The best thing I've learned from a breakup is that you have to take care of yourself. First you have to let yourself cry whenever you need to, I've had nights in the months after my breakup where I would just shut down and cry before going out somewhere or going to work and letting those feelings run their course made a huge difference. Secondly, focus on taking care of yourself and in your case taking care of your son as well. Having that purpose will help keep your mind off of the breakup. And lastly, always try to seek the positive where ever you can. This is the hardest part but after a month or two it'll become a habit and having a positive mindset makes such a huge difference. I'm so sorry that you're going through this but just know that things will get better and you will be ok. You're stronger than you think.

My first big break up, I called my brother crying. He asked me how long I had been dating the guy. When I answered, he said “if you had a dog that long, you’d miss it too” I don’t know why but it helped me put some of my feelings into perspective.

It sounds like your schedule is a bear, but if you find yourself with some of that fun sad manic energy I would suggest going room to room one at a time and pulling everything out and putting it back in a way that’s just for you. That way it’s not these empty little spaces where he was it’s your space with your things that you love. Start with the fridge, forget his damn dipping sauces, into the trash.

Exercise and getting healthy food and sleep helps so much! Practicing gratitude and taking time to heal as well. You are worthy of love and you got this :)

I went through a divorce, of a nine year relationship. I gave her the divorce, because I didn’t want to add additional emotion to a situation that was clear, the clarity was that she did not want to be with me. She had an affair, and I wanted to continue working on it, but she claimed she didn’t have the energy to continue. Aside from feeling like I was dying, physically, and mentally, I did have some thoughts of suicide. I got mostly past it, but still some lingering pain.

Here are the things that got me by:

1. time will ultimately help heal, but it’s not the only thing that will heal the pain. You need to do the work required to learn from the situation. As you learn from the situation, you’ll actually pick up some useful tools, and you’ll have the realization of those tools, and how you can apply them to all relationships in life. Those tools are invaluable, and that will make you happy.

2. ask for help. One of the things that was helpful, was to have someone present and witnessing my pain, and witnessing me crying, and constantly telling me that “it will be OK, this will pass”. You can’t go through it alone, mainly because bitterness and resentfulness will creep in and rob you of your joy for longer than it needs to. Have a strong and positive circle of people. People who start degrading or trash talking your ex, although might feel good, will increase hate in your heart. It has the possibility of making you vengeful, which is allowing the situation to take your heart. You are too good to let that happen, even if the breakup feels like it’s your fault. Don’t let hate or vengefulness creep in.

3. self reflection is Paramont. However, self reflection isn’t so you can blame yourself endlessly. That is not the point. If you self reflect on what you did wrong in the relationship, because both parties have a role in the relationship, it will teach you what you can do right for future relationships. It can also teach you how to look for red flags, not red flags in the person, but red flags in a sense of questioning whether you should go into a relationship with a specific individual. Although I loved my ex wife so much, I started to realize many red flags of the relationship through self reflection. self reflection can also serve to learn how to communicate with various types of personality and human beings.

4. learn to take care of yourself. Being out in nature, going for walks, staring at the beach while the waves crash, a simple coffee on your deck…..if you take care of yourself in the simplest ways, simple pleasures start showing you how beautiful life is. You can go work out, but that will only bring in so much balance. Learn to sit in your pain and let the pain go through your body, and after it goes through, and after you cry, go do something simple that gives you simple joy. I found that when I did some thing that was too joyful, like bungee jumping or going on a vacation with the guys, it filled me up with a lot of joy, and a lot of instant happiness at the time, but when I got back to reality, it came crashing down pretty hard. Simple joys of life, help me stay a little more stable and balanced while I healed.

5. understand vulnerability is not weakness, it’s actually a strength. Sharing how deeply you are injured emotionally because of the break up helps other in pain open up too. We all feel like we have to demonstrate we have it together and that we are tough, but everyone carries life’s weight. Helping other through pain sharing helping will bring you a nice, unique and helpful way of seeing a purpose in all of this mess.

At least this is what helped me. I hope it helps you.

Read the first 30 pages of “letting go” and you’ll be good. 👌

Find gratitude in the small things you have, i just went through this with my babymama. Still not fully healed after 2 years but it definitely gets better once you accept. remind yourself how badass you are & don’t let the devil win! you got this 🤞🏼

Everyone so far has very good advice. It’s all about time. Time will keep going. It’s up to you to realize and accept that. You may always miss that person….or not. The one constant in anyone’s life is really only time. It does get easier….it changes. Always does. You’re a parent so you have a priority and obligation as a parent to make sure you keep going. You may have moments where you don’t ….it’s normal ..it will happen. But don’t make the mistake of staying in that moment. Remember your child …occupy your mind and time will do the rest. Think of it that way. Time can carry some of that emotional load if you let it.

Know you are better than having to rely on another person to make you whole.

Keep your head up, focus on your son and education to be better.

Keep thinking about the ways in which he failed. The things you never wanted to compromise on but were willing to because you were blinded by love. Write down a list of things you needed that he could never give you. Write all the things you never never want to go without. And the bad things he did that were so bad you really would rather be alone forever than have to go through them again. And read this to yourself every time you miss him. At first it’s only going to calm you maybe for a few seconds, but with time, the intervals get longer. Prioritize your baby, and think about how you or him or anyone else in the world doesn’t matter as long as your baby is doing well. And think about the bad things he or staying with someone like him would have taught your child. It’s okay to feel sad after making the right decision, and it sounds like you did. One day your baby will be very proud of you for your strength. ❤️ this pain is one of the worst in the world so give yourself permission to feel it.

I stole this from a show but it helps me every time I deal with any sort of seemingly unconquerable loss.

“Everyday it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day it won’t be.”

Acknowledge it’s happening and it sucks, but understand it will get better.

Here’s a practical tip that helped me immensely. Get a daily calendar or just a piece of paper. Write down your next day in 15-30 minute increments. Follow what you wrote down. The structure will help with the overwhelming feelings you have. I wish you the best, I’ve had some terrible breakups which always brought up childhood trauma. Things will get better.

When I go through hard times I use the saying “three months from now this will all be different”. Because it will be. And because that’s a manageable amount of time. Sometimes I try to imagine what will be different, other times just know that it will be when I get there. That helps me a lot. It’s a way of saying it’s completely fine to be sad and heartbroken right now, but also know there is an end point in sight and not feel overwhelmed by it. It’s also a way to focus on small goals to make sure things will be different in 3 months. And then 3 months from now, it’s important to take stock of where you are and recognize how things have changed in those 90 days.

Get some sunshine and fresh air if possible. Stay busy.

I know the pain all too well. Took me 5 years to get over a breakup and it was hell. Best thing that I found was to accept the fact that you’re in a shit spot and think of how you can elevate from there. It’s easier said than done, but it’s the voice in your head that likes to tell you, you can’t do things because your stressed or depressed. Which than turns into excuses for you not to better yourself. I have Kids as well and used them as my motivation. I saw what I went through and am happy to go through it as long as I know they won’t have to cuz I did the hard part for them paving the way for them to be greater than me. Chin up head high. Hit me up if you need a friend🤞🏾🙏🏾💪🏾💯

#StayStrong#Get2iT

Honestly time & self care. Also just remember that you were fine before this person and you WILL be fine after this person.

I totally understand the being "left behind" in the house feeling. In the beginning I was completely envious of my ex being able to just hit the full on reset button by starting in a new town, new space and with new stuff. I got over the house part eventually as I was in it before her but the biggest thing for me were the activities we would do together. Boating, going to races, our weekly restaurant visits and things like that. Those are still my favorite things in the world to do but for the first year or so I had no desire to do them because they were "our" things.

Now I make sure to spend time with friends and remember that times were and they can be again, they are again. Things will get better.

Time will help heal. this is said all the time but i think it’s true. find things you enjoy doing. i recently started playing chess (how silly) but it’s honestly so fun and it almost turns my mind off. good luck and best regards

Go no contact, start working on your body and do not fall into bad habits.

That’s all that went wrong with my breakup last year so hopefully I’d you don’t make my mistakes you’ll have a good year ahead

You’re very brave and facing this with a lot of dignity, although it sucks that you have to go through it at all. I’m sorry x

Time heals all wounds. Keep your mind busy so you don’t have time to think about it.

It's one of the most miserable things to go through, and there's really no way around grief-you just have to go through it. The truth of it is that this is your FREEDOM that's come for you, only you don't want it right now. But you will someday, and it will be amazing when that mental switch happens. I promise, one day you'll be back to being fabulous, single you. I recall going through a horrible break up and feeling sick and miserable for months. Now, looking back to nearly 30 years ago, I have some of the most soft and bittersweet memories of that time, of who I was, and of what I went through. Some day, you will as well. Be gentle with yourself, grieve well, and when you're able to, allow yourself to be distracted from the sadness.

When I went through various losses in the past, I wish I had known about the law of attraction, affirmations, things of that nature - I felt so lost and physically about the same as you are describing. This is some of how I've learned how to deal with things since then, I hope it helps!

1. I threw myself into my work and personal hobbies and interest so that I could distract myself. Okay, driving an Uber isn't super intellectually distracting, but maybe you can listen to a podcast, try and learn a new language, or listen to youtube videos / documentaries about something you love to learn about or something which can be beneficial to your future (hopefully you don't get a lot of people who are annoying and want to have a conversation lol).

2. Set aside some self care time where you allow yourself to feel things and just be sad, nothing else. Light a candle, lay down, stare at the ceiling, cry, then think about the reasons you're sad, process it, and change it to something positive (for example, "I'm sad that I have to sleep alone" - "that's okay, because now I am creating physical and mental space for someone that truly can care for me in the way I want to be cared for).

3. Create new routines that make sense for you and provide comfort through a different ritual, and make sure to reward yourself somehow for getting through the day

Hope you feel better soon, but time is the true answer. Best wishes in your studies and healing.

Faraaz Kazi "Some people are going to leave, but that's not the end of your story. That's the end of their part in your story.”

Keep your head up. It gets better. I promise.

The past is the past, concentrate on the present and the future. When you are in the feels, you are drawing from the past which will not help you right now.

The loneliness afterward is the toughest part. But it goes away i promise. Every day you wake up youre anoher day closer to being comfortable in your own company. Bond with yourself and find new hobbies with yourself. Youre dating you now, take care of yourself. Once you get past this you’ll be stronger than ever. This is an opportunity to find a better version of yourself and live on a new timeline of life. Its a pivot of change

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Just my personal experience and point of view: After my first break up I was suffering so much I thought I would die, 10 years later I see it as a blessing, I would be a very sad person if I still in that kind of relationship. I wish I could had suffered less by that time, so I wish the same for you. Believe it or not: what you are feeling now is just made by your thoughts, you will see things in a different way and you will look at your past self and whish you had suffered less. I guess knowledge and experience are the key. Study more and live more, I would say, the more you know, the more your perspective will change. I fell that suffering is created by our brain, that's why it's so difficult for me to understand how a person that lose house and family in Ukraine can still smile and have hope, and sometimes I feel so miserable just because of my professional frustration. Hope this helps. First time in a year I am typing here to share a comment. We all here are trying to help you and we care about you :)

I believe in you.

If you want actionable advice, focus any free time you have on keeping your kitchen clean and your house tidy.

Be kind to yourself. A break up can be very hard and that’s ok. You are allowed to be a mess, to be sad, to cry and whatever. You’re allowed to have stupid unreasonable thoughts. You are going through a very emotional rollercoaster right now and all your feelings are validated. Don’t feel you’re a fool having tried to change his mind, it’s all part of the process. But please keep in mind to be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to doubt things right now, but try to picture yourself as a very good friend. What would you tell your friend if she said she was stupid?

I can’t say I have been in your shoes, every breakup is different, but I’ve felt the same in some ways. I also broke up a relationship where my partner was checked out. She didn’t quite say it out loud but it was very obvious. I too called her and begged her to reconsider (even though I made the decision). I felt the anvil, nausea, the random crying in the bus. And I felt so stupid when I did. I was so hard on myself. I didn’t allow myself to break down, which only made the breakdown worse.

If I had a friend who went through a breakup like this I would never call their feelings stupid. I would tell them it’s ok, you’ll find someone else, you’re a good and kind person. I love you and you’ll meet someone else who does, or you’ll learn how to love yourself. Instead what I told myself was the most vile stuff ever: think ‘I’m not worthy of love’x10. That is the only thing you’re not allowed to do to yourself right now. Just be the kind friend you need and who you would be if this was happening to someone else. You can feel whatever you feel, but please be patient and kind with yourself.

Every breakup helps to define what you don’t want in a person and can act as a roadmap to what you DO want.

A breakup of this magnitude is akin to the grief of losing a spouse. That’s not a hot take to share with friends but it is one to share with yourself in terms of the level of empathy and grace you give yourself. This shit is hard and that’s ok. There would be something wrong with you if it wasn’t hard.

As for what you can do, build the future. That’s the way through this. Space for grief and then space for healing. This just happened. You’re not ready to build anything new yet. You’ll know when you are.

Focus right now should be getting through it and self care for you and parenting for your son. Do not skip self care right now. You need it more than ever and so does your child. You got this. ❤️

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Went through a breakup just weeks before having to start dedicated period for step. Also was a 4 year long relationship. He dumped me. I was devastated. We moved across country when I started medschool, so I was super alone. I was financially absolutely dependent on him, as well. Best things I've done: reached out to my classmates, all of them, publicly via our group chat, with all of the vulnerability. Even though we are not close, I received an overwhelming amount of support from them. They hot me through the first month or so. Try it if you can. Another thing was this: every time a heart aching thought would come, I'd do this exercise ive learned in therapy where I would ask myself: 1. Is this thought true? 2. Is this thought kind? 3. Is this thought helpful?. None of the thoughts were. It really helped. Also, therapy. You know you can get through this. It just really sucks in the moment. Do what you need to do to get through this, be kind to yourself. This might not look pretty at the moment, but you'll get through this. Be kind to yourself. Reach out for help and support. Hang in there, you're not alone.

Don't let the bad thoughts go round and round in your head endlessly. Audiobooks. Podcasts. Games ... anything that allows you to do what you do but engages your mind. Try and get really lost in your work maybe? Start asking your Uber clients for stories and compile them?

It's a cliche but time will fix you before long. A year from now you'll look back and this and think "wow thank god that happened"

Coping strategy from my old blog

Though we regard ourselves as striding forward into the future with the past behind us, the ancient Greeks thought of us as walking backwards into the future, with only the past visible as we leave it behind. As a variation on that I have a mental exercise that I try on drunken depressed friends I call Retrospective Fatalism.

In Retrospective Fatalism everything you did wrong in the past was always going to happen that way. Fate. Or God. Circumstance or human behavior, whatever, there never was any way to escape that fate. It was always going to happen.

Your future - now that's different. "Nothing is written" said Peter O’Toole in Lawrence of Arabia, and that has to be true. Mistakes you make in the future are completely your responsibility, particularly if they are repeats of stupid behavior you made in the past. But as they become the past... they were inevitable.

My husband went through a very nasty break up when his first wife left him and started a relationship almost immediately after. She moved in the new boyfriend and shortly after this started having the kids call him dad. It was horrible for him. He eventually decided that he needed to move on. He started doing things he couldn’t do in the marriage, like watching tv, listen to the music he likes, eat foods he didn’t get to eat, buy the shirts he liked, etc. you may not have had a controlling partner like this but I’m sure there is some freedoms you can enjoy that are being rewarded to you. You have a child free night I’m assuming. Get together with your girlfriend. Go out dancing. Put on a dress that makes you feel sexy. Pick up a hobby. Start going to the gym. Join a running group. You can’t get over the pain you can only get through it.

My husband made some of his deepest friendships post divorce and reconnected with old friends. Looking at him now va pictures then you can see how much lighter and happier he is.

He’s now obviously remarried and we share a child but he says even though it was the worst pain emotionally, mentally, and financially and biggest failure for him, he’s glad it happened. He got to reclaim his life. Anyone who isn’t invested in the gift that is YOU is not someone worth having around.