What you described is screaming that you should read "The Now Habit" by clinical psychologist Neil Fiore. I mention his credentials because the book is based on his clinical practice instead of being your usual self-help guru book. Pretty concrete practical stuff. He talks about various negative motivational styles and how they can be retrained to more proactive styles, and how you can embrace gradual improvements rejecting extreme goalsetting. Pretty big focus on CBT based therapy, which is a pretty universally accepted therapeutic method.