[Discussion] How to get into action without having a goal yet?

Submitted by Konmarty t3_10o59yj in GetMotivated

Not entirely sure if this is the best subreddit for this but:
Basically I lack any clear goal or purpose right now and I'm kinda stuck in this place of overthinking/analysing without getting to any action. I know (in theory) that any kind of action leads to things happening/inspiration/new ideas etc. I also know from experience that when opportunities present themselves I'm pretty good at thinking 'YES, THIS IS WHAT I WANT!' and going for it. But when I'm sat staring at a white sheet trying to write down 'where I wanna go next?': not so much. So I probably should start just doing... anything, in hopes that it will give me new insights or ideas about where it is I wanna go?
But I'm extremely bad at doing things just for the sake of doing them. Like I could take a course, in hopes I'll make new friends there. But if that is my main motivation and I don't really care about the course itself it's just setting myself up for disappointment if it ends up just being an uninteresting course that hasn't lead to any significant changes to my social life. I could book a little trip (my last vacation was 7 years ago) in hopes it will ignite something in me, but if I spend the entire trip hoping it will give me ideas about where to go next there's a fair chance I might not even enjoy the time there for what it is + I might just end up returning home in the exact same place I am now, just with less money.

I know doing something I'm excited about is kinda key, and in the past has often started a chain reaction of other interesting things happening but at the moment I kinda lack that initial thing that sets me off..
So should I just start doing things I don't really care about in hopes sooner or later I'll have my 'aha'-moment?

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Ortus14 t1_j6cnl17 wrote

It sounds like your goal is to make friends. That's the only thing you wrote that you care about.

That's a good goal to focus on, that will be more satisfying than most things you could chase. Now you just need to figure out how to achieve that.

For example if you start a course with the goal of making friends, don't click with any one, then drop the course. Remember your goal. Then find another situation where you might meet some one, repeat.

I think one issue you have, is you want to have tons of different goals, but when you spread yourself thin, you achieve nothing. Making a friend is a good first goal. Achieve that.

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Konmarty OP t1_j6cozio wrote

Well it was just an example but I guess in a way it's one of my goals, since all friends I had/have settled down and changed from 'apping daily' to 'seeing eachother once every 2 months'. I can be quite the loner and perfectly fine spending weeks without seeing anyone but I guess everyone likes having some people you feel comfortable around.But I'd think the best approach to that is 'doing things that appeal to you so you'll meet people with common interests' and then there I get kinda stuck again. (Like for example I'm very invested in pop music but I don't like big crowds so I don't enjoy concerts so that leaves... hanging around in record stores?? Well and online communities I guess but I have no lack of online people to discuss things with)

And going to things/activities in hopes of meeting people/making friends kinda reminds me of how as a teen/twentier I used to spend every night out hoping to find love, like it feels there's an element of desperation/wanting it too much to it when you're chasing it instead of letting things just happen organically? But then it's not like a lot happens organically when I spend all my time at home so I do feel I should find something I find worth spending time on out of the house..

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Ortus14 t1_j6h80wh wrote

No pain no gain.

As far as reeking of desperation, that can be fixed by practicing non attachment to outcome and focusing on the process.

So instead of telling yourself, I'm going to make a friend, you tell yourself I'm going to introduce myself to three groups of people, and if we vibe I'll exchange contact info and suggest we all hang out. They could completely ignore you, but you should consider that a success, and maybe even reward yourself for doing it.

Then you try a different approach, maybe work on your vibe, your style, your fitness, your grooming, or where you choose to go, then try again. But again the success is that you did the experiment, not weather it worked or not. Because either way you got new experiences and data, that will help you in the future.

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Konmarty OP t1_j6h8ywf wrote

That's probably a good approach yes. (Though obviously it would still help if I just go do things I enjoy in the first place so any outcome is secondary. But there's a bit of a conflict of interest there cause I don't really enjoy social interaction and all of my hobby's are quite solitary too)

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Ortus14 t1_j6hdw3z wrote

Exactly. You aren't likely to make friends if you don't push yourself out of your comfort zone.

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xerxes_dandy t1_j6clprn wrote

May be you should start yogic breathing ,basic pranayama and progress towards meditation.That will help you to find what you are looking for

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Konmarty OP t1_j6cmb2e wrote

I'm already doing the occasional meditation which does help me relax a bit but thusfar it never gave me any.. insights? (will look into yogic breathing and pranayama though!)

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tyreka13 t1_j6dlhov wrote

As an achievement/goal enjoying person, I realized that I do not function amazing well with goals. I had a problem of making goals and forgetting them and then trying to binge progress. Instead I use goals as an idea but transform everything into scheduled appointments or daily habits. It isn't a SMART or scheduled goal but I have noticed I have made better progress on what I wanted to do even without an end date or quantity measure

Examples: instead of passing the Japanese N5 test by summer, I make a habit of learning Japanese daily. Or instead of finish 1 project a month I make a habit of doing something creative each day or making sewing dates with friends over the weekends that month. Instead of losing X weight, I have two habits of eating homemade healthy meals while not eating out, and exercising daily.

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Konmarty OP t1_j6dy7ne wrote

That sounds like a good way to approach it! Of course that does still require to at least know you want to learn Japanese..

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Large_Winter9053 t1_j6fpu7y wrote

Don't you have any dreams? An awesome house in great location? Fun job that pays well? Meeting the love of your life? Some fitness goal, like running a marathon, or just losing weight and getting fit?

A goal is just a way to measure progress towards your dreams. How much, by when.

A plan is a set of steps you take to reach the goal.

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Konmarty OP t1_j6h8shd wrote

As fun as some of those sound having been incapacitated for work for over a decade now I've pretty much given up on any 'big' dreams (or anything that involves money). Love would be nice but I feel I should first be able to be 100% happy on my own first because right now a love interest would probably become my hyperfocus which never is a good idea.
Though I guess there might be something here about how I do have things I want but for each dream there's immediately thoughts about how it's not realistic or the wrong thing to want..

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