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My Fiance and I have been together for 9 years and have been having discussions about opening up the relationship - in your experience is this a bad idea for a loving long term couple? What are some ways we can go into this in the best way for our relationship, we have agreed on boundaries and are very open and communicative with each other generally

Would you want to sexually spend the rest of your life with someone you'll have to wear a condom with because they have genital herpes and you don't?

You love this person but the genital herpes is almost a deal-breaker for you. But you really love this person.

What do you do?

Basically what I tell people is that open or poly relationships are for when you've "mastered" 1-on-1 relationships and are ready to start playing on hard mode, lol.

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But what I'm getting that is many times I hear it (similar to having a kid) used trying to save or repair a relationship. That's not going to work and it's usually just going to make it even more challenging.

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But if you guys have a solid relationship and a great and open line of communication, it's not crazy at all. But like any decision in a relationship (money, kids, religion), you just want to make sure you're both doing it for the right reasons. The best way to go about is just as you've said, with open communication and boundaries. Also, you don't need to rush anything. Take a few baby steps and get to know people in the communities, that way you can keep checking in with each other to make sure you're all on the same page.

Well considering over 1/8th of folks in the US have is (~13%), it not uncommon and it's not the "devil" that it's made to seem in the health books. Yes, it can be serious if left untreated, but it's a very manageable thing. It's virtually impossible for someone with no sores (which is most of the time) to give it to someone else.

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It's not the "wear a condom for life," it's, "there'll be a small risk, but since we have good communication, we'll be honest with each other."

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But personally, if I loved someone and wanted to spend my life with them, I'd just say "F it," and get it with them and jauntily skip down HPV Lane together into the sunset.

Hi! I have a few if you don’t mind?

How do you rebuild trust in a relationship?

How do you rekindle the spark?

How do you know if someone is the one for you?

How to not let the past relationships ruin the good one you have now? ( my biggest downfall)

Thanks so much!!!

How do you get over someone who friendzoned you but you have daily contact with them through work and in a friend group?

Sure thing! Here are some quick and dirty answers.

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Trust? By doing the small things that you said you would early in a relationship. Be on time. Remember promises and dates. Follow through. Keep your word. These are all relatively small individually, but collectively, they tell you a lot about how the person values you and if they are trustworthy.

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Rekindle the spark? Creating new memories. By this I mean doing things for the first time. When we do that, we create dopamine, seratonin, cortisol and other chemicals that create emotion that create memories. They can be small things like picking up a hobby together or big things like moving or traveling.

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How to know if someone is for you? Basically by the reverse. By making sure you can identify the people that are WRONG for you as quickly as possible. You can never be sure about the future, but you can keep your eyes open for red flags and go all in with the best possible hand. Any little thing at the beginning, turns into a big thing in a relationship. So make sure you're okay with everything now, before the relationship gets put under stress mode.

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How to look at the now? Heard this recently: "If you're angry, you're living in the past. If you're worried, you're living in the future. Just concentrate on the now and that's where you'll find all the joy." I know that's easier said than done, but the past is immovable, nothing we can do to change it. But we CAN change our present. Don't let your past get in the way of your future.

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Hope these helped!

Thank you so much wow I appreciate it so much

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

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But seriously, but finding something else to focus on and enjoy. Whether that's a new hobby, new activity or the company of a new individual. Once you have something else that joyfully takes up your mental bandwidth, you'll find yourself thinking less and less about it until it becomes a non-issue.

Obviously I could speak an hour on each of those questions, but that's the marrow and gist of them!

Do you think a relationship between a minor and an adult is ever a good idea? Let's say their ages are 16 and 20, even though they are both above the age of consent in their country and have set boundaries regarding sexual interactions, aren't there still moral repercussions?

Disclaimer: I am not personally in this relationship, but I know a couple in this scenario and I can't help but feel worried.

What are your views on evolutionary psychology in the context of human mating? Do you largely agree or disagree with Dr. David buss?

Were you assigned Golgafrincham Ark Fleet Ship B?

I think there's definitely an aspect of that going on. Look, dating (like everything we do) is a complex mix of biology, psychology, sociology and anthropology. Evolutionary psychology is great for explaining or looking at a certain set of data. But that is just data. For instance, studies show, "we" like symmetrical faces more than asymmetrical, "we" like long silky hair, "we" like women with 7:10 hip to waist ratio. If you ONLY go with that data, it can be surmised that perhaps we are looking for the healthiest mate, perhaps of good breeding age. But that doesn't take into factor ALL the other shit and baggage that make us human.

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For instance, women may biologically be attracted to men with more testosterone (hairier, bigger, wilder), but psychologically unattracted to them because they see them as "dumb jocks." (I am over generalizing and over simplifying things, but you get the idea.)

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So the idea of only one set of data driving our dating and mating drives is a little too simplistic. It's an AMAZING area of research that I love and devour, but it's just a part of a larger whole.

>Golgafrincham Ark Fleet Ship B

Look, I totally get your feeling and reference, that I'm a useless human in a useless job.

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But the assumption that everyone on the planet just......gets dating isn't rational.

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Years ago, I would only get late 40s men at the end of their rope, so to speak. Nowadays, I have lots of clients in their early 20s, just wanting to learn how to better themselves, which I think is awesome.

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After all, don't we all want and deserve love?

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“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”

I’m not sure how to word this but how did you learn dating advice?

So what's the right feeling to chase? Someone who makes you feel warm and safe or someone who blows your mind and sets fire to your loins?

I read this in the voice of the marketing analyst who was holding up the invention of the wheel because the committee couldn’t agree on what color it should be.

This is such a perfect comment. I can’t believe this person gets famous and wealthy for this. Literally every response is just canned platitudes, like the person who is obviously heartbroken asking what to do and this guy answers “go find a new hobby”. None of this is particularly valuable or insightful advice they just market themselves in a way that makes it seem like they have answers that the average person on the street doesn’t have but clearly it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Useless people like this are literally dragging our society down. Step one make enough social media accounts and spam yourself everywhere to promote yourself until you get enough followers, step two find some thing that people are insecure and vulnerable about and act like you have all the answers, step three exploit them and get rich. It’s fucking disgusting.

We need to have more people who contribute to society and less “influencers” who do nothing. This is just as bad as the people who make millions spending two hours a day yelling at YouTube or the so-called journalists who get paid to type up what people were saying on Reddit last night.

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What role do demographics play in dating? For example, I once lived in city that was statistically full of one gender. Moved to another country and city, and dating got a whole lot easier.