Why you have to wait so long to get an apartment? You don't have to save up for them - you just get one that matches your salary. If you have no place "safe" to go home to, it could be making it hard to do anything constructive

Maybe find a place to do all the things you want to do outside of the house. After all the more time spent away from the house is probably better for your mental health.

I agree, try to find a place outside your home that's less stifling.

I'd also recommend therapy or counseling. I know it's a lot to ask of yourself to spend the money and time on it when you feel so drained and broke, but a good therapist can help you with things like changing how you react to your parents in a healthier way, finding ways to budget your time & changing unhealthy habits (you mentioned twice you don't like spending so much time scrolling), and even how to budget money so you can move out sooner. They aren't necessarily only 'Sit On Couch Talk About Feelings'. Therapy is a great investment in yourself, you just have to find one you feel comfortable with and who really helps you with what you need.

I do understand that it can be daunting to find someone to talk to, so I recommend doing a search and reading a few good articles on how to find a therapist that works for you.

And I'm really glad you reached out. That can be very hard to do in any situation, let along one as frustrating as yours. Be proud that you want to make progress and are trying.

I agree with doing more out of the house. Perhaps you could bike or walk to and from work and that would help improve your physical health. Maybe too if you are unable to get out of the YouTube scroll rabbit hole, start doing some research there about mental health, particularly as it pertains to trauma and how that affects how the brain functions. It's hard to say what it is that causes your parents to behave the way they do, but doing some research into these might give you some insight into their behaviors as well as your own. It sounds like everyone in the house is suffering from depression at the very least. It's possible that your parents are not able to admit that they need help. Maybe they can't afford mental health care.

One thing you have going for you is that you are willing to admit that there is a problem, which is the first step toward finding a solution, at least for your own sake.

As far as your mom goes, the best way to deal with her is to not allow her bold opinions to allow you to become angry. Don't let her bait you. You can't control what she thinks or says, but you can control how you allow it to make you feel. Take ownership of your emotions and do not allow someone else to "make" you feel some kind of way. Ultimately you get to choose, by just letting it go.

There are endless resources on YouTube about mindfulness and self-control. In fact, self-control is the only control we actually have. We don't pick what happens to us but we do choose how to respond. Your parents might be assholes but you can choose to learn from their anti-example. Let not wanting to be like them become your motivation.

Good luck young person!

Discipline is knowing what you can control and what you cant control. Make a list. Know the facts even if they aren't willing to accept them. Work from there.

On another note, I'm gonna say that the most discipline thing you can do in a toxic house is move out, or become homeless, Because peace is priceless at the end of the day, it's what your willing to sacrifice. Unless your obligated or required by law to stay in this toxic environment of course by all means ,build discipline. Having people you can't trust or people you think might put you in harms way given the opportunity ,is like putting your whole life in jeopardy though. It's others that will often make you feel like you need to pay for peace, and that is simply not the case.

I had to delete YouTube and Instagram off my phone to stop scrolling habits. I end up just looking up videos I want instead ones they suggest in my browser never clicking on anything I’m not searching for. You could either anticipate the bs chores and start before dad gets home while ignoring mom by listening to music or podcast lightly on speaker phone (maybe there is a band you both like idk) or lie about getting extra hours at work or school and chill at the library or a $10 a month planet fitness membership if you have. Many places offer student discounts so scout out those options to while your parents think your working an extra two hours. Maybe some friends have some personal goals fitness, reading more, practicing a skill and you can set up a daily accountability text chain linking videos of you doing push ups or summary of what you learned or you practicing guitar you get the idea. Don’t scorn your parents even if they are shitty people you got a roof and a plate and that’s all they have to provide. pity they’re mean nature as they probably have some shit they never worked through that causes them to lash out, you must not become what you hate. I think you’d be into Stoic philosophy quotes just to help accept what’s out of your control and accept responsibility for what is your attitude and effort. Good luck you can do this.

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Don't engage with them - they're baiting you into toxic conversation. When they start, simply say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away. "Don't feed the monster", my therapist used to say. My mother lived for conflict and disagreement. I spent way too many years and energy trying to change the dynamic with her. This one statement saved me a lot of misery. A toxic person can't argue alone. Wishing you the best!

First thing's first, don't beat yourself up. You're doing great! Understanding where you're stuck and wanting to break the cycle, of which, is already part of a larger plan to get out of that toxic environment, is really really great and you should be proud of yourself for everything you recognized and accomplished in this so far. Not many people are able to break those cycles or even recognize they're part of it. So make sure you're commending yourself because you've already done a lot and come really far.

I give this advice as I went through a similar experience growing up. You may need to just tweak what you're already doing, just a bit, to change the pattern. Someone suggested getting out of the house which is a great idea. If you're able to get up early and leave for a walk or a run in the morning before starting your day and focusing on positives and your goals while doing that helps start your day. Then also, at the end of your morning routine, think about the bad things that you know are going to happen or be said from your parents and that you don't have any control over. Just accept that it's going to happen and you can't control that. Making peace with what you can't control while also not condoning it as appropriate behavior is great for personal peace of mind.

I don't know about your life but finding another job or a job that pays more may help. You may need to just adjust your resume slightly to get a pay bump so you can afford to get out of there quicker. I hope this helps and good luck! We're all rooting for you!

This. When I stayed with my parents I will always try to stay out as late as I possibly can. Don’t even have to use much money to do so too (like pack ur own lunch/dinner, stay in a library or park, visit a friends place to hang around and motivate each other to do things, and such).

Outside home activities. Community theatre kept me busy and sane. But there’s other things like volunteering at the food pantry or after school clubs in your area. Volunteer in the community can take a lot of time and be rewarding.

I left the house immediately at the age of 18 went to college and lived in a dorm on campus. Student debt negative points but mental sanity was so worth it for me.

Strategy: “grey rocking” look it up best of luck

Sending hugs!

I dont understand what you are going through... but i can promise you if you just take a leap and rent a room from somone you will find peace, independance, and freedom. It will so be worth it!

Sometimes if you work at a self storage facility, they have a unit onsite you can rent out. Or if it was the begining of summer instead of the end working at a boy scout camp or farm you wouldnt have to pay rent and could save up a little.

Also therapy may help if u find the right therapist. Parents, grandparents, siblings, or a local church maybe able to help you pay for that. Dont be scared. Just ask ;)

Once again, know that we care and want you to have a good life asap. Always keep believing things will get better! I promise you they will :) Hugs!

It’s very hard to have motivation when you’re in that toxic environment. It’s sucks all the drive out of you. I would spend as much time out of the house as possible and stop living in the future. Do something to get out every day. Even if it’s putting away $5. Be kind to yourself. Your brain gets muddled in these situations.

Can you go to a library to work?

Also look up the term gray rock. That is how you deal with people like your parents. You don't respond you say as little as possible and you become a gray rock. That way you're not feeding into the problem and they can't get a rise out of you and get some satisfaction from doing so.

Omg, therapy. Yes. Invest in yourself. You can't change your parents, but you can learn to change how you react to the situations you find yourself in.

And absolutely throwing my vote into the "get out of the house" hat. Not sure what your transportation situation or your cityscape looks like, hopefully it's manageable. A public library has a tremendous amount of resources. If you want to be alone you can book a study room, they offer programs or art shows or chat groups. And if you take a nap in a library nobody cares, at least in my experience no one has cared.

I also want to suggest the idea of volunteering. If you feel like you have time, and again transportation allows it, volunteering a couple hours a week gets you great resume fodder, connections, access to people that are perhaps healthier examples of humans, and it is definitely a mood booster.

You're in the slog. You've got a goal and you're working toward it. Keep slogging, you'll get there. And! If you need to just take a break and scroll, that's okay. Be patient with and kind to yourself. Hugs.

THIS THIS THIS

Go to the library. It's quiet. Nobody bothers you. It's cheap. Lots of other people there trying to learn too.

Stay as much away from the house as possible. Just sleep, eat, get up and go.

Also try not absorbing and practise deflection phrases. "sounds like YOUR not happy", "YOU will figure it out", "sorry but i can't talk" , "I am busy/need to sleep", etc etc. Don't wait for a response, keep moving.