“& work from there” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this advice.

Right? I've been having issues with this very thing for so long. Now what do I do, image? Hmmm?

I'm a software engineer. Many moons ago, there was this framework released that was going to be this next big thing. Everyone was going to use it, and people who didn't know it were going to be out of a job. I tried learning it. But, I couldn't because I kept procrastinating.

Finally, I found a job that wasn't using that framework at all. They were doing something really new and exciting with old school tech. I was at that job for 3 years, and every week, I would kick myself for taking a job that used old school tech. All because I was too lazy to learn something new. Fucking procrastination!

By the time I was done with the job, the framework had fallen flat. No one was using it. And guess what? The concepts that I learned in that old school tech job are the same concepts that the cloud is built on. I was way ahead of everyone else because I already knew things before everyone else.

Lesson learned: Sometimes, procrastination is your subconscious telling you something. I knew at a subconscious level that the new framework wasn't that useful. I just couldn't articulate why, and i was falling for the hype. Also, I knew at a subconscious level that I'm learning something cool at that old school tech job.

I'm not saying that all procrastination is good. All I'm saying is that procrastination isn't all bad either. Sometimes, it comes from a lack of passion. Sometimes, you need to let your heart lead the way. Trust your subconscious.

I keep procrastinating to sleep ;((

Dying to know also

thanks for motivating me to make xmas cards

Saved this post so I can read it later

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/s I did read it :P

Software engineer also & curious what framework you are talking about.
But I can confirm, frameworks come and go and it is way better to learn the deeper concepts behind things

What if you're writing a story but feel you require you fully flesh out like 15 characters exhaustively first, fail to convince yourself otherwise, get tired, lose sight of the actual story, and give up for a while because of this toxic spiral?

I pick lack of interest, now what?

Write a paragraph about each of their deaths. Whether it happens in the story or much later. Think about how they got to that point, and whether they are satisfied with the timing and the lives they led. They don't have to be good, or publishable, or usable. You only have to write.

This might be a little old school for many people here. I'm dating myself.

The framework was EJB. That shit was fucking boring and fizzled out.

The company I worked for built their own search engine for structured data. It was a precursor to ElasticSearch. In fact, Apache Lucene was our biggest competitor. We were way ahead of Lucene. We had features that Apache Solr had before Solr started. The problem was that we were closed source and paid. Then someone started Solr, and Solr+Lucene was as good as us and free. Our clients moved to Solr+Lucene seemingly overnight. That's when I left the company cuz they could literally not make payroll at one point. ElasticSearch essentially took Solr+Lucene, put it on the cloud, and made a lot of improvements.

The search engine was all running on a fleet of servers running Tomcat. There wasn't even a database. The data was all stored in fucking binary files.. or so I thought initially. Later, I learned that the data was stored in columnar format. The CTO and the architect had invented their own columnar file format. Which is pretty cool right now, but back then, it was weird when the whole world was on RDBMS. Also, I learned a lot of things that no one would even talk about. I learned how sharding data can help you scale. We essentially had our own map-reduce. I learned all this when AWS was in its infancy.

It was all very cool. But, throughout, I was blaming myself for procrastinating on learning EJBs and learning things that 95% of the industry doesn't understand. Procrastinating was the best thing that I did.

I’ve been struggling with this all year

Sometimes the solution is to break down a seemingly overwhelming task into the smallest of steps. Even year long projects seem doable if each task takes 10 minutes

good advice, saved for later.

What does work from there mean? Do you try to move on and keep doing the thing that’s stressing you out in small bits anyways? What if you can’t do that?

This is absolutely true. All my procrastination comes from anxiety : not knowing what steps to take, imposter syndrome, fearing a difficult conversation. And when I finally do it, I feel a huge relief.

Yup. I have identified that trying to do the work would make me feel bad, so I'm trying to do anything else. And anything else feels better. How do I stop that?

Then I start googling the meaning and origin of procrastination. Before long I've watched 2 hours of homemade log-splitters on YouTube.

Work from there

Fuck me I still don't want to run a mile this morning

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I’m pretty sure it means “watch YouTube”

I found the Reversal of Desire from The Tools really useful for this.

It’s from the psychologist Phil Stutz. Jonah Hill made a documentary about him which is on netflix.

The idea is that when you’re procrastinating you’re avoiding some sort of pain, so visualise the pain associated with the thing you’re avoiding and face toward it. Then shout “Bring it on!” and move into (in your mind).

This has been hands down the most effective tactic for tackling procrastination for me (historically, a chronic procrastinator).

EDIT: you can search Reversal of Desire on google for a better description than I just gave

Now you are cured. If not, just stop procrastinating. It's that simple. If you just stop procrastinating you don't procrastinate anymore.

Yes, I don’t feel like scrubbing my toilet today. Must be a deep seated fear of parental rejection.

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Why am I not doing the thing I should? Cause they're boring, and there's no rush to get them done. To make procrastinating work, you ironically enough need discipline.

The stigma around procrastinating is kinda bad these days. I realize many often suffer from their procrastinating, which in turn leads to posts like these. But like most things in life, to much of something is rarely ever good for ya.

Perfectionism. I hate wasting time on work that feels inadequate

Funny thing is, Ive had multiple prolonged periods of time (6+ months) where I did everything I had to do on daily bases despite not wanting to do it. I was very dedicated and determined but what that did afterwards was put me in a prolonged state of depression, anxiety and procrastination because I was so fed up with giving it my all that I didnt want to do anything anymore.

Why would it make you feel bad?

• surf reddit

Works with adhd and depression, too!

Accurate. We often mask procrastination of one task by completing other tasks and saying “I was busy doing other things”.

This is the kind of advice that is just the right amount of ridiculous that I actually think it might work and I'm gonna try it...And probably look/feel like an idiot while my adhd brain is laughing at my feeble attempts to wrest control.

not true at all. you can procrastine and not be anxious at all.

Sounds like a easy way to fall into embracing that you don’t want to do something.

I'm a massive procrastinator but suffer from zero anxiety. So I'm struggling to see a link between the two. But I'm also intrigued by this concept linking these two behaviours.

Or, you know, I'd just rather play video games and I work way better under deadline pressure anyway.

I find a lot of the time I need to do something, like cut the lawn, I get anxiety in a sense that it feels like I'm being told to do it, that it's expected of me, that it's a responsibility being forced on me, etc, and by doing it once I'll be expected to do it forever! Yea, it's way over thinking it. It's one of those things where I need to "just not think about it" and do it. Training to do that is hard though.

Oops I procrastinated by overanalyzing myself instead of doing the task

About as useful as a chocolate teapot

Yeah, I don't think lack of interest is a symptom of anxiety.

That is a great tip! Thank you!

Yes, exactly! I find that it is helpful to focus on that "huge relief" part. What I like to do is categorize everything into two types of fun: Type 1 fun, and Type 2 fun. Type 1 fun is stuff like rollercoasters, go-karts, video games, scrolling reddit -- these things are obvious fun on their own. Type 2 fun is like running a marathon, climbing a mountain or even something mundane like doing the dishes -- it sucks while you're doing it, but feels great when you've done it. You could try journaling about the experience afterwards and try to capture your feelings about it -- almost like you're bottling it up for later when you need to open it up for future motivation.

It's ironic that I read this today. I procrastinate a lot. I just came to the realization that it's due to my overwhelming lack of confidence in what I'm doing. I have a side hustle that requires me to use my artistic abilities. The work I do isn't bad. But the lack of confidence in my abilities makes me really put off what I should be doing out of fear that it's going to suck and the people who are paying me to do what I do will hate it. It hasn't happened yet, but I always struggle with" is this the time I mess up and the customer hates it" I know I would redo anything they weren't happy with, but it's that anxiety of it not being right.

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For me, it's the overwhelm. In constantly trying to tend to urgencies, all the stuff I'm scheduled/supposed to be doing gets procrastinated on, and I justify it, because I'm putting out fires as they pop up.

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Utter terror, trauma, ptsd…

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How do you visualise the pain? Like, imagine it as some sort of entity or being and go take it by the horns? That's all well and good but after my imaginary superhero battle I've still got a project to finish.

Sounds like a great way to keep procrastinating.

I'm a habitual procrastinator, and it sometimes causes issues. Most often, it has no meaningful impact on the quality of my life--the time I save rushing to finish the task is offset almost exactly by the extra stress. Sometimes though, the task resolves itself--as happened in your case.

I think non-procrastinators would be shocked at how many of life's "problems" just go away on their own if you can convince yourself to leave them alone for a bit.

It's easy to imagine problems that get worse with time, and I think anxiety about that outcome is what pushes people to immediate action. I argue that an experienced procrastinator will have a better sense for which tasks are likely to devolve into problems vs which ones are likely to simply dissolve.

Procrastinate later.

On point

Like Nike says "just do it"

Try to associate a good feeling with the completion of a task, even if it's just a good memory.

Ok, what do you do with “lack of interest”?

No it's a sign of laziness

We're not meant to be doing things we dislike doing. Once you find something you truly enjoy doing. You won't Procrastinate

No I won’t

Thanks for this, it really gives some waking call in my mind.

Procrastination is also a symptom of ADHD. This statement isn't helpful for everyone.

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Not sure how this helps…I mean I avoid things that I don’t know how to do or don’t want to do. Just because I’m aware of it, doesn’t mean I know where to go from there.

Laughs in ADHD

I have ADHD. My procrastination has absolutely nothing to do with anxiety.

Nothing wrong with procrastination..... you tool

Just stop having problems bro. Just do it. Nike was right!!!

I get this feeling with 70% percent of posts in this sub. Like, I'm not blind, I almost always know what the problem is, it's the fixing-part where every psychologist looks me dead in the eye and says 'you should try not doing that'

You know this is a trick commonly taught to special forces in the military, right?

It’s called embracing the suck.

You literally imagine the bad thing happening, and instead of saying “I don’t want that” you say “Bring it on!”

20 mile run in the rain, gonna be drenched and sore by the time it’s over? Bring it on!

Spending the next 3 hours on a project while your friends party it up, staring out the window wishing you were with them? Bring it on! That all you got? That’s nothing! Think that’ll beat me? Yeah right!

You get the idea?

This sounds like burnout.

You should try to focus on one important project at a time, instead of spreading your attention to many things.

Choose something you know you’ll enjoy first, ideally with a relatively soon payoff. Then keep rolling to the next thing from there, but keep focused on one thing. Soon you’ll build momentum again.

Oh just shut up and get motivated already!

/s

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"Lack of interest"

Well shit, I never knew that. Everything seems so clear now.

Me reading this image while procrastinating on reddit

Anxiety that I have to get it done but have no “go juice to do it”

Embracing the suck...hmm. kinda like that too.

I’m tired. Can’t I just be tired?

Laughs in ADHD…

Honestly sometimes I'm just burnt out from work, no anxiety, just tired.

no shit bro I rather have adhd

Useful

Had the week off to do Xmas projects. Today is my last day to get them done due to various social events from now until then.

I have engaged deadline mode and cranked out a week of projects in one day.

Major props to my wife for the encouragement.

For me it was Trauma and living in survival mode - it never got switched "off" as an adult because my environment was never truly safe for me.

It is safe now, I've gone to therapy and understand now that whenever I feel unsafe - aka reacting from a Trauma response - my main reaction is FLIGHT. This looks like avoidance, procrastination, dissociation and even laziness to others and myself. My whole life I let others convince me that I was lazy, when all my brain was doing was trying to protect itself the only way it knew how.

Thanks to therapy I've started to change how I react to things, I've become mindful to it, and it helps me stop my trauma responses anywhere from in the moment to days after. Recognizing it was the first step to changing it.

I no longer use the words lazy or procrastination. I no longer believe they're real concepts, I think they're words used by misunderstanding how our brain functions. It's too bad because shame was the main driver of me never asking myself why I felt that way: it made me assume I was a failure and a bad human. The reality was I was actually just being human.

Have you heard of the "4 F's"? Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Avoidance and procrastination can be a flight or freeze response. Or in other words, a trauma response.

It helps me to remember that urgent and important are two distinct dimensions. Sometimes urgency (or that perception) gives the impression of importance. But if it’s not important, maybe I don’t need to do it, or I can satisfice it quickly, off load it, or just reprioritize it below the things that are actually important.

Urgent AND important, that’s priority.

And if everything is important? I’m not deducing importance correctly.

If there's no one in your life who can gently teach you how to regulate your emotions, this is where therapy can be helpful and has changed my life.

In essence I believe you are saying that you are unable to manage big emotions- which is very human and not your fault. We all have to be taught this! And if our parents didn't teach us (mine didn't), or another family member or a teacher or maybe a sports coach didn't... Who was left to teach you?

When you learn how to calm yourself past those big emotions you can access your rational brain again. Literally when you are "triggered" and start experiencing a Trauma response, you can't access your prefrontal cortex. I've been learning this over the past year, and personally I have found after everything I've tried, just learning how the brain works (and it isn't as complicated as I feared) has really helped me understand where the "inner critic" comes from- makes it a lot easier to tell it to stfu and be nice to you lol. I hope that helps?

(I want to add that avoiding things makes me feel better too. My main response to danger is to run away, or in modern terms, avoid things)

This guy put it into great perspective

https://youtu.be/fvRDBpEliEU

Yeah, I have to pretend I'm a totally other person. Make a phone call? Fill out important paperwork? Get up for work in the morning? How would someone that does that all the time (and doesn't hate it) do it? Try to temporarily be that person to get started, then regular you gets to be you again after you start. It's like acting I guess, and works pretty well.

Dammit…

My twisted logic is submitting that report late will postpone the unwanted sentence of me becoming an adult.

Ok but how do I overcome that?

I wish. Most of my procrastination is due to having other things I'd rather do.

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This was me for all of high school. It was always "go go go pack your college resume or you'll end up in a shit college". Then I actually got to college and was so exhausted and burnt out on life that I almost failed my first year. Obviously I'm doing this whole bootstraps thing all wrong.

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I procrastinate everything and need the adrenaline surge of leaving stuff extremely late to get me to do it. It’s late and I’m even procrastinating going to sleep now

Nonsense. I’m procrastinating mopping the floor because I’m lazy and would rather play video games. Quite the opposite, if I felt anxiety over it, I’d probably have done it already.

Maybe tomorrow, because when I wake up it will be today… never tomorrow.

/r/adhd

I struggle with ADHD too. I'm still far from perfect but being mindful of things like fears. Facing them. Working with your brain instead of fighting it, and importantly trying to enjoy or appreciate your own effort helps. My basic understanding is we literally struggle with dopamine. Trying to pair dopamine with effort helps a lot. Fighting our brain just gives us less control. It's telling your brain that your brain is a threat which just makes things worse.

I out loud even at times tell myself "I'm trying. That's all I can do especially with my brain. Any effort is good and should be celebrated" has massively helped me. If anyone tells you you're not doing your best don't listen. One of the worst things to tell a neurodivergent person.

That mindset also helped with my self esteem. Even if my fears are true and I'm being a terrible person by not doing something, like not controlling my brain, giving myself the ability to appreciate my effort will help me change.

For lack of interest I find some peppy music or think of something super fun to do after that task is finished. Brian Tracy used to call the unpleasant task "Eat That Frog" and Jessica McAbe from How To ADHD calls it "The Wall of Awful." Doing the worst thing first helps especially if the worst thing is the most important.

I've also had fun doing the "why" of when something needs to get done, like figuring out a rational reason or overplaying how a particular task has a big picture meaning. But if something's truly pointless it's been enough motivation to call someone up and figuring a way around doing it in the first place. This is mainly a work bureaucracy thing and there's definitely some limits to this.

In high school I didn't do a lot of activities or clubs and it really hurt me in college applications. So for college I made an effort to join as many as possible without even a second thought. I became "treasurer" of a few just for sticking around lol.

Then I apply to law school and it's all GPA and LSAT score. Turns out I was just going to random meetings for no reason. Anyways learn from my mistakes, take some time to sit down and figure out what's big picture helpful. Looking back it could have just been my ADHD urge to join everything/take up every hobby haha

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Now you've gotten as far as one tweet of advice can get you.

You gotta find the next tweet that covers what to do in the case of lack of intrest, best of luck to you!

What about the act and deadline drains your interest? Boredom is the absence of meaning, and if you're not finding meaning in your work, why do it? Possibly because you have to? Why do you have to? Is there something else you 'have to do' that would instead spark interest?

I think that's what's meant from working from there

Honestly college applications are awful at measuring anything other than "willingness to play someone's stupid mind games"...which actually fits in pretty well with job applications too

It sounds like you’re saying “force yourself to do it, even if you don’t want to do it”. Easier said then done.

I know exactly why I'm procrastinating. My lack of interest is not a secret.

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Ah, if you did those clubs and had the grades and volunteer activities, then you'd be ready for med school for some reason.

Jokes on you, I procrastinated getting my student loans refinance and now (possibly) they might forgive 20k of them. I wouldn't be getting anything had I refinanced to a third party. Sometimes procrastinating does you good!

100% of the time lack of interest. I tried working from there and got stuck.

And depression(maybe it isn’t technically procrastination but it will certainly appear that way as an observation, since procrastination in this context is ‘laziness/lack of sufficient will/ambition to do the task), which now also means it could be a phase of bipolar disorder.

So we’ve narrowed it down to… a whole list of the most common mental disorders, good start!

If that’s all you hear then you’ll always have that excuse ready on hand.

So I have to stop making excuses and interpret advice differently. How? Is there anything I can practice or train myself to do to overcome this?

..or it could just be something completely normal that everyone does….

I’ve been pretending to be this for thirty years. Fake it til you make it does not work.

I try to use a version of breaking things down into really tiny steps, and sometimes when I get a few steps ticked off on something I can slip into hyperfocus and then all of a sudden I'm deep into a task that doesn't seem as daunting anymore.

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Eh, I’ll do it later

No no you don't understand. Once you figure out the underlying cause of your mental issues, it automatically solves them.

Your hippocampus is like "oh, your mother's yelling caused your crippling anxiety!" And then magically undoes all of the reinforced neural structures of your unhealthy coping mechanisms. And somehow puts in the healthy coping methods that you never learned.

This is how all the “mental health experts” on TikTok think.

What if it's literally always feeling weighted down. Like I'm carrying a heavy backpack that also sits on my head?

You’re not approaching the problem from an honest position right now.

You said I just told you to force yourself to do it- but that’s not what I said.

I said you need to embrace the suck - to look at all the terrible aspects of what you don’t want to do (what you are procrastinating), and choose to enjoy those things.

I think your choice to read that advice as “force yourself” is ultimately your own decision. You’re not wrong, in that you ultimately do have to ‘force’ yourself to do things, but you’re using that aspect of the action as an excuse to ultimately walk to “I can’t do it” by route of “easier said than done -> it’s very hard -> it’s too difficult for me”

Embracing the suck is a way to motivate yourself - you tell yourself that yeah this sucks, but it’s a GOOD thing that it sucks. It means you’re doing something most people wouldn’t want to because you’re willing to face up to the challenge. Suck means you’re on the right path. It’s a teacher, if you’re willing to learn from it.

But yea, ultimately it’s still just forcing yourself. (I’m not saying that’s what I told you, I’m saying that’s what’s under the skin of the reality of motivation/determination) That’s true for everyone, and it’s true that the road will be harder for some than others. If it’s harder for you to overcome procrastination, you can embrace that suck too. “I have to work that much harder to overcome procrastination, it means I’m that much stronger than the people who had it easy from the start. I have an advantage over them in knowing how to manage distraction. Obstacles that would crush them I can overcome thanks to the suck I had to face.”

Or you can just spit out “easier said than done” and call it a day. 🤷‍♂️

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I've been procrastinating from putting my laundry away. I didn't do it because my closet is cluttered and I'd have to go in and get rid of things to make room for the clothes I do wear. To get rid of the closet clothes, I'd have to have a good reason, which means trying them on and seeing if I could actually wear them more. That means confronting all the weight I put on from having a baby, and I don't want to do that, so the clothes stay where they are.

Embrace the things that make life difficult for they are also the things that will teach you the most and make you stronger.

Every challenge you face is an opportunity to improve, every struggle makes you stronger.

It’s not forcing yourself to do a thing because “you know it’s good for you”. It’s seeing that a thing is challenging, knowing that means it’s a growth path, and getting excited for the suffering itself because you know it will reap rewards.

No doubt this is true sometimes…but not in every case.

I don’t understand. You’re saying it isn’t forcing myself, but it is ultimately forcing myself to “embrace the suck”. That sounds like you’re saying, don’t think of it that way, but it totally is that way, but because you’re thinking of it that way you’ll never overcome it and just fall back on excuses. It’s terribly confusing and frustrating. And still not really helping or explaining how to overcome the urge to not “embrace the suck”.

Where my adhd fam at?

Procrastination is the fuel for a productive day for me. The thing is, I’d love to not wait until the last minute to start on some types of tasks, but my executive dysfunction literally won’t let me.

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You get it and just said it yourself.

Do you like cheese? Do you think of eating cheese as eating basically moldy/expired milk? No, you think of it as tasty cheese that can be put in a sandwich or spread on a cracker.

You think of things one-way-or-the-other all the time. Your perception often doesn’t align with reality.

What’s wrong with manually tweaking your perspective to induce results? All it is is saying “I’m not forcing myself because I love doing things that suck” until it becomes true.

I appreciate you. And also, I dream of the day when I could show myself that kind of grace. It's like...if I fail at the thing(s) I'm trying to accomplish in life, then I will have nothing else to live for. That feels like a much scarier place to be than where I am now, because at least there's still a part of me that's fighting. If I'm merely here to survive, I will not make it.

That’s something that could work. Thank you. I’ll give it a try.

It’s the latter - you can be inspired by suffering.

Failure is just one step on the road to success. Worst case, you’re learning what isn’t for you. But it’s important to keep at the things you do want as well, because you wont see success if you just quit right away.

Good luck! It’s worked wonders for me, I hope it does the same for you too :)

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What is it about suffering that makes you so unhappy?

Suffering is how you achieve great things. You should be happy to suffer, it means you’re pushing for something important.

lmao this is sooooo mood

Oh yes. Let me tell my ADHD that I'm cured. Thank you, magic advice on the internet!

And Shia LaBeouf

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Anxiety is a symptom of procrastination

I just can't be fucked so I'm not doing it

Mainly before working out because it’s hard there’s nothing that can be done about that

So how do you solve it if the answer is "You've got ADHD"?

No self confidence

That’s the secret hack nobody wants to tell you ;)

Honestly, suffering is pain and hardship. Of course it isn’t fun.

But the pain isn’t there for no reason. It’s a means to an end. You don’t get strong by not going to the gym, and you don’t go to the gym and not suffer. When people say they feel good during a workout, they don’t mean it it’s a comfortable or entertaining experience - they mean they recognize that the suffering is producing results and they feel accordingly.

Whatever it is you have to do, it might not be enjoyable in the present moment, but you can always find enjoyment in the fact that suffering means you’re doing something nessecary and becoming better for it.

This is good advice! Although, in my experience, the knowledge (which is "merely" mental, an intelectual construct) that I'll be glad for having done something (based on the memory of past experience), is sometimes not enough to push through the resistance and inertia (which is emotional and can be very overwhelming).

I have found that it is helpful to cultivate awareness. First of all, to recognize and honour what I am feeling, so that, if I end up procrastinating, I can do so consciously, as a "choice", and not beat myself over it. But I can also "distance" myself from the emotional reaction this way, having a better chance at navigating through that blockage, into doing the thing it'll feel great to have done. And more important, by being present, I can bring myself to enjoy the task at hand (the actual doing of it, as I do it, and not just the having done it, looking back), so as to discover a "type 1" kind of fun in what was so difficult to give myself to, to begin with.

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I don’t imagine the painful event, so much as the pain that will come with that event. Don’t want to do my taxes? Imagine the pain of boredom, imagine how that feels in my body. Then turn that “feeling” as a cloud in my head (takes a bit of creativity) and face it.

“Bring it on”, I say to that cloud, those feelings - not necessarily to the prospect of doing my taxes.

I also have adhd, this has helped me get into that hyper-focused state for things I didn’t want to do.

This is the equivalent of telling a depressed person just be happy. I promise you if people could solve all of their own problems they would.

Someone else will figure it out

Usually for me I just got distracted by something else, like I go to make coffee but instead I feed my cat, then think about food for me and look in my fridge, but I don't have eggs so I go to the store....

This resonates with me. A lot.

Okay, I think you make some important points. Let’s follow those thoughts:

When trying for weight loss, how many different strategies have you tried? How long do you spend on a strategy? Fitness can be an incredibly difficult mountain to climb because what works for one won’t wont for the other, and results take unusually long to materialize.

Why is your first thought upon failure “I suck and can’t progress.” Why not actively change that to “I now know what doesn’t work and get the opportunity to try a different strategy!”

Leisure should be fun. But leisure time isn’t productive time. Furthermore, think about how productive you had to be to turn those things into leisure! Was your first book easy? How long did it take you to truly appreciate literature and film? Do your opinions continue to grow and mature as you consume? Does it come freely, or does it take effort? You may be naturally inclined to these things, but nobody is born knowing how to read, nobody is born a movie buff, and it took time and effort to build those skills which you aren’t recognizing because they’re so trivial to you now.

If you want to grow, you have to work. And it sounds to me like the thing that’s really got you unhappy is the fact that everyone around you seems to be growing effortlessly. Hint: they aren’t. Everyone you know who is growing is working hard at it. Even if they’re a natural at what they’re doing, they’re working. (The best-of-the-best synergize between hard work and natural skill to get further than anyone else can)

The best way to see it is to join someone on a growth path. If the gym is a big one for you, get a gym buddy. Every time you feel like someone is watching you, frankly, remind yourself they aren’t, but also know that overcoming their gaze, or even their feeling of a gaze, is a challenge worth tackling.

Usually it’s anxiety related to a totally different thing that preoccupies my mind. Like I want to focus on this thing but I can’t stop thinking about the other thing upsetting me.

That makes me anxious just thinking about doing that.

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this is all perspective, I can’t fix you refusing to see that.

There’s no such thing as a fool proof fitness plan - anybody who tells you that is trying to sell you something.

If you’re comparing your fitness level to your gym buddy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You have your suck, they have theirs. It’s two different things. Besides, I bet none of your workout buddies had the same critical thoughts about films and books you brought with you into the gym.

All of these complaints are opportunities if you view them that way.

Why do you care if people are looking? Does it make any difference if they are or aren’t?

Maybe a traditional gym isn’t right for you - can’t say you’ve tried everything until you’ve tried something else. Have you been boxing? Swimming? Tennis? HEMA? (Guarantee you’ve never done the last one!)

This is all your choice, to view things as you do. They’re either problems to make life miserable, or challenges to be overcome and destroyed. The choice is yours.

Perfectionism

I love to hear that kind of feedback, thank you! I'm glad and also sorry to hear it.

I can chat or answer any questions you have! I'm just trying to put knowledge out there because I wish I had that sooner, ha.

Lack of interest, shit tool, what worked yesterday doesn't work today, but "nobody changed nothing!" Fuck it all. Also, lots of manipulating people, I'm now officially a manager, and yet - no one answers to me. I give orders, I have the responsibility, but all it is is a title, no chain of command. (They fired my boss and gave me the responsibilities, I now answer to someone who was at his title level, but has ZERO experience with what the teams do. As in, he hasn't done coding. Ever. So when he says, "Why can't this be done tomorrow?" it's a bit like explaining physics to a fruitfly. Just CAN'T understand, as he doesn't want to.) Oh, and the took SUCKS, and we're using it bass ackwards.

Actually some truth to that. Especially if you're afraid of failure. Just get started. It'll work itself out. Unless you've got a hammer and need a screwdriver or something, but if you don't get started you won't know what tool you need anyway, and it won't get done regardless.

Still hard to get unstuck, of course.

All this isn’t to say I don’t empathize with struggling. We all struggle. I struggle with my weight too.

But it’s not about whether or not you struggle - it’s about how you handle your struggle. Mindset can be just as difficult and valid a struggle as exercise or dating or work or anything else.

Maybe it’s worth it to find a smaller challenge first, with more immediate results to try the “embrace the suck” mindset on?

I just don't want to empty the dishwasher. It's literally a chore. >:C there isn't a deeper meaning behind thinking video games are more fun than a chore.

It's not anxiety, Chief, I just don't want to do chores/work I'm uninterested in.

Having a frequent, consistent deadline has done more than anything else, but because it causes anxiety and sucks all the fun out of procrastinating.