Why do we masquerade so much in our youth? [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_10gdgev in GetMotivated

A big difference I notice between elders and young people is that young people have a strong desire to appear "better" than they are.

We’ll embellish truths or inflate ourselves when we’re young to try to be viewed more positively by others.

I rarely see the elderly go to that extent for validation from others, but I saw it everywhere in school and see it among younger co-workers.

Jane Harrison spoke about this well

>Masquerading is borrowing another’s personality, putting on the mask of another’s features, dress, experiences, emotions, and thereby enhancing your own… Youth, and especially shy Youth, is strongly possessed by the instinctive desire to masquerade.

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>Masquerading bores Crabbed Age. Why?

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>Simply because the impulse to imaginative self-enhancement dies down as soon as liberty to live is granted… Crabbed Age is busy living, not rehearsing, and living, if sometimes less amusing, is infinitely more absorbing. It takes so much out of you.

To me, it sounds like at the end of life, society's games don't matter to us anymore—we don’t need to impress people or win anyone over.

At that point maybe we’ve seen enough to understand what really matters.

I’m curious to hear reasons that other people come up with

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This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone

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Mokie81 t1_j526qqr wrote

From one POV, as we mature, we lose that “need” to be validated for how we “appear” to others and gain the need to be validated for “who we REALLY are” and be respected for the wisdom gained through adversity and life experiences. I know for me I was greatly motivated in my 20’s-mid30’s by appearing as if I have my shit together. Life stuff burst that bubble of facade. I now don’t give two licks of lollipop what you may think of me. It’s as if I’ve swung from one extreme yo the other on the spectrum of people pleasing. Perhaps, being burned one too many times makes me stay out of the playground of bullshit. Hoping I will swing into a pleasant middle ground so I can appear to have my shit together even when I don’t feel it.

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TreatThompson OP t1_j527vx7 wrote

That’s really well said!

You not giving two licks of a lolipop reminded me of a quote that goes something like this:

"When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks. When you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place."

It’s interesting to think of it like a pendulum. I wonder if it’s better to be in the middle or the extreme end of not caring

Thanks for sharing this 🙌

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Mokie81 t1_j575va3 wrote

Awesome! Thanks for the reply. I didn’t see it until now! I feel like being the middle ground, at least for myself, is a better place to hang out. So I look forward to getting back into that down the road once I go through whatever internal transformation taking place right now! This past year or so, I’ve worried about myself as if I’ve completely lost my mind and gone madder than the Mad Hatter in Alice and Wonderland! Haha, lol. Maybe not that mad! But, it’s because I am now needing internal validation, as another commenter pointed out the difference between external and internal. I need to feel good about myself! Not just based on how I feel because you think I’m awesome. I want to feel awesome because I am awesome! Haha. Hopefully that makes sense. This is a great conversation.

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lillysawyer t1_j54t2l5 wrote

This. Internal vs. external validation.

External validation means that you are getting your feelings of self-worth based on sources outside of yourself.  Internal validation means that you are gaining your sense of self-worth based on what your own opinions about yourself are.

Its more prevalent in younger people, but doesn't necessarily fade with age. Celebrities are a good example, bc their livelihood will always depend in part on external validation.

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Mokie81 t1_j577hbx wrote

Love this and thank you for descriptions. I would never have thought I would be getting a much needed lesson on the internal shifting of my inner-world here on Reddit. :D

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kxhshxujwbajjajxbhsh t1_j52pmhk wrote

We have no clue who we are when we’re younger. I didn’t feel like I had a sense of self until I was 30. Once you’re older and know who you are, there’s little f’s to give about what others think.

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TreatThompson OP t1_j52qs3c wrote

That’s a good point—the absence of self could definitely lead us to fill the void with characteristics we admire regardless of if they exist or not

Thanks for sharing that 🙌

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TreatThompson OP t1_j5227mf wrote

I feel like in some environments it feels necessary to masquerade a little bit. Like in the workplace when you’re trying to build your income you want to be perceived as valuable as possible.

But I feel like overall masquerading is harmful because we could get so caught up in seeking validation from others we don't focus on satisfying ourselves.

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[deleted] t1_j539ddx wrote

Masquerading is throughout all ages. It's worse with adults than with kids.

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thatonebluedragon t1_j53l3le wrote

Kids are pretty cruel at least from what I hear. Either fit in or get left behind.

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