Sounds like you’re in survival mode and trying to figure things out “on your own” for the most part. Reaching out here is a good start towards asking for and receiving more help. I always recommend seeing a professional therapist, but the important thing is to at least talk with someone outside of your immediate circle. Even if it’s a shitty life coach or just someone you know and respect, keep asking for help.

Mostly, though, I came here to suggest that you ask better questions. You can’t get good answers with poorly thought out questions. When I read your question asking if you’re living life “wrong”, it seems like you’re judging yourself from some version of what “success” looks like that has been defined . Not only does that not serve you in making decisions or measuring progress, but it also creates an abstract and unobtainable goal that you can never achieve and causes underlying anxiety.