Be kind to yourself. A break up can be very hard and that’s ok. You are allowed to be a mess, to be sad, to cry and whatever. You’re allowed to have stupid unreasonable thoughts. You are going through a very emotional rollercoaster right now and all your feelings are validated. Don’t feel you’re a fool having tried to change his mind, it’s all part of the process. But please keep in mind to be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to doubt things right now, but try to picture yourself as a very good friend. What would you tell your friend if she said she was stupid?

I can’t say I have been in your shoes, every breakup is different, but I’ve felt the same in some ways. I also broke up a relationship where my partner was checked out. She didn’t quite say it out loud but it was very obvious. I too called her and begged her to reconsider (even though I made the decision). I felt the anvil, nausea, the random crying in the bus. And I felt so stupid when I did. I was so hard on myself. I didn’t allow myself to break down, which only made the breakdown worse.

If I had a friend who went through a breakup like this I would never call their feelings stupid. I would tell them it’s ok, you’ll find someone else, you’re a good and kind person. I love you and you’ll meet someone else who does, or you’ll learn how to love yourself. Instead what I told myself was the most vile stuff ever: think ‘I’m not worthy of love’x10. That is the only thing you’re not allowed to do to yourself right now. Just be the kind friend you need and who you would be if this was happening to someone else. You can feel whatever you feel, but please be patient and kind with yourself.