I was deeply touched.
Comments
ashamedprotein t1_jefwdf9 wrote
What's the worst thing to feel during a prostate exam?
Two hands on your shoulders.
jimmymcstinkypants t1_jege41g wrote
As the doctor finished my prostate exam and the nurse entered the room, she said the 3 words you never want to hear: "Who was that?"
rascible t1_jeg9rqz wrote
Worst. Dentist. Ever.
peter_the_martian t1_jegd9m5 wrote
I’d like a moment or two alone with this comment. Is that okay?
DependentDrag1130 t1_jefm9zi wrote
Too funny!
beesadventure t1_jefluri wrote
Bahahaha
legends_never_die_1 t1_jeglhgu wrote
Bahahah
Waitsfornoone t1_jef2c42 wrote
I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
Finrod_the_awesome t1_jegc4ox wrote
For me it was a van. Some of it was my fault. I have to stop taking candy and happy juice from strangers.
12altoids34 t1_jegcg4o wrote
Hey, with medical cost being the way they are, you get your free medical exams wherever you can get them.
Finrod_the_awesome t1_jegcym0 wrote
I just wish he didn't insist on a weekly follow-ups due to the history of cancer in my family. But he just wants what's best for me.
Reddit_Jax t1_jeghduz wrote
I'll bet you'd be happy with weekly follow-ups if he was a she.
thereaverofdarkness t1_jeh1en9 wrote
I am a male who was raped by a female. And no, I didn't want weekly follow-ups.
thereaverofdarkness t1_jegjqfj wrote
no
Astronopolis t1_jegnzxw wrote
Good “yes, and”
chippstero1 t1_jegdsfb wrote
N don't fall for the free wifi in the van trick either cuz he didn't even have free wifi fuckin liar I hate when ppl lie to me
BrandX3k t1_jegumt0 wrote
So it was Wi-lie?
RearEchelon t1_jegwq95 wrote
Mi scusi
Embarrassed-Ebb-6900 t1_jef6nr5 wrote
I went to the proctologist, turns out I’m not the perfect asshole people think I am
Behold_the_Turnip t1_jeflpvv wrote
Which was nice to hear, but I'm not sure why my dentist knows.
Finrod_the_awesome t1_jegbtof wrote
My dentist joke that my wife and I both have a gag reflex. It took me awhile to remember that we don't have the same dentist.
DerRaumdenker t1_jeg1ey2 wrote
I went to the doctor for an examination
"I think you should stop masturbating"
"Why doc?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you"
ThePhantomPooper t1_jegndd1 wrote
I like to say my female dentist when I tell this joke.
ShortfallofAardvark t1_jeg0fuy wrote
My doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my prostate. He couldn’t quite put finger on it.
Minimum-Head-6593 t1_jeg3f8a wrote
The problem was right under his nose
GhostShark t1_jeg8e78 wrote
I recently got in touch with my inner self.
I’m never buying cheap toilet paper again.
jmtbkr t1_jegff0j wrote
After my last exam, I asked my doctor if he could remove his ring next exam. His answer was, “That’s not a ring, it was my wristwatch!”
palparepa t1_jefx8h4 wrote
After my prostate exam, my doctor had a grim face. Suddenly he stood up and left, almost running. Soon after, the nurse comes in, and utters the words that every man fears most in such a situation: "Who was that guy?"
stevehrowe2 t1_jefth1f wrote
But I was annoyed that he was so focused on whose prostate and where I got it.
salawow t1_jegikix wrote
Doctor: Bend over please.
Doctor: Your rectum is very tight, i'll go a bit deeper.
Doctor: Do you feel it when i move my finger like this ?
Patient: Yes, it tickles a bit
Doctor: And now ?
Patient: Oh my, don't move so fast !
Doctor: Ok, i'm done, now i will pull my finger out.
Patient: So how is my prostate ?
Doctor: Your what ?
Patient: What ??
Doctor: What ?
legends_never_die_1 t1_jegmjbn wrote
i would take that as a compliment
BobT21 t1_jeghtyz wrote
One of my (at the time) very young nephews asked my also very young son why their Grandfather (my Dad) urinated so much. My son said "I think he has an enraged prostitute."
CFCYYZ t1_jefboma wrote
Look, I am reluctant to correct you, but you have hemorrhoids, not asteroids.
And you want to see a proctologist, not an astronaut.
ztreHdrahciR t1_jefqj20 wrote
Who doesn't love a good proctology joke?
Major_Magazine8597 t1_jeg58j3 wrote
Assholes!
hardlyknower t1_jegr9s9 wrote
That’s nice. Bet it made your hole weak.
anonymous_212 t1_jegsu3k wrote
A guy came home from the doctors and told his wife that he was diagnosed with an enlarged prostate gland. He told her that the good news is that the doctor can treat without surgery by giving him a weekly prostate massage. His wife asked how much is that going to cost? The guy said $50. She said maybe I can give it to you so we can save the $200 a month, tell me how he does it. The husband said that’s a great idea. First I drop my pants, then I lean over the table, then he stands behind me, then he puts his right hand on my right shoulder and then he puts his left hand on my left shoulder, Hey! Wait a minute!
TooShiftyForYou t1_jefj36m wrote
My body suddenly jolted straight up during the prostate exam.
"Is everything OK?" I asked the Dr.
He said, "Yes, your prostate appears to be perfectly healthy."
He gave me two thumbs up.
Finrod_the_awesome t1_jegbkkf wrote
The worst part of my exam was when I realized he had both hands on my shoulders.
___HeyGFY___ t1_jegp2kw wrote
That's what you get for seeing a proctologist named Phil McCracken
Worldly_Let6134 t1_jeh2fl7 wrote
Not Dr Phil McCavity?
ahclem38 t1_jege9ef wrote
My doctor told me I had the prostate of a thirty year old. I told him I swore I didn't know how it got there.
zazzy440 t1_jeh3kk7 wrote
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? A pokemon.
Henry-Moody t1_jegn58o wrote
ok you got an exhaled sniff-laugh from me. that was good
theroadlesstraversed t1_jegrnai wrote
My doctor told me my prostate was healthy, I said that's great but I came here for a teeth cleaning.
Nikki_Blonde t1_jefvasr wrote
My doctor clicked several photos of my breasts.
Turns out .. both my lungs were healthy afterall.
CaptBilgeplug t1_jegn4xn wrote
I thought I had the greatest proctologist ever. During my procedure, a nurse came in with a cold case of Bud Light.
The Doctor started yelling at her saying, “I said I need a butt light dammit, not a bud lite.”
I was able to grab a beer on her way out so I was good.
UncleMark58 t1_jefxciu wrote
Hear about the proctologist that had no friends, everyone he knew was an asshole.
Vishwasm123 t1_jeg4ma8 wrote
Doctor told me to Stop mastrubating.
He wants to examine me.
AeroAviation t1_jefl5nu wrote
key word is HAD
slams0ne t1_jeez1yb wrote
That's a knee slapper
Altruistic-Rip4364 t1_jegfjpl wrote
Not sure how I feel about this. Can’t put my finger on it.
hirschhalbe t1_jegh2bd wrote
Then you gotta try harder
Altruistic-Rip4364 t1_jegi9o7 wrote
Lol. Or not trim my nails
Alaska_Jack t1_jegmy5a wrote
Better first line:
My doctor told me he was concerned about my prostate.
onlyforthisjob t1_jef6kwh wrote
I know, I cut it out of the victims body myself
hiik994 t1_jegtog4 wrote
That was deep.
Repulsive_Onion_5925 t1_jeh2829 wrote
How deep?
TankEngineFan5 t1_jeh3x0r wrote
Why do I hate that I got that?
FootballerWithRizz t1_jegfqpi wrote
Without examining cause my step mom told him
carlcast t1_jegmnbm wrote
What a lovable asshole you are
pog890 t1_jeg5g0y wrote
I went for a prostate exam it went well right up to the moment I heard the doctor whispering “Could you hold my thumbs please?”
sunrisepicker t1_jegl6x6 wrote
Thumbs up
07tartutic07 t1_jegm7dx wrote
I hope it was given outside and not while inside
[deleted] t1_jeg46nl wrote
[deleted]
weepydreamer t1_jeh40m0 wrote
I couldn't tell where that had cum from.
averagebenzdriver t1_jefrgz5 wrote
He lied. He just wanted an excuse to shove his finger up your ass.
Make_the_music_stop t1_jef4xv1 wrote
During my prostate exam, my doctor told me it’s perfectly normal to become aroused and even ejaculate. That being said, I still wish he hadn’t.