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Make_the_music_stop t1_je9cg5i wrote

So my girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying "Sorry, this isn't working. I've gone to stay with my mother" I opened the fridge and the light came on and all the beers were ice cold. Phew!

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peter_the_martian t1_je9fzti wrote

That was a close one!

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azlan194 t1_je9kub0 wrote

Yeah, do you know how expensive a new fridge is.

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Stogie-Smoker t1_jea7e0o wrote

Cheaper than a girlfriend

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zoomzoomboomdoom t1_jeba05o wrote

Yeah, but the abandonment can be a real headache.

My girlfriend has creative issues.

If she posts on Reddit, she’s always saying: “I’m gonna leave this right here,” cuz she can’t think of anything more creative to say.

So her creative issue creates an abandonment issue.

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jsharpminor t1_jeabeig wrote

More expensive than the costume jewelry engagement ring I gave her, that's all I know

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Wendals87 t1_jedl5cj wrote

oh fancy! I got mine in a box of corn flakes. It was for kids but that is really just a recommendation

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Donohou t1_jeeqz73 wrote

She was childish, so it was fitting.

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depressedbee t1_jeaxktk wrote

Look at mr. money here talking about things new meanwhile I'm here looking to get burried in a second hand coffin.

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Wendals87 t1_jedl6rn wrote

even in death you can't afford to not have a roommate

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eroica1804 t1_jebsaf7 wrote

I'm not talking to you, you broke my fridge! That's 400 dollars.

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Marquar234 t1_je9pjbl wrote

Better check the freezer for the ice cube trays.

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Make_the_music_stop t1_je9y0qn wrote

Reference to True Lies?

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Plot_Twisty t1_je9ysx1 wrote

What kind of a bitch takes the ice cube trays?!?!

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IrascibleOcelot t1_jea2w7x wrote

Fun fact: that wasn’t originally part of the script. Tom Arnold was ranting to Arnie about his epic divorce on the set and Cameron overheard. He thought it was so funny they added it in.

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baby_fart t1_je9ppzc wrote

A beer never leaves you hangin', or gives you lip.

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mike_pants t1_je9q2h5 wrote

Haha, it's funny because woman bad!

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Donttouchmek t1_jeajwo3 wrote

My girlfriend left me for reposting this joke on reddit... oh wait, yep, that was it.

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Ewetootwo t1_jeai1ql wrote

You’re lucky. Just think if you had to go over to the girlfriend’s mother’s house for beers. What would happen if her fridge went on the fritz? Nothing would be working!

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HarborMtn t1_jed11qx wrote

I don’t have my glasses on, and first read this as “all the beans were ice cold”. I looked for a deeper meaning for longer than I should have. Great joke anyways.

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trivial_vista t1_jeb6t0i wrote

Should have added something like "Tears started forming in my eyes"

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TooShiftyForYou t1_je9curb wrote

I asked my girlfriend if she thought I was too insecure.

She clicked the handcuffs a little tighter and said, "There, that's better."

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bigwolf29 t1_je9dx6f wrote

Kinky.

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So-CalGaming t1_jec2upf wrote

Not as kinky as running bulls through the Vatican

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tjbill144 t1_jedi3q3 wrote

It's HEADLY!

Hey boys! Look what I found!

"Where all the white women at!?!"

MUH HAHAHA

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RakeishSPV t1_jecu909 wrote

As she watched the car sink under the waves she thought to herself, "finally, I can have some peace."

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thechampaignlife t1_je9nqm5 wrote

Ma'am, this is a jail and I am the arresting officer.

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DresdenPI t1_jeagma5 wrote

Then we should get married! If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. Plus, bonus, you get half the stuff I stole.

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axeman020 t1_je9d7on wrote

She went for milk and came back?!?! That's new!

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jet_heller t1_je9itkp wrote

Unlike OPs dad.

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Gwydion-Drys t1_je9tiej wrote

Of course. It is when people go to get smokes AND milk they vanish. The interference between getting something healthy and unhealthy makes them disappear into the multiverse. Doesn´t everyone know that?

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Plot_Twisty t1_je9z35y wrote

If I'm running late, my kids ask me if I went to buy scratchers. Based on that poor kid in Iron Man 3. A bit dark for a family joke, but we love it.

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[deleted] t1_je9b7ui wrote

[removed]

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DFYX t1_jea1vc3 wrote

Stop copying my most upvoted comment

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analgrunt t1_jea2s53 wrote

Come on, sharing is caring!

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analgrunt t1_jea30w6 wrote

Mi d you, looks like your comment was picked up by a bot. High praise indeed!

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TehOwn t1_jeainer wrote

Who did you copy it from?

We must go deeper!

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BradleyButNaked t1_je9rys7 wrote

I'm having the weirdest sense of deja vu...

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enilea t1_jeb6izj wrote

Check their profile, it's a bot. Very common technique

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n30nl30n t1_je9s2ju wrote

My girlfriend left me because I'm blind.... honestly- I didn't see it coming

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Nuf-Said t1_jeahv8i wrote

My crippled girlfriend left me and moved back with her mother. I was so angry that I went to her mother’s house and stole her wheelchair. I knew she’d come crawling back.

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Nikki_Blonde t1_jea89kn wrote

I have anxiety and he is not talking to me .. its been 8 hours. . .

Okay he is awake... Its all okay now.

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ccstewy t1_jebor6a wrote

God I feel this

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RedditIsNeat0 t1_jecroxz wrote

I've been feeling all of these. It's so sad. I don't give a shit about my mom but I wish I could hug her dog.

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[deleted] t1_je9adgd wrote

[removed]

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the_other_irrevenant t1_je9iekm wrote

Why? Even if you thought it was serious, all she did according to the OP was pop out for milk and come back.

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jet_heller t1_je9irva wrote

Dude, you can't pop out on a person that has abandonment issues! They'll get PTSD and start suicide ideation!

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sunshinefivenine t1_je9z8zb wrote

I think they meant they only saw the title. She left cause of his abandonment issues, something like that

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jderamus1 t1_jea8vuy wrote

So you’re telling me there is a chance my dad went out for milk and has only been lost for 20 years….

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BlacksmithInformal80 t1_jeac0gf wrote

*Dad comes back

“Damn that lineup ain’t no joke. Got those smokes though…I was supposed get milk? I’ll be right back”

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Lone_Wanderer97 t1_jeb1vbc wrote

My girlfriend left me because I stole her wheelchair.

It's ok, she'll come crawling back eventually.

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JonnyBhoy t1_jeb4o4t wrote

My girlfriend left me because I'm scared of committment

Well, she wasn't really my girlfriend, more of a friend.

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richardec t1_jeagbf5 wrote

I know how you feel.

My dad went out for cigarettes in 1971. His dinner is getting cold but I'm not worried.

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Starr_Struckk t1_jeb4uxz wrote

I have psychosis and my girlfriend is always so supportive! Like last night she clung to me ceiling and watched over me all night!

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-saphyra- t1_jeba8z9 wrote

She put a note on the ps5 that said “this isn’t working”. I was scared until I turned it on. Messaged her “it works!”

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chemgator64 t1_je9arma wrote

That’s more like paranoid then insecure

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Marquar234 t1_je9pohi wrote

Who told you that I'm paranoid!?

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marijnjc88 t1_je9rc8i wrote

They all did, they all talk about us behind our backs

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Marquar234 t1_jea17q0 wrote

It was the fake birds again.

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bryanBr t1_jea6t2h wrote

They spread chemtrails to make us think birds are real because fake birds carry secret data that proves the Earth is flat.

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gigaswardblade t1_jeahm5u wrote

Unlike your father who still has yet to return with the milk

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cardcomm t1_jeanij8 wrote

When she goes for cigarettes, you know your in real trouble

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[deleted] t1_jebr0mg wrote

[deleted]

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cardcomm t1_jebscnb wrote

Because - It's commonly said that when someone abandons their family, that "they left to get cigarettes and never came back"

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niftyben t1_jebe62p wrote

I remember the last 900 times this was posted...

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StevenMcFlyJr t1_jebqn0b wrote

Was it in the fridge or at the store tho? Time is a bitch

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davisyoung t1_jecrf3m wrote

Your girlfriend would make a terrible father. She actually came back with the milk.

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natashaamilly1357 t1_jeacwzs wrote

If I had a nickel for every time I heard this joke...

Brb I'll finish the sentence when I get back. Just going to the store for some cigarettes and a fashion of milk.

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SaintPanda_ t1_jeaf69g wrote

mom said it's my turn to repost this next week

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mainnick t1_jeamilq wrote

Ngl took me a few min to get this one but finally LOL'd 😄

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Equal-Bend-3136 t1_jeamx6c wrote

If I was u , I would sue her with a big butt lady

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ratchooga t1_jeaqeyp wrote

Thought I was in the bpd subreddit for a second.

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Meatslab8590 t1_jeaqupw wrote

I was gonna say “she abandoned you because you were feeling abandoned?”

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TBTabby t1_jeb9jy8 wrote

Are you a dog?

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Jordi1620 t1_jeb9o1j wrote

My girlfriend left me because of my pasta fetish. I’m feeling cannelloni right now

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Rogue100 t1_jebcbkd wrote

I imagine this is how our pets feel anytime we leave the house!

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SuperSaiyan2589 t1_jebhcxy wrote

But was it to go get milk or get away from you for a little while?

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raysqman t1_jeca3hd wrote

Good old number 137. Where have you been all week?

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ntthtmn t1_ject0sq wrote

Ah this one was hilarious

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Illustrious_Buy5289 t1_jecz21w wrote

whose the 10 thousand mentally disabled people upvoting this shit is what i want to know.

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Due-Science-9528 t1_jedciss wrote

Literally me except I was dating mentally ill men who would disappear for days at a time

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irubberyouglue1000 t1_jedg7la wrote

this something a dog experiences when it’s owner leaves the house for a bit

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Botch_Lobotomy t1_jedk6jr wrote

I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend. She was seeing someone else

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Tasera t1_jedvlx9 wrote

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't stand my being mute anymore... I was speechless.

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juicyart t1_jeg373f wrote

schrodinger's girlfriend

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Born-Mix1534 t1_jeczo27 wrote

Then improve on yourself man

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MrGipiem t1_jeblo7b wrote

Of course she left you; if you cant take care or love yourself, how in the world are you supposed to love or take care of another person?

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Northman67 t1_je9s8ly wrote

I sent my girlfriend a text 30 seconds ago and she hasn't responded. I don't know why she's leaving me!

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xc68030 t1_jea9k1e wrote

/r/yourjokebutworse

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Northman67 t1_jeaxx8x wrote

Haters gonna hate.

That's kind of the modern thing though people like you have to have someone to denigrate your own lives must be so miserably terrible that you have to spend all your time on social media down voting people.

It's really quite tragic and probably why you can't get laid except by a hooker or your mother.

Here let me downvote my own comments to show you how utterly worthless your downvote is.

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nineofnein t1_jebzdcd wrote

Because this is /r/jokes not /r/relationships :)))

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