I welcome failure because I don’t want to pay the price of playing it safe [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_1062i89 in GetMotivated

For the past 3 years, I've been forcing myself to choose failure over regret.

It comes from the idea of reflecting on your life and choosing what you'd rather have:

  1. Memories of you chasing your dreams and falling short sometimes but nailing it others
  2. Thoughts of how your life could’ve turned out if you didn't play it safe

The second one is scary to me.

Choosing failure over regret is a mindset of not wanting to leave anything on the table in life. It comes down to squeezing everything out of your time on Earth.

Two things thrusted this mindest on me:

  1. An article titled “The Most Powerful Lessons People Learn Too Late in Life”:

The article had a list of things you're NOT going to care about when you reflect on your life.

These stuck out to me:

  • ‍How safe and practical you were: You're not going to look back and be grateful that you didn’t try starting a business or travelling the world. You won’t be proud that you simply played it safe and saved up a good retirement after working for 40 years.
  • ‍How much embarrassment you saved: You're not going to reflect on your entire life and be glad you never risked being laughed at for having an idea that's outside the box. You won't value the comfort of NOT taking a shot over the feeling of your ideas coming to life.

2. A grid of a 90-year human life in weeks by Tim Urban:

This image is of a typical American life. Each box is a week, each row is a year, and in total, it shows a 90-year life (which is a pretty lucky age to reach). I'll comment a link of the picture!

The picture took life (which can seem endless at times) and made it VERY finite for me.

Final Thoughts:

Regrets sting more than failure because, in failure, you get to see how the idea played out. With regret, you're left wondering for an eternity.

This mindset change stopped me from saying "one day" all the time. It made me not care about, or be afraid of, judgement. I stopped letting time slip away without doing what I wanted.

Because if I let those things happen, I might regret it one day. I might wonder what could have been.

**********

This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone

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Comments

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The_AmyrlinSeat t1_j3ev2mj wrote

This really resonated. I'm at a really bad place in my life and am exploring different things that I've subscribed to that are part of the problem.

I'm scared of damn near everything. I don't want to learn to ride a bike because what if I fall off and hurt myself? I don't dance because I have two left feet and what if people laugh at me?

I never learned to cope with stress or pressure and became an alcoholic instead. My addiction has cost me everything and now, I'm just trying to find my way a day at a time. I drowned my fear and trauma in wine.

I think I'm ready to try this now. Thanks.

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TreatThompson OP t1_j3evx8i wrote

Wow this is very heavy but I’m so happy that you shared this

I hope even one person sees this and gets lifted by knowing at any given second we can change our trajectory

I’m happy this resonated with you. Embracing fears has been so impactful for me

Thank you 🙌

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Great_Whereas_9187 t1_j3fec3c wrote

I'm eighty and I'm struggling with my mortality. I can't quite get rid of the fear of dying. I do have some regrets but I've looked at them as life lessons.

As to looking back over one's life, once you're old, I think most people would have wanted to live an exciting, fuller life. So if you're a young adult I would whole heartily agree with that. I wouldn't let anything get in my way of having exciting, eventful life. I guess I'm saying living the vagabond, hedonistic life would be the way I'd have liked to live it.

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TreatThompson OP t1_j3feug5 wrote

Thank you so much for sharing this!

That last sentence is sticking with me. You don’t usually hear advice to live acting out our hedonism or thrill seeking. But I can definitely see where you’re coming from.

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YourWiseOldFriend t1_j3ftbu6 wrote

  1. I'm not making a funny here. Death is easy. It really is. Dying is a sonofabitch though.
  2. Our years tend to feel shorter because we no longer experience new things and it's same old same old, then you open your eyes, you're 30 years older.
  3. Even though you're 80, don't think of death. Death is not here. And when you're dead, you're not here [Seneca?]. So, enjoy life.
  4. You're 80, you're too old to do sensible things. Do things that are fun for you. And don't plan ahead 'for the future', do them now. You live now. You wanted to see the rodeo: go see the rodeo. You wanted to see the museum: go see the museum. You wanted to play the instrument: nobody said you had to be a master at it, just enjoy it.
  5. Don't wait. Have as many experiences as you can cram into your life.
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Great_Whereas_9187 t1_j3n7qjo wrote

Thank you for those encouraging words. They are much appreciated. I have just completed my final directives for when death comes. It just makes you think about where I'm at. Yes, your advice is welcome.

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YourWiseOldFriend t1_j3n9mjg wrote

Remember: you're too old to care about what the neighbours will think.

Have fun, let your waning years be joyous and wholesome.

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spot1985 t1_j3er6dh wrote

Your post makes me want to try again. I have two conditions: Anhedonia, which has made it so I can't enjoy anything in life, and Emotional numbness, which stops me from being able to feel anything. My mental conditions have also made it so I can barely remember what I study, so I gave up on trying to go to school, get a job, or try to get my own apartment.

Plus, I feel tired all the time. I have tried many meds but nothing has worked for 12 years. But your post makes me want to give things another try.

Thank You

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TreatThompson OP t1_j3etw7w wrote

Wow I’m sorry to hear about your conditions, but I’m glad you work to find the drive to keep pushing on

Thanks for sharing this!

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Quepper t1_j3ferdi wrote

Keep going my friend keep going! Have you ever dome any fasting or juicing for long periods of time? They are what gave me my spark of life back when I was emotionally numb and didnt want to live anymore

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Svi97 t1_j3ff4j4 wrote

Thanks for this reminder! I’m in my mid 20s but I’m already starting to feel the effects of being too safe with my life choices. Missing out on opportunities based on how risky it is has left me feeling unfulfilled in more ways than one. This applies to love, career, relationships, mental health and finances for me as of now. Taking the risk would’ve changed my life and made it less stagnant than it is now. I’m grateful for the opportunities that I did take a chance on which is why I wish I did it more often. It really could have potentially changed my life for the better.

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TreatThompson OP t1_j3ffqgh wrote

I feel you! The times where I played it too safe always creep in my mind and haunt me

But I just use it as a learning opportunity. Now I know what I’ll regret in the future and how said thing might play out, so I’ll be in a better position in the future when a similar opportunity comes around

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LunaMoth116 t1_j3g3pvd wrote

“Either you have an enviable memory, or a pitiable life, to know nothing of regret.” ~ Sten, Dragon Age: Origins

I think about this quote a lot, and not just b/c DA:O is my all-time favorite video game (in part b/c of writing like this). The words “pitiable life” jump out at me; Sten appears to be saying that having regret for things one has done (and by this point, he has done much that he regrets) is, while unfortunate, more respectable than any regret one might feel for never taking any risks.

I have my share of regrets, but the ones where I wish I had said or done something differently, been a better friend/girlfriend/daughter, etc., don’t eat away at me like regrets about things I didn’t do. Nothing major, mostly just things I wish I had told people when they were still around to hear them, but they still weigh on me more than any regrets I have about things that did happen. I’ve learned from my regrets about prior actions and words, and I like to think I’m a better person for that. But my regrets about not doing something? All I get from those is a constant refrain of, “Dammit, why didn’t I…? What would’ve happened if…”

Well, okay, and the following lessons, which are still important, and I hope you never have to learn them the hard way, like I did:

  1. No one has a contract with God (or whatever higher power you may believe in);
  2. The time to tell someone how much they mean to you is when they’re around to hear it…not when you’re standing next to their grave.

…wow, that turned out way more depressing than I intended. But you know what? At least now, all the important people in my life, present and future, will always know how I feel about them.

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[deleted] t1_j3g97mh wrote

I’m glad you posted this. A lot of people need to hear it, even myself. I tell myself I’m going to do something big, start creating and quit my job that I hate, but weeks turn into months and I don’t want months to turn into years I gotta act!!

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TreatThompson OP t1_j3gycc9 wrote

I’m glad it resonated with you!!

You’re definitely not alone, analysis paralysis is so hard to overcome, but js personally always worth the leap

Goodluck! 🙌

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[deleted] t1_j3rqgsr wrote

The biggest regret I have is not blowing my head off in around 1998 or 99.

My adult life has been miserable and frustrating. I hate my job, no friends, no social life.

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Academic-Bench-4954 t1_j4977mf wrote

I feel this comment a lot, because I wake up on the daily thinking, if this is all life has to offer me, I don’t think I want it. I have no plans or intentions of doing so, but I get it. If I’ve learned anything about being miserable all the time, it’s this; you make your own mood everyday. You decide if you want to be hyper active crazy and silly all day of if you want to have a scowl on your face all day. If you hate your job genuinely or you hate the pay you make. Start looking at Glassdoor and indeed. There’s jobs everywhere. I just recently changed career directions from us contractor work for the govt back into the direction of collision repair. Start applying for places you like, and go from there. Apply for everything your curious ahout because, fuck it dude why not?

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[deleted] t1_j4jcv0v wrote

There are no jobs out there that would come close to the money I currently make.

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Academic-Bench-4954 t1_j4rbguv wrote

I’ve taken a pay cut for my mental health before. If you can’t make it bearable, and don’t want to leave, then make the job work for you. You don’t work for the company, that company works around you because you have a life.

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[deleted] t1_j4rc4wy wrote

Life doesn't work that way.

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Academic-Bench-4954 t1_j5voxcz wrote

Works for me. I wouldn’t want to work anywhere else because of it.

I could make an excuse up to leave work if I wanted. It’s that easy, and I haven’t done that by the way, just an example. It’s very laid back, I come to work do my job, go home. If my wife calls, I answer it.

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[deleted] t1_j5vzymk wrote

Consider yourself lucky. I work every shift...evenings, mornings, and a midnight... during the course of 5 days. I've done this for numerous years.

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