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amerkanische_Frosch t1_jdzghrc wrote

James Bond walks into a bar and sizes up the local talent.

He sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool.

He walks up, catlike, to the bar, orders a vodka martini (shaken, not stirred!), puts his hand on the blonde's knee and says, suavely:

"Bond. JAMES Bond."

The blonde gets off the stool and kicks Bond squarely in the balls. As Bond is doubled over in pain, she administers a powerful right uppercut to his chin. Mercifully, he sinks into unconsciousness and falls to the floor.

The blonde says:

"Off. FUCK off."

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Icetyger4 t1_jdzk81u wrote

I've never heard this one before. I loved it.

147

Wingcapx t1_jdzy89r wrote

Of course she's sitting on the bar stool all alone. They're only big enough for one person to sit on.

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Escapewithme2 t1_je02tst wrote

Just as he's about to engage her, he realizes it's Beth Dutton.

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ritchfld t1_je065hp wrote

I first heard this 40+ years ago. It was funny then and it is STILL funny.

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LedgeEndDairy t1_je0h5wv wrote

Replying to The-Coolest-Of-Cats (#2,418,332)

Yes it did. He used the frog as an accessory to pique her interest into coming up to his place. The frog, being a frog, does nothing, so he stays in character saying he was going to show the frog one more time how to lick pussy.

I.e. The guy licks her pussy, which was his objective all along.

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L-X-I-X t1_je0iog5 wrote

He then proceeds to lick the frog's cloaca.

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The-Coolest-Of-Cats t1_je0k70m wrote

Replying to LedgeEndDairy (#2,418,428)

But there's literally no indication that the girl consented to him licking her instead, so I guess that's why it falls completely flat for me. If she's down for him to do that, then she was interested in him anyway, which also ruins the joke, so..

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bl1y t1_je0nf7k wrote

I was convinced the punchline was going to be something like "Good, now that the flies are gone..."

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Inevitable-Cellist23 t1_je0odhe wrote

I thought the frog would turn into a prince upon kissing her lips or something

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derTag t1_je0rnyz wrote

He removed the blonde?

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elaphros t1_je0rvnr wrote

Wow, that must have been a really good joke and the mods decided it didn't belong here after all.

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Beidou-my-beloved1 t1_je0tj8l wrote

The guy says yes and..? It's removed? Ah man.. i really want to hear the joke

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Harshisnar t1_je10xrg wrote

The Deleted Text:

So the guy sits down next to her and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens it and there's a frog inside. The blonde says, "He's cute, but does he do tricks?" The guy says, "Yes, he licks pussy." So after talking with her for several minutes, he convinces her to come with him to his apartment. They get there and she takes all of her clothes off, gets into the bed, and spreads her legs. The guy sets the frog right between her legs and it just sits there not moving at all. The blonde says, "Well? What's up?" The frog still does not move. So the guy leans over to the frog and says, "All right, I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time.”

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DidntWantSleepAnyway t1_je1j3fm wrote

Replying to peekay427 (#2,420,605)

I’m not going to tell it as well, but:

The guy takes out a frog, and tells the blonde “this is no ordinary frog! It can do tricks!”

“What kind of tricks?”

“Well, he can lick pussy.”

The blonde wants to see, so she invites him over and takes off her clothes. The guy sets the frog down on the bed.

Nothing happens.

The guy says to the frog, “You’ve forgotten how to do it, huh? Here, let me show you how it’s done.”

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