Submitted by specious_foofaraw t3_z75xxm in Jokes
One thing leads to another and they end up barhopping all night. While going to one last place, they get in a terrible accident and all three are killed.
They find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates.
St Peter tells them, "Boys, you're in luck. Since it's Christmas, we have a special policy. Show me anything that shows that you're celebrating the day, and you get into Heaven."
One guy pulls out his lighter and flicks it. "Christmas candle."
"OK, it's a stretch, but you're in."
Second guy pulls out his keys and jingles them. "Christmas bells."
"Whatever, you're in."
Third guy pulls a pair of women's panties out of his pocket.
St. Peter says, "Hold up. I'm willing to stretch a point today, but what do panties have to do with Christmas?"
"They're Carol's"
caltroppsederapp42 t1_iy5o239 wrote
A famous professor of surgery died and went
to heaven.
At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper: "Have you ever
committed a sin you truly regret?"
"Yes," the professor answered sadly. "When I was a young candidate at
the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the
Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the
referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match and the
tournament. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is
having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.