I feel like in some environments it feels necessary to masquerade a little bit. Like in the workplace when you’re trying to build your income you want to be perceived as valuable as possible.

But I feel like overall masquerading is harmful because we could get so caught up in seeking validation from others we don't focus on satisfying ourselves.

From one POV, as we mature, we lose that “need” to be validated for how we “appear” to others and gain the need to be validated for “who we REALLY are” and be respected for the wisdom gained through adversity and life experiences. I know for me I was greatly motivated in my 20’s-mid30’s by appearing as if I have my shit together. Life stuff burst that bubble of facade. I now don’t give two licks of lollipop what you may think of me. It’s as if I’ve swung from one extreme yo the other on the spectrum of people pleasing. Perhaps, being burned one too many times makes me stay out of the playground of bullshit. Hoping I will swing into a pleasant middle ground so I can appear to have my shit together even when I don’t feel it.

That’s really well said!

You not giving two licks of a lolipop reminded me of a quote that goes something like this:

"When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks. When you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place."

It’s interesting to think of it like a pendulum. I wonder if it’s better to be in the middle or the extreme end of not caring

Thanks for sharing this 🙌

We have no clue who we are when we’re younger. I didn’t feel like I had a sense of self until I was 30. Once you’re older and know who you are, there’s little f’s to give about what others think.

That’s a good point—the absence of self could definitely lead us to fill the void with characteristics we admire regardless of if they exist or not

Thanks for sharing that 🙌

Masquerading is throughout all ages. It's worse with adults than with kids.

Kids are pretty cruel at least from what I hear. Either fit in or get left behind.

All for kids

This. Internal vs. external validation.

External validation means that you are getting your feelings of self-worth based on sources outside of yourself.  Internal validation means that you are gaining your sense of self-worth based on what your own opinions about yourself are.

Its more prevalent in younger people, but doesn't necessarily fade with age. Celebrities are a good example, bc their livelihood will always depend in part on external validation.

Awesome! Thanks for the reply. I didn’t see it until now! I feel like being the middle ground, at least for myself, is a better place to hang out. So I look forward to getting back into that down the road once I go through whatever internal transformation taking place right now! This past year or so, I’ve worried about myself as if I’ve completely lost my mind and gone madder than the Mad Hatter in Alice and Wonderland! Haha, lol. Maybe not that mad! But, it’s because I am now needing internal validation, as another commenter pointed out the difference between external and internal. I need to feel good about myself! Not just based on how I feel because you think I’m awesome. I want to feel awesome because I am awesome! Haha. Hopefully that makes sense. This is a great conversation.

Love this and thank you for descriptions. I would never have thought I would be getting a much needed lesson on the internal shifting of my inner-world here on Reddit. :D