Mokie81 t1_j526qqr wrote on January 19, 2023 at 9:41 PM

From one POV, as we mature, we lose that “need” to be validated for how we “appear” to others and gain the need to be validated for “who we REALLY are” and be respected for the wisdom gained through adversity and life experiences. I know for me I was greatly motivated in my 20’s-mid30’s by appearing as if I have my shit together. Life stuff burst that bubble of facade. I now don’t give two licks of lollipop what you may think of me. It’s as if I’ve swung from one extreme yo the other on the spectrum of people pleasing. Perhaps, being burned one too many times makes me stay out of the playground of bullshit. Hoping I will swing into a pleasant middle ground so I can appear to have my shit together even when I don’t feel it.

TreatThompson OP t1_j527vx7 wrote on January 19, 2023 at 9:48 PM

That’s really well said!

You not giving two licks of a lolipop reminded me of a quote that goes something like this:

"When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks. When you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place."

It’s interesting to think of it like a pendulum. I wonder if it’s better to be in the middle or the extreme end of not caring

Thanks for sharing this 🙌

Mokie81 t1_j575va3 wrote on January 20, 2023 at 9:38 PM

Awesome! Thanks for the reply. I didn’t see it until now! I feel like being the middle ground, at least for myself, is a better place to hang out. So I look forward to getting back into that down the road once I go through whatever internal transformation taking place right now! This past year or so, I’ve worried about myself as if I’ve completely lost my mind and gone madder than the Mad Hatter in Alice and Wonderland! Haha, lol. Maybe not that mad! But, it’s because I am now needing internal validation, as another commenter pointed out the difference between external and internal. I need to feel good about myself! Not just based on how I feel because you think I’m awesome. I want to feel awesome because I am awesome! Haha. Hopefully that makes sense. This is a great conversation.

lillysawyer t1_j54t2l5 wrote on January 20, 2023 at 12:02 PM

This. Internal vs. external validation.

External validation means that you are getting your feelings of self-worth based on sources outside of yourself. Internal validation means that you are gaining your sense of self-worth based on what your own opinions about yourself are.

Its more prevalent in younger people, but doesn't necessarily fade with age. Celebrities are a good example, bc their livelihood will always depend in part on external validation.

Mokie81 t1_j577hbx wrote on January 20, 2023 at 9:49 PM

Love this and thank you for descriptions. I would never have thought I would be getting a much needed lesson on the internal shifting of my inner-world here on Reddit. :D