Hmm i hope i can answer this, so that I'm satisfied - bear with me English is not my first language:

I hope you mean how i do see my life as whole, in regards to that i know now its is over in a few weeks?

Actually, since they said there can nothing be done anymore, and i hat halve an hour to process, i felt relieve and until now this has not changed. Don't get me wrong the initial message this like bricks. But I would my describe myself as realist. After there was tumor in my lungs and liver after the invasive surgery, i prepared for not being able to make it. At least mentally. I told this my family and friends. But People actively WANT to believe 'ahh its gonna be ok'. I'm not that type of person. I see data - I interpret data - i hear professional options - i make conclusions. So until now i can say that i'm not:

• Angry - at whom?
• Negotiate - with whom?. Cancer is nothing that you can fight - you endure the treatment and if you're lucky you get to life.

I'm:

• Sad of course for my newly wife - The love of my live, i know her since 2016 - i fell in love with her instantly. I know how se looked what first said to me. I remember thinking this is be the one. She had a boyfriend so i friend zoned for 8 years - just being a good to her. Permanently working on myself to deserve her, but not to interfere in here relationship. I lost 70Kg, threw myself into sports - Crossfit/Olymic weightlifting/Marathon running and nutrition. I went on to become really good Software-Engineer - my dreamjob nonetheless!

The first week we got together - after almost 8 Years - had the most crazy week of my life. We said our first 'I Love you' at 20.12.2019. Three days later i got my diagnosis. I asked here - you gonna to this with me? She didn't even think about it. After my initial treatment was done and everything look good, she got diagnosed with cervical cancer. So we dealt with that - because that's how i always imaged being in a relationship - as a TEAM! (she my first everything by the way). Then Corona hit but we had the most fulfilling and loving relationship i could have ever dreamt of. We went from being colleagues to seeing each other the whole day as we worked in the same team. It was wonderful.

Which brinks me to my outlook of life now.

• I did always what i wanted to to with my life
• I achieved more academically and in the workforce than i could have ever imaged. I was the first one in my family go study a STEM mayor no less with grades i'm very proud of. After being 160kg heavy - i made myself into the most capable me that i could. I was able to squat > 150kg for reps, > 180kg deadlifts for reps, i ran a half an a three quarter marathon. I was (for what was possible for me) peek fitness.
• I got to be together with "MY PERSON" alone this means more then the rest that i wrote down here.

I did all my treatments to ensure best chance of survival - even if it destroyed me while doing it.

I did everything 100% or didn't do it at all. By living like this, I can sit here with 31 years and say it sucks i did not get more time - but i have no regrets, and in Summary my life is a win.

I bet there are quite a few people who life to 80+ and cannot say that.

This helps me :)