You've got food in your belly and a roof over your head. None of these things will change much whether you work hard or not. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with just stagnating... working whatever stuff is available and only doing enough to get by. Millions of people do it every day.

It's not fun or popular to talk about but... people are not really motivated by positive stuff so much. Those Olympic athletes who say "oh, I just wanna be the very best!" are bullshitting you. Everybody wants to be the very best. Everybody wants to see their name in print, or report on a big story, or have a thriving career. Just wanting stuff and having goals is not enough.

I'm very much the same shiftless layabout that you are, just a decade older. My brothers, though, are both really motivated big-shots. In their case, and in the case of everyone that I've seen who is really successful, the motivation is fear. Fear of failure. Fear that not doing 120% today will lead to disaster tomorrow or 10 years down the line.

You (and I) have the opposite: fear of success. You're afraid that something will change irrevocably when you actually become "a real" journalist. Nobody will take you seriously. It'll be a disaster, etc. Think about what happened in the past when you "succeeded." Maybe it really was a disaster. But... you know, "real" journalists don't know what they're doing either. I'm sure you've already realized this intellectually, but it's important to realize that "real" journalists write copy that is mostly used to line birdcages, clean up spills, and wrap fish. Very rarely do people actually read a newspaper anymore.

You mentioned journalists don't make any money. If your goal is just to make money, there's hundreds of dull office jobs that make you boatloads of money. They're always called something very vague like "Systems Analyst" or "Software Consultant" but they usually just boil down to playing around with some pivot tables in Excel. In other words, something any trained monkey could do. Because your dad has money, he probably knows some businessmen that need an Excel-jockey or even someone to just proofread their emails. Nobody dreams of being an Administrative Assistant, but if you're looking to make money it's a heck of a lot better than folding clothes. If your dad has no connections, just sign up for a temp-gig. Offices always need asses in seats, and they prefer to hire from the temp pool because they know what they're getting. Hope this helps!