[story] 6 months ago vs now

Submitted by ArturitoNetito t3_10npq2m in GetMotivated

I've been here in Netherlands for a year and the first 6 months I felt lonely. I had nobody, I was here alone. My friends, family are in my home country. I wanted to meet someone but always afraid their judgment about me. I felt anxious, paranoid, depressed. I installed date apps hoping that would achieve something. Got two dates and got ghosted. I went to pubs, thinking that would be another way to meet people but I was just sitting there drinking my beer and trying to talk but, again, afraid to be judged.

I was not having a great time living here and feeling lonely was worse. Until it hit me: so what? Should I stop living my life because I don't have someone to be or talk with? Fuck no!

I started to focus on myself, started to focus on my job, started focus on my fitness. I stopped trying to find someone to meet and talk.

After thinking like that, I got a feedback from the company I'm working with and they said that they wanted to hire me. I was in an agency and being in it there was no chance for them to hire me. So I started to look a room to rent. After two, three months, I found a studio where I'm currently living in. After this little adventure, I realized that I'm here all by myself. Alone.

I did all this in this last 6 months and I had nobody. I accepted it and I can say I'm happy with that 😁 I started being me with people without worrying about their judgement. If I have someone, I will consider it as a bonus in my life but is not my goal while living. I don't know where I can go. But I know I can go a lot more than I am right now. And can be reached if I work hard. Me. Alone.

By the way I'm an orphan, I was drug addicted 5 years ago, my teenage life was depression and anxiety and it's a blackout in my life. If I did all this after what I've been through, so can you 😁

TL;DR - I got depression, anxiety and paranoid during my life. 6 months ago I worked to be independent and I did. If I can do it, you can do it as well!

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throwaway-102011 t1_j6aiz7d wrote

even though you don’t know me, I’m proud of you. Keep going 🙏🏽

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boobear232323 t1_j6aj456 wrote

Wow thats all the radness. I wish I could find the drive to care about myself anymore. I started thinking hey.. google the Netherlands, maybe its there for me too. Then reality told me... oooof. Maybe the Netherlands is neitherlands... because wherever you go, there you are.

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weekend_here_yet t1_j6ar6f8 wrote

This is an inspiring post, and I can totally relate to those feelings of loneliness after moving to a different country, away from family and friends. I moved from the US to Europe around 2.5 years ago and it’s definitely challenging to try and build new friendships from scratch. The cultures are different, language barriers are an obstacle to be overcome, and if you’re not in school or if you work remotely (in my case) - it’s just harder to meet and land into conversations to a point where a friendship can start to build.

Luckily, I have my husband who is originally from here, so he’s been a huge help when it comes to learning cultural norms, or navigating the bureaucracy of local government. Still, it’s hard not having friends. I recently found a local expat group though, and they are planning meet-ups to attend language classes. I’m excited to see where that leads, and I’m looking forward to possibly forming some new friendships there.

You’re doing great, OP! Keep at it.

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picomtg t1_j6arkkp wrote

Been doing this for 12ish years has not yet worked. Been in: San Diego, Lyon, Barcelona, Valencia. I plan for Amsterdam next. I feel so depressed. I want to-. Any ways, I’m glad it worked for you. Hope more people cross the finish line on this particular obstacle.

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Giiovannii_LS t1_j6ax9vj wrote

GOD! I admire you. You have no idea of the fire you lit in me. I can! I can! I can! I'll prove it.

Thank you very much.

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queen_jk t1_j6bkjmy wrote

Hey dude, this is amazing to hear :) so happy for you!

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startwithaidea t1_j6btftt wrote

❤️🤗 thank you for this, it is timely. I’ve been crying a bunch more of late due to a similar feeling of late.

Yeah thank you ❤️

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OstrichBagel t1_j6c3ier wrote

So happy for you! Really working on this right now for myself

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ReuseablePotato t1_j6ci1z1 wrote

I had a very similair experience when I moved to NL.

Tried to force social interactions at bars, clubs etc to no avail.

The best thing I ever did was join a bouldering gym.

very friendly and approachable atmosphere, typically they have a bar and sometimes bbq events in summer. Good fun and exercise too!

A real life hack for building a social network from scratch in my experience (and others).

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Witchdrdre t1_j6dfk94 wrote

That’s a beautiful story. I’m glad you are finding peace 🤙

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infernalnights t1_j6dm4ps wrote

Wish you the best! Your story gave me some hope too.

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DirtyFloorHotDogs t1_j6dysp9 wrote

Saving this. Thank you for sharing. I’ve gone through this too only I didn’t preserve like you did. After reading this, I’m going to try again. Thank you ❤️

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