This. My brother always wants me to hang out with him, but every time, no matter where we are at, he is constantly insulting me in front of strangers.

I tried to bring it up to him but he always tells me “get over it p*#!* it’s just a joke.”

Once he started insulting me and my therapy sessions I had to block him.

That is easier said than done.

Ok you are absolutely correct.

Disagree. If we have issues, we’re the ones who are supposed to work on them, not shut down the entire world and make people act differently.

And how are we supposed to heal if someone keeps picking at the scab. The advice is to distance yourself not shutting down the world or demanding people act differently.

But shes my mom……. I’d be a dick if I just abandoned her

No. You are responsible for your own triggers. If you can't deal with it, walk away. Other people are not to blame for your issues.

It never is a dull day opening the comments and seeing some people completely miss the point.

My sister is like this too. She doesn't beg me to hang out but I'm the first person she'll reach out to when she needs something. And then insult me and cut me down in front of friends and family the first chance she gets.

I'm about to move 5 hours away and regret nothing about it.

For some reason... That random, redundant "watermark" triggers the heck out of me.

So all wounds are just "issues" that we gotta suck it up and deal with? and if those closest to us don't show support/empathy/encouragement etc then I should just say "oh well" and keep spending energy on these people? hard disagree on that one

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There’s another post on this exact sub discrediting this as an idea. If someone’s acting inappropriately, that’s that. Their relationship with you is absolutely no excuse for them to act that way, and being related to someone does not mean we’re obliged to take abuse from them.

Not sure of your living situation but once a person gets some regular distance from their family, it’s easier to view them for who they are as people (for better or worse!).

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Or you could just give back what he was dishing? Confront him on the real reason he does it directly instead of asking your therapist to make a best guess. Recently both my parents suffered a medical setback, and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can but they live in another state. My sibling, who rarely talks to them, started texting and occasionally dishes on me for not being there more. Instead of letting it sit, I called her directly to advise her my job and family don’t allow me to be there 24/7 and asked why she, someone who is unemployed with no kids in the house, hasn’t been there once since this issue started. That shut her up fast and she hasn’t brought it up once.

Facing adversity is not only part of adulting, it’s how you strengthen personal resolve. Hiding from it, while the easier immediate solution, only sets you up for failure when things you can’t hide from come into your life.

Very true. I can't tell you how nice it is to not have someone in your life who sets you on edge.

I had to live with a narcissistic sister most of my life, and when she finally moved out it was freeing. I can finally do things without worrying about her listening in on conversations, I can finally sleep at night without hearing her stupid shows blasting through the walls (no headphones at 11pm, sometimes 1am), I can finally have voice calls, I can finally sit at my computer and not hear her screaming at her finace/now husband about how she's mad at him but not for what.

It's so nice to just not be around toxic people and you don't realize that until you get away from them.

Avoid bad thing!

Post me on getmotivated rn

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Being willing to adjust our behavior or atleast acknowledge how our words or actions have an impact on those around us shows how self-aware and caring we can be. In a romantic relationship, the willingness to see how we are impacted and impact our partners along with the desire to build connection rather than preserve ourselves is the foundation of strong and deep relationship.

Found the guy who disrespects boundaries

I needed to hear this today! Thank you for posting.

Underline an important word with a watermark and guarantee I dont read it.

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Distance yourself from people who are constantly triggered. It’s a never ending vortex of victim-hood.

"Walk away" is the distance the image is referring to.

Especially if they're family. You aren't chained to abusers just because they share your DNA.

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So he gave other people a chance to modify their behavior.

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I feel like this guy looks at himself in the mirror when he jerks off, and doesn't even believe half the stuff he tweets. He just does it for the use engagement.

So r/nofamily it is

Aka “never be around anyone who challenges or brings you out if your bubble”

They aren’t. You are.

I think there’s a very big difference, there’s asking the world to bend to you to protect you and that’s one thing. asking someone that repeatedly disrespects your boundaries and dismisses you entirely when you repeat these boundaries is another and they’re called assholes.

Distance yourself from people that use the word trigger in a sentence not involving paint sprayers or guns.

This is my mother. Doesn't matter what it is. She likes to infect others with her toxicity.

We teach people how to treat us

long winded way to say "get rid of your toxic friends"

Cut my brother out of my life 2 years ago. I haven’t had a suicidal thought since.

Isn't this the majority of our parents?

I don't think most people have read this post more than once, so I'm not sure what the plural is supposed to mean, but if someone is hurting you, it's good to express your feelings, as they may not be aware how much they're hurting you. People have done so to me at least a couple times in my life, and I'm very glad they did. It can also be hard to walk away, as it can break an important relationship which you may hold hope can still be salvaged. Someyimes it takes a third party saying "this isn't working out for you" to give you the confidence to do what's best for yourself.

I don't see how this could be bad advice. Is it the word "trigger" you don't like? I know it has the unfortunate connotation of people who make their feelings others' problems.

Distancing from one person who is toxic is not the same as shutting the entire world down or asking people to act differently. In fact choosing to distance from someone is respecting the fact the people have the right to remain the same and that you have the right to leave.

Father has been "that Guy" for 61 years.Have not spoken to him in last 4.

How do I distance myself from myself??? 🤔

Or he could not engage in shit behavior just because someone else is? Why should he HAVE to bother doing something he actively detests just to posture? It’s perfectly fine to not want to deal with any of that, and he’s not responsible for it happening towards him either.

I moved 5 hours away from my family for similar reasons, and my life so much better then I could have ever imagined. Good luck on your new adventures! Hopefully you find some new tasty places to eat!

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Fuck yeah

No, just punch them. Life is short.

What if it's your wife?

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If you use the word "trigger" seriously in conversation then I'll distance myself very very very far away from you.

YOU are responsible for your own triggers. NEVER Expect people to tip-toe around you. Especially people who don’t know you.

Same, we watermarking tweets now?

It doesn't even make sense because I'd just type out the tweet instead of cropping out the picture.

I just wanna nitpick about the "watermark" tbh. Advice is fine, I guess.

Depends on the scab I guess.

This would fit in with r/estrangedadultchild

Distance yourself from people that can’t tolerate completely normal behavior and expect you to adjust to their issues.

I call them tossers

Can be the case. Some people no matter what just expect that they can treat others shittily. You can’t teach those people anything. That’s where the quote above comes in.

This is weak and not motivating

Meditate

Or just don’t even request for different behavior and distance yourself anyway.

It's also a great idea to get people out of your life who are constantly whining that they are offended by everything.

The spectrum is pretty wide.

What about the words “constantly” and “dismiss your requests (plural, as in you’ve made this request to them before) for different behaviour” makes you think this is about people who don’t know you?

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I try to distance myself from people who have triggers. I don't want to tiptoes through life never knowing if me telling someone about my wife redecorating the kitchen is going to trigger a PTSD response because some guys uncle touched him in the kitchen 30 years ago.

Seriously. If you say you're offended and it doesn't change, then maybe just stop talking to me.

This point. I choose not to engage and fire back. I’m too old for that. I’d just rather stay away.

It isn’t running away, it is choosing not to surround myself with individuals who only try to put you down to make themselves feel better.

I’m going through such a hard time right now and it seems that no one around me cares. There’s zero room for mistakes in my family. They only want me around to see my baby.

I tried to bring it up to him but he always tells me "get over it p#!* it's just a joke!*

Sometimes confronting bullies doesn’t work. They simply won’t acknowledge their behavior is wrong. It’s often the best decision to refuse to engage.

Face your demons head on and with vigor! Kick ass and know that you will triumph thru the dark & emerge into the light of a strong new day victorious!

Same :(

I had not seen the watermark. So we are bookmarking tweets now 😂

wish it was easier to do honestly.

my gf is this most of the time.

Boundaries aren't about telling someone what actions they're doing that upset you and requesting they stop, it's trying them what you're going to do if they don't.

Take the power away from them. Toxic people don't care if they're toxic as long as you stick around to be their target. They won't stop or change. What you need to do is explain to them that you'll have to end your relationship with them if they continue.

Aren’t they doing me any good by triggering me? If it hurts it’s on me. It’s my wound, not their actions that hurt. I should have been grateful for being triggered as it is the only way to heal. The only question left is - do I really want that?..

Yeah, I wanna get this off my chest. I know this guy and he’s into conspiracy theories and all this bull crap. I just cannot listen to him anymore. Just constantly talking about how the world is wrong. I had some kind of breakthrough last time I met him where I just repeatedly told him to shut up right in front of people. I couldn’t stop myself, it was so gratifying making the noise stop but I didn’t like having to be so rough on him. I feel like he’s void of meaning. He’s just everything I don’t want to be. Unable to keep quiet, can’t stop smoking weed, can’t hold a job, carries grudges, won’t accept help, argues he has to learn everything from scratch, says the government “tricked” him, speaks in absolutisms, blames everybody else, says he won’t work hard because he deserves to teleport right to the goal, looks like a hobo and urinates in the street. Devoid of class, can’t find a reason, man. But some of his friends are my friends and I just gotta elevate myself in his presence.

Sorry but I hate this slogan. Like the other commenter said, bullies are bullies on their own... not because the victim somehow taught them to act like that.

And it's not the victim's responsibility to teach a bully to stop being a bully, either.

Usually the only solution to a toxic person is to get the f away from them

Yes, please. If the way I act, or think, or talk, bothers you, please go away. Don't expect me to change my attitude or behaviors to suit your attitude and beliefs.

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Cool but those people pay me and do my yearly reviews.

I've done this and it's both vastly improved my life and given me more hope for humanity in general. I was concerned that most people my age fell into this pattern of thinking, but someone recently helped me see differently. It turns out that people who constantly throw blame and trigger warnings around are fairly emotionally abusive and toxic, as they expect me to conform to their often illogical whims. Obviously there is nuance here, and it's not ok to just be an asshole and agitate reasonable people. But plenty of people just get angry over reasonable differences on subjective issues and then attack others in the name of "kindness". Best to cut them out.

Saying bye to toxic people is the best decision always

I love this. Too many times people with triggers are told they’re responsible to stop the trigger whilst no one blames those causing the trigger when they know of the affect it has on the person. It’s everyone job to try to help each other and make life a little easier for one and other if we can. Everyone has hidden battles and if we can help them, why wouldn’t we?

What if I married them..?? sad laugh

Tried that, now I'm a hermit with no friends

Worth considering: There’s a difference between someone maliciously triggering you to inflict further trauma and those who unintentionally trigger painful memories.

These decisions require nuanced thought about the specific trigger and the reasonableness of the request given the person’s relationship to said person, rate of occurrence of said behavior in the general population, etc.

Distance yourself from this post

If you can’t have reasonable normal person boundaries, that’s a you problem.

I’m not reinventing how I deal with the entire world just for you. And if you expect me to, you’re the problem. Not me.

It all depends on the nature of the “boundary”. If it’s “hey can you knock before you enter the bathroom, it’s kinda weird” that’s obviously a fairly normal request.

If it’s a “hey, I can’t stand it when people ask me about my day” or “hey, I’d prefer it if you didn’t wear the color blue around me” or “hey, I want to be able to choose every ounce of food that we consume when we’re together, forever”, those are pretty abnormal boundaries, and expecting everyone else to conform to them is pretty entitled behavior.

Basically, if you expect me to have to maintain a list of rules in my head for how I should behave that are solely applicable to you, you should get that checked out because you’re absolutely batshit crazy if you think that’s ok.

And before you start the tired old argument of “it’s easy, why not just do it”, it’s not easy to manage each person’s requirements. It’s easy for you because I have to do the work. And expecting everyone you interact with to have to adapt to you is a trash person’s perspective.

I'm moving to Austin with my (almost) husband 4 days after the wedding, I hear there's no shortage of good food!

👏 Say it louder for the people in the back! Ignore the “blood is thicker than water” saying. Sometimes it is best to distance yourself from family/friends who are dragging you down. #declutter #trimthefat #growth #positivity #positive vibes #positiveenergy #mindset #relationships

Am I the asshole for disagreeing?

We live in a shared world, where we can't expect everyone to behave in a way we would like.

I say don't expect other people to live around you. Live and let live.

Or take responsibility and heal your wounds...

And we learn this from them

Lmao, this is such an overused, generic sentiment, and this rando guy is trying to watermark it with his twitter name. It's so pathetic.

I feel like “triggers” is supposed to mean something else

Exactly my question... And sad thing is I realize we both can be that toxic person at different times. We gonna try to solve it ourselves a few more times I guess, but maybe it is time to try family therapist services, I don't know...

My 6 siblings and I quite unintentionally distributed ourselves just about as far apart as possible. LA, Seattle, North ID, Chicago, Denver, Virginia. I think it was subconscious. We get along a lot better theses days, but we mostly converse via group text. One brother keeps trying to proselytize, and we keep having to shut him down.

Your triggers are YOUR issue. Stop projecting your shit onto other people. It’s fucking narcissistic