anomnnomnom t1_ism0acv wrote on October 16, 2022 at 11:55 PM

Reply to comment by Friendlyy_Lemon in [Image] Discipline by Scandroid99

Something that is often overlooked with self discipline is self compassion, because if you don't have self compassion self discipline will feel very unpleasant and hard to stick at it. Self compassion makes self discipline so much easier.

tormundgiantbrain t1_isoeour wrote on October 17, 2022 at 2:28 PM

This is a great perspective! Why be disciplined when you don't think you are worth it? Damn thanks for the early morning paradigm shift

anomnnomnom t1_isq681e wrote on October 17, 2022 at 9:41 PM

Not only that, but the way you speak to yourself in the process or "self disciplining." I had a realisation around my own way of treating myself when I thought,

"if I saw someone walking down the street and they had someone walking alongside them speaking to that person the way I speak to myself, what would I think of the person saying those things?"

It suddenly dawned on me how awful I can treat myself and I've been working on it ever since, over 3 years now, and it's made such a difference but I still do it but not as much and stop myself if I am feeling bad about anything unnecessarily, and through working on self compassion, self discipline became something I could stick with because it didn't feel so abusive to myself.

tormundgiantbrain t1_isq8ajf wrote on October 17, 2022 at 9:55 PM

I had a very similar experience. Was very carefree and a tad lazy in my teens and early 20s, so mid 20s I started to force myself to be more organized and disciplined which was what I needed honestly but looking back at the self dialogue it was very harsh. Then I got used to that harsh inner voice being the norm and my work ethic and accomplishments just never seemed good enough. I kept the nose to the grindstone but at great personal cost to my happiness and relationships. Now the idea of being disciplined seems kinda icky and I guarantee it is my inner self saying "enough" to the brutal task master. There is a healthy balance in there somewhere and your comment about the self compassion aspect of discipline has totally changed my perspective on it so thank you!

anomnnomnom t1_isqqd5e wrote on October 18, 2022 at 12:17 AM

I had a similar realisation where it wasn't the work that was making my body and brain say, "enough" but the abuse I would give myself even just by the feelings of anxiety and stress to "must get it done or else." Was what I couldnt tolerate.

These things can become a habit and we often don't realise I think that it is just a habitual way of thinking and not reality a lot of the time. The same can happen with people who wish to lose weight and they can be skinny but they still have the "habit" of seeing themselves as fat (not the same as anorexia but part of that is habituated behaviours for sure).

A great way to find these troublesome thoughts is by looking for when you are saying to yourself, "should" or "should not" and I have found that questioning these shoulds and should nots has lead me to explore whether they are actually benefiting me or just left over unhelpful ways of being left over from childhood.