[Discussion] How to stop moping after a major failure?

Submitted by Forceuser0017 t3_10zviwi in GetMotivated

There's no doubt that this question's been asked many times before on this thread but I wanted some encouragement/advise. I recently got rejected from all of the medical schools I applied to without even a single interview. Honestly, I knew it was kind of a long shot from the beginning due to a late application (September), lack of shadowing hours, and sending my app to schools that either heavily favors in-state students or a just too popular. But I caved in to parental pressure and decided to give it a try anyway. The result is predictable.

So now that I've failed my applications, I'm at loss on how to proceed forward. Besides feeling miserable for the past few weeks, I've also been lectured on how I need to decide on my future goals, of which I have little idea. I can either reapply or try to find another path. But I feel incredibly burnt out. How do I get myself motivated again and seriously evaluate what I want?

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kyocerahydro t1_j85fbfu wrote

as a doctor... your future self will thank you. being a physician has been my greatest regret. from the outside its a glorified existence but doing it is soul crushing. burnout is real, suicide ideation is real. don't do it. there are easier and less damaging ways to achieve your goals whether thats social prestige, wealth or working in medicine.

as a motivator your goals will change over time. you should figure out what without the title. for instance if a job lets say ceo makes 10 million dollars a year. would you take the stress and crazy work hours if that role made 40k? if the answer is no then you really don't want to be a ceo you want money. so then the question is how do you make that money. through a lot of trial and error kf those questions you'll find what you really want.

it might take time and experience. i thought i wanted to be a doctor until i became one. dont feel bad exploring

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[deleted] t1_j86r8uo wrote

Agreed. One of my classmates applied 9 times before being admitted to our (vet school) program and has major regrets, as do I. But I’m glad I didn’t spend 9 years chasing it. All the medical fields are soul crushers, rife with abuse and never ending debt.

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Commercial-Run987 t1_j8882cp wrote

this makes me so sad. :( i sort of feel the same way. i haven’t graduated, i’m 5 months away from doing so but it’s all true. i still do want to become a doctor officially, but there’s a lot in exchange of achieving that. already went through so much and will still be going through a lot more after graduation. :(

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Smooth-Mulberry4715 t1_j85d627 wrote

Did you really want to go to medical school or was it programmed into you by your parents or counselors?

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Forceuser0017 OP t1_j85vgmp wrote

Honestly, not really. I definitely dodged a bullet there. But it’s still ingrained into my self-worth and the fact that I got rejected means that I’ve essentially wasted my time and I’m at square one again, hence the moping.

However, I’m still interested in exploring healthcare because I like seeing how neuroscience (my major) can be used in benefitting people. I’m also drawn towards the idea of interacting with different people on a daily basis and the dynamic work environment healthcare may bring. But I’m still cautious in pursuing a career in it because I’ve heard of the negatives as well (insurance bs, burnout, stress, etc) so I do want space to explore it first.

As for my parents, I’m incredibly grateful in the help they gave for applications and getting me my current job and living at home, etc. But it also highlights to me how I never had the courage/motivated to really step up and make my own choices. I’m also incredibly bad at really articulating what I want to my parents. Every time we have this discussion I mumble and stammer. It doesn’t help that my dad is an really intense and impatient individual and my mom just frets and frets. And when I do say something, their counter arguments are too good and I start getting persuaded.

Yeah…… I probably really need to go and just live my life first.

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ChildrenotheWatchers t1_j878808 wrote

I am happy to hear that you like neuroscience and want to help people. I experienced a TBI at work 32 years ago, and until recently, I had no idea that there were rehabilitation therapies for the cognitive problems that I have had for so long (executive function and memory deficits).

When I was injured, I was young and naive, and my employer just tried to cover their butt. I didn't know what to do, so I just lived with my injury.

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AcceptableAccount794 t1_j866uxo wrote

I just commented on MPH, but now knowing your major, there is a great connection to public health, especially with looming public health problems that we don't know much about, such as healthy aging, alzheimers, etc. There's a lot of research about how the brain works that can be applied to cooperative agreements on best practices that go out to states.

Check out the Community Guide, just one of many starting points.

https://www.thecommunityguide.org/

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Smooth-Mulberry4715 t1_j87n6v4 wrote

I think getting out on your own is a great idea. And if you’re not really interested in medicine, but love your major - have you ever thought about a tech route? A lot of AI work requires neuroscience… The teams are quite diverse, the work is cutting edge, and AI will benefit so many people (especially in medicine) - not to mention the neuro guy is always the brainy guy in the room so he gets lots of respect and the pay in tech is phenomenal.

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honeydill2o4 t1_j85f888 wrote

It’s sounds like you need some distance from your parents. I would recommend moving away if you still live at home and seriously reducing contact to focus on your own growth. Regardless if moving is possible, you need to find a way to build a boundary. Their expectations are their problem. You’re task is it find ways to be present and be happy, and also to build towards a better future.

I recommend the book The Courage to Be Happy. I’ve read it 4 or 5 times now.

If you want to be a doctor, then go become a doctor. If you really want to be a doctor, you’ll get there. Submitting late applications proves to everyone involved that you’re not ready to start medical school. They did you a favour by rejecting you. It would have been worse to invest the time and money into a future that you don’t want or are not ready for.

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[deleted] t1_j85jbsj wrote

You DID NOT fail here. You're LEARNING. Which is a SUCCESS.

Clearly a lesson here is that you don't have a great interest in being a medical professional. That's GOOD because you're learning what your career interests really are.

>I can either reapply or try to find another path. But I feel incredibly burnt out.

That's normal. Its okay to feel frustrated sometimes while working toward bettering yourself.

>How do I get myself motivated again and seriously evaluate what I want?

Suggestion- you will likely be more motivated to achieve a career path if it's something that you feel will make you happy to pursue.

There's a career resource called O*Net. You answer some questions and it allows the resource to create a basic psychology profile of you and then suggests career paths that people who fit your profile report having a high level of happiness pursuing.

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AcceptableAccount794 t1_j866can wrote

Get a Masters in Public Health. The doctor treats the individual, which is great. But working in public health, you can have a much more tremendous impact on health at a population level. There's so many different topics in public health, that you can have an entire career and a half just working in different areas. There's a ton of career paths within the field -- research, practice, academia, state and local, federal, consulting, global, etc, just to name a few.

If you pair it with an MBA or MPP or MPA, you can get into healthcare management, too

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Ortus14 t1_j85mi1v wrote

Your "laziness" is your minds way of telling you that you shouldn't rush into something else and wind up wasting even more of your life. You knew this, but got pressured by your parents to make the wrong decision and waste your time.

Our emotions exist for a reason. Shut out distractions. Give your mind time. And you will find your new best path forward.

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Own_Comment t1_j86cg6a wrote

Make yourself laugh. Physically laugh. Even if it’s not funny. Laugh.

Get some exercise.

And give it time. You’ll get over it. ‘Moping’ is just activity driven by chemicals jn the brain… your brain should eventually get back to equilibrium. This is the essence of ‘this too shall pass’ … both your highest moments, and your lowest, can only last so long.

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-PinkPower- t1_j86sbip wrote

Honestly a good cry where you let out everything followed by some screaming usually help getting over the mopping for me. Then I can focus on what is next and what I should do

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hhidirudh68gh t1_j85ze1o wrote

I think you have to realize not getting into medical school doesn’t mean you failed. There are plenty of great applicants who did everything they were supposed to. It’s getting more competitive every year. There is a roll of the dice involved. You applied late and didn’t have shadowing hours. Would you expect to beat a professional tennis player without putting in all the work? And even at that, you won’t necessarily win every match. Taking the MCAT and getting a reasonable score is the real success lol

Sounds like don’t care about not getting into school, you care more about not having a path in life. You’ve got interests and are clearly smart. That’s the accomplishment from thousands of little successes. Give it time and you’ll find a career path

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thesmartass1 t1_j86woak wrote

Lots of good advice here already.

The truth is, life just knocked you down. It happens. It sucks.

But... That doesn't give you an excuse to stay down and quit. Stand up. Stand tall. Get back in the fight.

So you didn't get into med school -- that doesn't mean you don't know anything. You can do anything with that kind of knowledge and drive. Biologist, chemist, lab technician, food scientist, sports nutrition, teacher, forensics, environmental reclamation. I could go on.

Make a list. Make a plan. Make a backup plan. Get mad. Get pumped up. Get going.

You believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. You can believe in yourself for 10 seconds.

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bvogel7475 t1_j8a4rx2 wrote

My son in law got rejected by every medical school after he got his bachelors degree. He then got into a masters program at Boston University. Their program is supposed to help you get into medical school. He got into Drexel (Philadelphia) and is now in his first year of residency to become an ER physician. Don’t give up if this is what you really want.

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tiredfromthemeds t1_j8cfqq6 wrote

You should find something you enjoy or will feel accomplished doing. Money or status or anything like that isn't worth doing, I think that mostly because it won't make you happy, at least for me it wouldn't. I think being happy with something is more important than anything cuz you're going to do that for the rest of your life

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