badRLplayer t1_j17xd60 wrote on December 22, 2022 at 9:08 AM

Reply to comment by [deleted] in [image] by _Cautious_Memory

Yup. I have identified that trying to do the work would make me feel bad, so I'm trying to do anything else. And anything else feels better. How do I stop that?

Cadmium_Aloy t1_j19bshh wrote on December 22, 2022 at 4:57 PM

If there's no one in your life who can gently teach you how to regulate your emotions, this is where therapy can be helpful and has changed my life.

In essence I believe you are saying that you are unable to manage big emotions- which is very human and not your fault. We all have to be taught this! And if our parents didn't teach us (mine didn't), or another family member or a teacher or maybe a sports coach didn't... Who was left to teach you?

When you learn how to calm yourself past those big emotions you can access your rational brain again. Literally when you are "triggered" and start experiencing a Trauma response, you can't access your prefrontal cortex. I've been learning this over the past year, and personally I have found after everything I've tried, just learning how the brain works (and it isn't as complicated as I feared) has really helped me understand where the "inner critic" comes from- makes it a lot easier to tell it to stfu and be nice to you lol. I hope that helps?

(I want to add that avoiding things makes me feel better too. My main response to danger is to run away, or in modern terms, avoid things)

DateMasamune2 t1_j18db2y wrote on December 22, 2022 at 12:35 PM

Why would it make you feel bad?

everything_is_penis t1_j18qkc5 wrote on December 22, 2022 at 2:31 PM

For me, it's the overwhelm. In constantly trying to tend to urgencies, all the stuff I'm scheduled/supposed to be doing gets procrastinated on, and I justify it, because I'm putting out fires as they pop up.

ph1294 t1_j194gdr wrote on December 22, 2022 at 4:09 PM

This sounds like burnout.

You should try to focus on one important project at a time, instead of spreading your attention to many things.

Choose something you know you’ll enjoy first, ideally with a relatively soon payoff. Then keep rolling to the next thing from there, but keep focused on one thing. Soon you’ll build momentum again.

StudsTurkleton t1_j19b7io wrote on December 22, 2022 at 4:53 PM

It helps me to remember that urgent and important are two distinct dimensions. Sometimes urgency (or that perception) gives the impression of importance. But if it’s not important, maybe I don’t need to do it, or I can satisfice it quickly, off load it, or just reprioritize it below the things that are actually important.

Urgent AND important, that’s priority.

And if everything is important? I’m not deducing importance correctly.