It's historical affiliations (if not it's name) changed 11 times from 1256 to 1991. My great great grandmother was from somewhere in the area of Ukraine/Bellarus/Poland. It changed depending on what year my mother asked her when she was just a tot. Now I know why.

I like this version better than the one I usually see on this sub

Weird, I wonder how the Soviets got into power without bullets.

The St. Peter Show promises to be like Bait Car on steroids.

The places in Poland and Russia where my mother’s grandparents lived are in Ukraine now. It’s consuming everything. By 2123, there won’t be any other countries in Europe at all.

Lot of open windows on upper floors.

You can depose an entire ruling class using only defenestration? I'm just pointing out that the premise of the joke, that a worker's state is somehow simultaneously so dangerous as to warrant an undercover visit from a three-letter-agency and so pathetic that they don't have food, clothes or bullets is pretty illogical.

If someone could explain how the contradiction works instead of just mindlessly downvoting, that'd be great.

Happy cake day 🥳

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Or Johnny Dangerously

Are your sister's grandparents not YOUR grandparents?

Would have had to have paid attention.

Happies cake day

I’m so fucking confused someone please explain.

What's with the "Long" tag on this?

Changes in borders or country identification/name

It’s all the same city. Lviv, Ukraine has at one point been considered part of all those countries.

Not quite the same but my dad grew up in Alsace Lorraine which had a similar history of jumping between France and Germany. He grew up near a street that had both Rue and Strasse in the name.

Ah ok

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I was born in St. Petersburg, went to school in Petrograd, lived & worked in Leningrad. I will die in St. Petersburg. All without moving.

So funny, I am from Latin America and I got it.

Could be a half-sister.

I have ancestors who were born in the Ottoman Empire but emigrated to the USA from Greece. Same house.

Never realized Saint Peter was so bad at geography. Or Russian history

Happy cake day

>that a worker's state is somehow simultaneously so dangerous as to warrant an undercover visit from a three-letter-agency and so pathetic that they don't have food, clothes or bullets

This is the "contradiction of the enemy" that fascists are known for - claiming that the enemy is both weak and strong. And capitalists have been doing it to socialists ever since socialism has existed as a codified economic system.

LOL!

Yeah, no kidding, comrade! But try to point that out and people get upset.

Well, hasn't been too long since the Cold War and a lot of the Anglosphere still mindlessly hates socialism because of the Red Scare.

Especially pointing out that capitalists do the same things to socialists that fascists do to their scapegoats. People really get upset when you compare capitalism to fascism, or imply that fascism is capitalism in decay.

Yeah, it makes their profit-loving brains melt. Oh well.

It sure does.

Although it can be fun in person. Watching the gears in a capitalist's brain slowly grind to a halt, is hilarious.

It really is sometimes! Mostly I just want good working-class people to understand how deeply they're being screwed, though. I hope to get the gears to turn the other way.

No kidding. It was pointed out to you in a joke format and you got upset.

r/whoosh

Indeed. Confusing them can be fun but it's not useful, much better is to explain socialist ideas without the big scary words from the Cold War and get them to see how they're being screwed. Most of the time you're not dealing with an actual capitalist or a rank-and-file fascist, you're dealing with a good, decent working-class person who is brainwashed and getting screwed over, and it does no good to confuse them or try to debate circles around them when you might be able to get them to see through the programming if you avoid the words they've been programmed to hate.

Unless that post was self reflective, it doesn't make sense cause you weren't making a joke.

Would you like to explain how Soviets are supposed to be both dangerous and pathetic? How does that work?

As a joke it works well. And if you raise your eyes up some, you might see we're in a certain subreddit that's privy to jokes.

There’s no way those places all existed in the same location. Refuse to believe it.

No, it doesn't, because it makes no sense. A 'joke' is funny because it points out some truism that the receiver of said joke hasn't realized before. Even a simple one, like, oh, pillows are like giant marshmallows! Hahaha! If you tell that one to a small child who hasn't heard it, they'll think it's the most hilarious thing because to them, it is. Jokes are meant to make us think, and learn. This is why children laugh constantly. There have been serious psychological studies on the purpose of humor and what it does to our brains.

A 'joke' that sets the scene by establishing a character as both pathetic and dangerous isn't particularly good because it's not based in reality.

Russia has proven to be extremely incompetent in warfare, which is a sign of severe weakness. But any country can likely target and kill and individual, which looks strong when you're in the country itself.

Hence the strong and weak imagery that was already explained to you and you agreed with.

No, see, that was about you, not understanding what it is you're criticizing.

I'm pretty sure it is about you not understanding a joke. Cause glorious Russia can't be described as weak or you'll find yourself falling out an 8th story window. I get it, you gotta look out for yourself.

Modern-day Russia is not actually the same thing as the Soviets who overthrew their oppressors in 1917, you know that, right?

Dude, I just explained to you that Russia and Soviets are not the same thing. Do some reading.

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You belong in this sub cause you're a joke.

Oooooh, good one. /s

If the man lived long enough (past the breakup of the USSR) then he could be back to Ukraine to die.

I'm just trying to keep you out of the windows.

I live on the ground floor, in the US. Try again.

Did not get it

Oh thank God, so you're allowed to insult Putin and Russia, right?

Can you say Putin sucks dick for bus money, then walks home?

Reminds of Archer and Barry

KGB officer tells spy in the past he would have been shot. CIA operative concludes the reason he wasn’t shot is because of a shortage of bullets.

It makes fun of all the shortages the USSR was known to suffer from.

I guess? I can say whatever I like about Putin, he has no power over me.

Prove it.

I think it was just Berlin, not New Berlin.

Apparently it was founded by Germans who got there before the British surveyors and their rectilinear plans did, so it was laid out in a more Central European fashion with streets coming together at odd angles. Which explains things like King St E, King St W, King St S, and King St N: all the same street end-to-end, but it runs in a rough horseshoe shape, most of which is neither east, west, south, or north. 🙂

Before the First World War, there were enough German-speakers there to support German-language newspapers and schools.

Fun Fact: the Lord Kitchener it was renamed after was the guy with the epic moustache on the first version of the “I want YOU!” recruiting poster.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Kitchener_Wants_You

Cite: went to Waterloo University. 🙂

Istanbul was Constantinople

Help me out here: I don't get the joke. I feel like its super funny, but I'm not understanding it

He ought to know, they named a town after him, twice.

Don't be ignorant.

If the CIA knew any if that, the cold war would have ended quite quickly.

It’s called sarcasm.

A half sister. All of my siblings are like that.

What is KGB?

Soviet era intelligence agency, basically their CIA.

It's all the same city, but over the years, as different larger countries overran the area, the city changed "names" and became a part of different countries. OP explains it in a comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/zz8wno/comment/j2a9b5l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Why did Constantinople get the works?

That's nobody's business but the Turks.

Happy coke day!

My father's mother has a similar thing, but with her name. She kept localising it to fit in, so we are not actually sure what her birth name is anymore.

dude it’s a joke it’s not meant to be taken seriously holy shit

Well, isn't this place a Geographical Oddity?.....

I understand. My great grandfather came in off the boat to Ellis island way back when. They changed the spelling of his name. Just enough. So that other relatives in the old country couldn't find him, supposedly. IDK. The story changes. My grandfather didn't know it until he needed a birth certificate - somehow something didn't match up.

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I actually have a joke about that:

So you remember uncle Shaun?

Big man, spoke with a heavy Austrian accent, constantly sloshed?

Well, he got his name when he was going through Ellis Island. You see, he had heard from his neighbour's wife that to succeed in America, you needed to have a good Anglo name like Cedric Wellington, so he had determined that he would change his name when he got there.

Standing in line, he started thinking of all the things he would do and all the things he would see, like visiting the Statue of Liberty! Oh, how nice that would be. But as he was doing this, he forgot to notice that he had come up to the immigration officer's desk.

'Name?'

Taken out of his day-dreaming, he got caught flat footed. Thinking desperately, he tried to remember the name he wanted and so to try to stall for time he blurted out. 'Ich habe es schon vergessen!'

And that is how he came by the name Shaun Fergusson.

An old lady gets on the bus on a cold winter day. "Thank God," she says to the driver, "I thought I was going to miss the last bus and be stuck out in the snow!"

The driver shushes her and says, "You can't say 'thank god' these days, you'll get in trouble. If you must say something, thank Comrade Stalin."

"Oh, I see," says the old woman. "But... what if something awful should happen and Comrade Stalin dies? What do I say then?"

"If Comrade Stalin dies, then you may thank God."

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It was automatically applied.

Damn, I had no clue. I thought he was British, through and through

Nice one, although to sound perfectly German you should either say "hab ich schon vergessen" or simply, "schon vergessen". The second one works better with the joke.

I thought so. Some subs have very odd limits for autotagging.

50+

Someone explain

I think the word you’re thinking of is sarcasm. Unless your first comment was serious then that’s sad

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All of the places mentioned are the same place. The city's name and country changed a lot during the first half of the Twentieth Century due to a lot of wars happening there. Lemberg, Lwow, Lviv, Lvov, and Lemberik are all different names for one city. There are in fact many more names for the city.

Saint Peter you say?

Swallow the Sun - With You Came the Whole of the World's Tears

Saint Peter Save me and send me down to hell For I will find her there Where moonlight catches her scarlet hair

Where she sings And black ravens circle above her In the burning air

Silence your heart before it tears you apart Keep your eyes on the distant thunder Unfold your wings against the dark

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves My body left for the winter My eyes for the night

With you came the whole of the world's tears The space between the heartbeats Is where I felt you A small death each and every time

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

I stand straight at the form of my faith To keep the last of my honour But my legs won't carry me anymore Paralysed before the eyes of a hunter I open up my veins for the parasites to come

Silence your heart before it tears you apart Keep your eyes on the distant thunder Unfold your wings against the dark

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves Arise, arise, arise Walk on your altar of sacrifice And let the blood run for her

My heart thrown to the lions My soul fed to the wolves My body left for the winter My eyes for the night

Saint Peter Save me and send me down to hell

Ignore my autism. Fucking love this song.

I was not expecting that. What is the song about?

A man's wife passed away and his whole world is destroyed and he wants to follow her.

The Genre is either Funeral Doom or Death Doom

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If they did they likely wouldn’t do much imho cause during the Cold War they had open authority to do anything they wanted. Don’t like a countries leader, just install someone that will pay you? Want more money, then just deal drugs to get it? It wasn’t as if the President or Congress had the balls to ever stop them.

:)

English wasn’t his mother tongue, yet he wrote his books in English. Fascinating fellow.

We could easily spot that American spy. A native Soviet man didn't have to go to the store to find out the shelves were empty. Only spies would show up at the store for no reason.

He never lived there really. He grew up in Kraków and his name is strongly associated with that city.

I'm from Silesia and my family members fought in WWII on both sides. Fortunately different fronts so they didn't have to shoot each other. It was quite common here in fact. My grandfather fought in WWII on the Polish side was killed when Wehrmacht shelled their positions while his wife's uncle was a real Nazi. My poor grandma must have been confused.

Down voted for Russian. Lviv is not Russia.

Oh, for a second there, I thought this was a Hitler joke.

And as the bus stopped at the next stop, driver got missing...

Explain?

You're right, it's Polish.

They're all the same city, but it was constantly being taken over by different countries.

All right, for the life of me I can not figure out how you thought this was going to go. I am curious how you thought the joke ended.

I am no historian, sir, but I'll take your word for it ;)

Committee for State Security

Soviet equivalent of the Department of Homeland Security

The danger comes from both what they have that we wish they didn't, and what they didn't have that both us and then wished they did. They had nuclear weapons, and it was understood that if the regime felt like we were going to attempt to depose them like we did Saddam Hussein, they would end the world. They didn't have food or clothes because they redirected all their resources to military buildups, thanks to the fucked up mentality that told them ending the world was a totally appropriate response to conflict with the West. Ironically this actually made them even more dangerous because then we were dealing with a massive inferiority complex of people who had nothing, and could never admit that they had nothing. Armed with nukes. If they had spent their resources on producing food and clothes for their people like a good workers state should, instead of planning to cause the apocalypse, they wouldn't have had the inferiority complex,

We?

Actually, Lwow was Polish city since 14th century so after WWI we regained our city as well as our independenty.

I don't get it.

I dont want to write them down - i want to give credit to PotUS.

If you are claiming its conquest in 1349 as the start of it being a Polish city, then I think the same principle and standard ought to apply to all other ownership changes. It ceased being Polish with the First Partition of Poland, it ceased being Austrian with the collapse of the Empire and the proclamation of the various Ukrainian republics, and so on and so forth.

Otherwise, your comment is a rather pointless exercise in nationalism. One which invites tears, given the population exchanges that were conducted after the Second World War to avoid any further claims and troubles.

I meant that it was Polish city for the most of the time in the history. Also in 1909 65% of citizens spoke Polish language. I agree that the same principle applies to all ownership changes, as Wroclaw was rarely in the borders of Poland and Szczecin even less. German roots are massive there. And its uncommon in Europe to get a city without a conquer. It’s all the history.

u/Ratiasu

My father in law resembles this joke.

The city was constantly overtaken by new forces.

Thanks.

Happy cake day!

Ah, sorry. I misunderstood you there and thought this was something much worse. I was not looking forward to seeing this joke spark any sort of nationalist flag waving, as I could see that ending rather poorly for all involved.

He actually just went into hiding. Disguised as a nun.

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Don't keep it all to yourself.

Where'd he get it from??

My grandfather was Polish. I have an aunt who is now claiming we're actually Ukrainian. I'm starting to get it.

And native Americans thought they were the ones most affected by European aggression. The central Europeans might be the new champions

I've heard the same joke, but using Saint Petersburg

Actually, my uncles told me stories about how you'd have to buy almost everything from under the counter. Even just to buy a pair of jeans you'd need to ask a friend's friend who knew a guy who had a friend who knew a smuggler who got new stock from Western Germany.

So the joke is just “Communism bad”, except the only evidence we have of that in the joke is an American saying so?