I’m trying to understand what you are trying to accomplish.

You mentioned you want to be happy, present, forgetful, and still.

I hate to say this because the thought of it makes me cringe.

You might benefit from meditation. It doesn’t work for me because I never want to be still. It does work for a lot of people.

Otherwise, try to think of things not alcohol that can help you accomplish your goals.

Maybe you don’t really want to be still, you just don’t know what to do with all your energy. In that case maybe some form of exercise would be nice. I also try to mix in as much sexual activity as possible. It’s so good for all of the things you mentioned.