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TooShiftyForYou t1_ivtss2z wrote

I said to my physician, "Dr., I've really got to lose some weight. I'm huge, my dad is huge, my mom is huge and my sisters are huge. This terrible burden of obesity runs in my family."

He said, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

379

thegumby1 t1_ivszs4m wrote

And don’t call me Shirley!

167

RibaldPancake OP t1_ivt02kl wrote

Good addition! It might confuse some folks, though...

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akramer1964 t1_ivtkoy7 wrote

You're dating yourself altogether.

20

Make_the_music_stop t1_ivtc4ak wrote

A guy walks into a busy bar and sees two ribeye steaks hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what’s up with the steaks. The bartender tells him it’s a challenge, if he can jump and touch the ribeyes he can drink free all night. However if he try’s and fails, he has to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The bartender then asks him if he’d like to try. The man replies “No the steaks are too high”

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akersmacker t1_ivu6hwu wrote

I can't eat another wafer...

Bucket!

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TheProfessionalEjit t1_ivuum9b wrote

Ezzz just a tiny wafer

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Craigus_Conquerer t1_ivzhl6c wrote

Monty python "meaning of life", the wafer makes the enormous man explode.

1

Waitsfornoone t1_ivtd0i9 wrote

A "large" man is eating a steak dinner at a restaurant when the waitress comes over and asks him "How did you find the steak, sir?"
The man looks at her and replies "I just moved the potatoes."

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DadJokeBadJoke t1_ivuxze1 wrote

In one Cheers episode, Norm takes Woody to his favorite steak place The Hungry Heifer. (Of course, Norm gets his same greeting when he walks in). The waitress comes over and Norm says "How about the carnivore platter for two." She turns to Woody and he says "I think he just ordered for both of us." and Norm and the waitress both shake their head No.

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adviceKiwi t1_ivumknp wrote

Oh but Monsieur, it's just a waaaafer thin mint...

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third-try t1_ivti5hy wrote

More originally:

Enrico Caruso was going to his table in a restaurant once and saw a diva he knew sitting down to an enormous steak. "You're not going to eat that alone, are you, Steffi?"

"No," she replied, "I have also potatoes ordered."

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RibaldPancake OP t1_ivtim3r wrote

It might go back to Og and Grog the cavemen talking about brontosaurus ribs...

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rogue-wolf t1_ivtj8g1 wrote

The original was a story about Ernestine Schumann-Heink, an opera singer.

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third-try t1_iw7iyln wrote

And the nickname he used was "Stina". Remember it now.

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Gorf_the_Magnificent t1_ivt8kr3 wrote

Why the quotation marks around “large?”

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dewayneestes t1_ivts9f4 wrote

r/steak

For the guy who posted the bronto-ribeye the other day.

3

eaglewatch1945 t1_ivwfrxi wrote

If i can get a dessert down him, think you can throw in a couple of Paul Bunyan hat's for the kids?

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Meranek t1_ivts2qy wrote

Can we not say fat anymore?

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RibaldPancake OP t1_ivtukux wrote

It's possible that he was just very big, not fat. My dog told me this joke this morning and she didn't elaborate.

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Meranek t1_ivtv5rr wrote

I get that, but why put it in quotes? It just sounds like you are implying something when you could just say large.

−1

xiz666 t1_ivvbhjg wrote

What are you implying is being implied here?

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puganty t1_ivvmwlj wrote

Ahh found the fat man.

−1

Meranek t1_ivvxhh4 wrote

I am indeed fat. It's not like it's a slur.

5