Submitted by badpuffthaikitty t3_z7goch in Jokes
The clerk shows her a white one. She declines it. He shows her a black dildo. She declines it again. She looks over his shoulder and asks how much the tartan dildo is. He replies “Ma’am, that is my thermos”.
Right behind her was an elderly lady with a shaky voice asking "do y-y-ooou-u s-s-sell vib-b-rat-ors?"
The salesman told her "yes we do, ma'am" to which she replies "h-h-how d-do I t-turn-n it off-ff?"
How much for the shinny metal one ? that's a trash can lady ! And if you need that then either just forget about getting off as it's going to kill you, or let me set up an only fan's and we'll cash in on your caved in credit card swipe slot !
Lol
There's one more, but I would feel kilty showing it to in here.
I know a similar one but the punch line is the fire extinguisher.
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The real joke is in the comments
What did the Scottish lady say to the kilted salesman climbing a ladder in the clothing store?
"That looks very interesting right up there."
What's the definition of a slutty Scottish woman?
Someone who will go after anyone in a skirt.
Sounds pretty hateful when you try to elaborate like that.
This is eerily almost exactly the same joke as I remember seeing in a sketch show back in the '80s - Smith and Jones, perhaps...?
A woman goes to the shop and buys a cucumber. The grocer asks, “would you like it sliced?”
“I’ve got a fanny not a slot machine”
"I know"
r/therealjokeisinthecomments
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How much for the brown and green one?
Ma'am, that's a date palm!
The real comment is in the jokes.
That’s kinda philosophical lmao
Would probably work better with a baguette. Who tf offers to slice a cucumber?
Counter point who would assume you're sticking a baguette in a coochie?
Ma'am that's my Yaris .
A woman walks into a deli. She orders a huge salami. The butcher asks “would you like it sliced?”
“Does it look like my ass is a piggy bank?”
That’s kinda lmao philosophical
Accidentally shuts her off
Comments to the comments are in the comments.
The fact that this is told in conjunction with the first joke makes it absolutely amazing
That's kinda misspelled
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Lol 😝 good one
Not an ordinary thermos will do
Yup I'm right here
Lord save us
r/therealjoke
An extra special thermos, you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in…
nahh if anyones a joke I am
Believe it's known as the "Croch Madame"
I knew this was gonna be good
That's kinda hard
Bread sticks were well known by the ancients - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_dildo
I want the white accordion. That’s a radiator
Would go a bit soggy, but might make a tasty sandwich?
r/therealjokewasthefriendswemadealongtheway
“Who much for that one?”
“That’s my Tardis”
Xhibit: “You dawg, I heard you like yeast”
Do you have one in extra large?
"I know what I'm about, son."
"Ma'am this is a Wendy's."
I'm kinda hard
Man that thermos is super veiny.
The more you know…
I thought the answer was going to be something about him having an erection under his kilt.
I was an ambulance EMT. My FAVORITE accident - two German college women who rolled their rental car with a trunk full of every manner of sex toys known - leaving a bright, colorful 20' by 40' debris field of sex toys all over the Alaskan highway on a busy summer afternoon. Women were taken to the local clinic and were fine - the old guy from the tow truck station that had to pick it all up one piece at time - in front of 40 cars waiting for the cops to finishs their end - him shaking his head after picking each dildo or toy up.. not so much.
But does it feel bigger on the inside?
r/unexpecteddrwho
Why Scottish
or jist frae Dundee
The version I heard of this was “a guy got a new job at a sex store, the manager trains him and shows him around and says:’hey I have to go do somethings I will be back in about an hour’ so the guy is sitting at the counter and a white woman comes in and asks for dildos, he says we have a white one and a black one, she says I have never had a black one before I will take that one. A few mins later a black lady comes in and again asks for a dildo he explains we have a white one and a black one, she says I have never had a white one I will take that one. Well about 10 minutes later a blonde comes in again asking for a dildo, he says we have a white one and a black one, she says, I have both of those do you have anything different? He says yes!, we have a plaid one that just came in, it costs twice as much, she says yes I will take that one. The manager comes back and asks so how did you do? He says I sold a white model, a black model and your thermos.
I modified the joke. I didn’t steal it! /s
r/subsifellfor
Hah, but I'm a cunning linguist!
FocusMaster t1_iy6jjry wrote
How much for the red one. Ma'am that's the fire extinguisher.