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crujones33 t1_j05h9ac wrote

Reply to comment by likethevegetable in [Image] Randomly came across this on Instagram and it really hit me by maximum-aloofness

What if you don’t like yourself today?

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DickieJohnson t1_j05ma19 wrote

Try again tomorrow.

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crujones33 t1_j05r1o4 wrote

Most days I don’t so chances are tomorrow won’t work either.

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RequiredPsycho t1_j05slep wrote

There's a non zero chance you can enjoy something about yourself when you look back on these days, so take it in and give your future self a chance to feel different

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RodmansSecurity t1_j0687t9 wrote

Can you do things that would increase the chances that you’d like yourself over time? Perhaps start there. No one knows for certain what the future holds.

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Wastenotwant t1_j06av1j wrote

Learn who taught you to hate yourself. They probably had an agenda.

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crujones33 t1_j06g5fd wrote

That would be me.

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Wastenotwant t1_j0b7hdd wrote

I question that, friend. Most children don't have that kind of facility, this is someone whispering or shouting in your ear.

In my case, it was my dysfunctional family. You Always Have a Victim/Scapegoat if They Are Too Crippled To Leave!

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crujones33 t1_j0dj6ff wrote

I’m 48. I’ve made bad choices in my adult years that have led to a very sub-optimal life and I’m paying for it.

I’m very overweight and that is a direct result of bad decisions or lack of good decisions on my part.

I’m lonely and miserable because of social awkwardness/shyness that I didn’t deal with over the years.

I spent years getting low wages because I was too afraid to speak up for myself or look for better-paying jobs.

I know whose fault it is that I’m not happy: mine.

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Wastenotwant t1_j0g2ifr wrote

Awareness is the first step.

You ain't dead yet, friend. Don't give up on yourself.

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crujones33 t1_j0tl2x1 wrote

It comes and goes. Some days I think “why bother?” and other days I make long term plans. Especially with my recent break up, I really need to follow those plans.

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gnarbee t1_j06nwf4 wrote

Hmm, what’s on my agenda for today.. ah yes. Here we are. 1. Make Tom hate himself.

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Wastenotwant t1_j0b7bsr wrote

Well, in the case of my Ubpd father and Emom, "Make sure she feels incapable of the minutest of tasks so she never leaves home."

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jacobfreeman88 t1_j0761u2 wrote

I’d say if you don’t like yourself, you have reasons for not liking yourself, and I think in my personal opinion it’s useless to hear to “like yourself”. If you don’t like yourself you will know you’re faking it, which will make it worse. Kind of like faking a smile. A lot of pseudo psychologist used to think that helped you feel happier but if you know you’re faking it it actually makes it worse. We’re too smart to trick ourselves like that.

My opinion is if you don’t like yourself try to do some stuff that’s difficult, but not too difficult. Possibly something physical(jog, lift weights, play basketball, join a gym, do yoga). Also, If the area you spend most of your time is messy, that doesn’t help with how you feel about yourself.

Start focusing on how the people you love feel, instead of you. Slowly you’ll start to feel better and hopefully that leads to a positive loop for you.

Another thing to mention is doing all those things will also make your life better in a lot of ways. So even if it feels selfless it’s actually selfish, cause you get back way more than you give.

Occasionally you get burned but you can’t have expectations from others, just yourself.

Edit: don’t give up on liking yourself.

I find the people that don’t like themselves are the best people, cause they are aware that something is fucked up.

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Foxsayy t1_j077lsy wrote

My suggestion is therapy.

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jacobfreeman88 t1_j077t9h wrote

I would recommend that too, Sometimes that’s a hard first step, also sometimes it’s not an option. Good luck.

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crujones33 t1_j0dlerk wrote

It’s on my to do list. I have to figure out issues with health insurance so I don’t get stuck with a large bill.

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crujones33 t1_j0dqm8z wrote

>I’d say if you don’t like yourself, you have reasons for not liking yourself,

Yes I do. I don’t recall if I listed them in this post in another comment or another post.

>and I think in my personal opinion it’s useless to hear to “like yourself”.

Yes, I hate this advice too. It’s up there with “stop being shy”.

>My opinion is if you don’t like yourself try to do some stuff that’s difficult, but not too difficult.

Why? What does this accomplish?

>Another thing to mention is doing all those things will also make your life better in a lot of ways. So even if it feels selfless it’s actually selfish, cause you get back way more than you give.

I concur.

>Occasionally you get burned but you can’t have expectations from others, just yourself.

It’s based on my expectations. My ex-girlfriend had better expectations of me than I do. Most people have better expectations of me than I do. Maybe it’s because of how much time I sit in my own headspace.

>Edit: don’t give up on liking yourself.

I haven’t, yet.

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jacobfreeman88 t1_j0fj317 wrote

Doing something difficult (but not too difficult) is instilling in us a sense of accomplishment and confidence in our ability to do thing. I find with sooo many distractions we stop doing the things we really want to do, deep down. And that makes us feel like we actually can’t do things. At least that’s my experience. Also with social media you’re bombarded with people doing amazing and achieving stuff.

It’s kinda like this study I watched on the effects of porn on confidence. If you watch other men with other women long enough, it does something to our primitive brains. That monkey part of the brain that was pushed aside by a bigger stronger male for mating purposes. I’m being silly but there’s truth in that.

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crujones33 t1_j0tl99e wrote

A lot of this makes sense. I find myself doing time-wasting, unproductive, low-effort crap instead of things I want to do.

The porn stuff makes sense too.

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