This is my favorite (clean, short) joke.

Knock knock.

(Who's there?)

Wooden shoe.

(Wooden shoe who?)

Wooden shoe like to know.

A QA engineer walks into a bar and orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

The bartender pours one beer and says "it works on my machine."

I wanted to tell you all about the best Indian Restaurant I went to last night, but they made me sign a naan disclosure agreement.

Had to do the same thing a while back. Here's the one I told that went over well (some words changed but same basic structure):

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/z70ace/comment/iy3yuiw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

It might be good to use something like this - as so many office disputes are communication based. And sometimes both parties are right.

It depends on the office where you work if that's considered office friendly.. pretty sure that in most cases, that's not office friendly 😅

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the rabbit “What is your blood type?”, and the rabbit replies “I think I’m a type-O”

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

​

None, that's a hardware issue.

It was funny the first time and still funny...

A Mechanic, an Engineer and a Microsoft Developer were in a car driving on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere when they get a flat tyre. They check the spare and that's also flat.

The Mechanic says " Okay we'll have to walk back to the town we just passed and try for a tow"

The Engineer says "Wait a minute guys, let's analyse our situation, weigh up our options and work out the probability of someone coming along and helping us.

The Microsoft dev says "Nah guys. let's just keep driving, maybe the wheel will just repair itself....."

I don't get it.. the what works on what machine?

Or the version of the same joke when after the testing a guest walks in and asks where the restrooms are (iirc) and the bar blows up :)

Found it: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/vfy8hj/a_software_tester_walks_into_a_bar/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

But might be too long and probably works better when read than delivered…

How are a West Hollywood cosmetologist and cosmologist the same? : : : : They both trim the hair of former stars.

Why did the midget eats the ice cream cone?

What is Putin's favourite song?

Crimea River.

Q. What has 4 wheels and flies?

A. A garbage truck.

I wouldn't use this in a work environment (whatever the punchline). M*dget is a slur

I... don't think I get it. Would you care to enlighten me?

🚨 M * D G E T A L E R T🚨 🤯

This is true. I work for an Australian company, where the boundaries are probably much wider than most...

Rabbit is a typo of Rabbi

[deleted]

It should be “Rabbi” instead of “Rabbit”. The joke is that the rabbit is type-O: as in a typo, because the joke has rabbit instead of rabbi.

Sven and Inga were on their honeymoon trip to Minneapolis. During the trip, Sven but his hand on Inga's thigh. Inga said, "Sven, we're married now so you can go farther."

So Sven drove to Duluth.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker? . I cried when I chopped up the onion.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? . I never had a lentil on my face.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? . No ideer.

What's the difference between a good project manager and a bad project manager?

One makes updates and the other makes-up dates.

(This one is all about the delivery :) )

why did the chicken cross the road. to get to the idiots house.

knock knock. who's there? the chicken.

two jokes really. hopefully someone will bite and day who's there!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea?

Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining.

Q: What's the difference between a car tire and 365 used condoms?

A: One's a Goodyear. The other is a great year!

I guess the Microsoft dev said : just close all the windows.

Why did the vertically challenged they eat the ice cream cone? Woke enuff for ya?

I bet you didn’t dilly dally there too long.