After reading your story, I just want to share mine. I think you'll be surprised :)

I was never a popular kid until I was 16, then I started boxing, disciplined myself, I was very careful about my self care. My self confidence started to grow, I started to feel like I am capable of doing everything. When I was 17, I had my first gf in my life. She was very problematic, while I was taking care of her, handling situations, keeping her any my siht togeter, she was periodically mentioning her ex and comparing me to him. At some point I realised that it is hurting me and making me feel not good enough, so I dumped her. This realationship took 6-7 months of my life. That year was my year to prepare for collage. I fucked it up, so i decided to give it another try next year.

Approximately 3 months later when I am 18, I met with this girl, she was the most beautiful girl in the school, every guy was hitting on her and she was hitting on me. We started dating, which eventually turned into a 5 year relationship. 4 years of it was from distance. She was just as jealous as yours, she was constantly downgrading me to keep me. I was a loyal boyfriend all my collage life long. But I was constantly being accused of disloyalty etc. She was jealous and insecure, she also had anxiety. So as a good boyfriend, I was trying to avoid situations which may upset her and trigger her anxiety. Before I decide to do this for love, I was a popular, handsome man with masculine energy, who felt like he is capable of doing anything that he puts on his mind. Then my popularity, my masculinity, my capability, my self confidence started to fade slowly, without me even realising it. I was constantly getting gaslighted. When she finished consuming and downgrading me to a level where I was not a good fit for her anymore, she cheated on me for a year and dumped me in the first day of us meeting after 6 months.

I was devastated, when she dumped me I was 23, and as a 23 year old man I felt like a 15 year old child. All the charm, all the perks that I have gained when I was 16 to 18 were gone. I had no girl friends around, I havent been speaking with opposide gender for the last 3 years or so. I had no fucking idea about how to flirt, how to date, how to speak with a girl anymore. She basically took everything from me. It took 2 months to get my shit together. I started grinding again. I started training again, started to take care of myself again etc... After 4 months, I started to have the same energy, same aura, same confidence again. I found myself again. I was not picked by ladies, I was the one who was picking again. Then I met with an another girl who did not have the shitty qualities of my ex. She was beutiful, she was a nice person, she was sexy, she had much more similar world-view with me. But this time, she had dad issues. She was insecure. In those 3 years I had 1000 times more fun with her compared to my ex. But still, that insecurity turned into jealousy, but this time around I was smart. I was not going to restrain myself this time. But the fuck sake, pandemic started!

I graduated from civil engineering in pandemic. But I was not able to find a job and start working due to lockdown. I was stuck inside my fucking house for 6-8 months. We were still together with her. But thanks to pandemic and lockdown, I was isolated once again. While I was isolated her jealousy and attempts of downgrading me became effective. After 3 years of relationship, she found a bullshit excuse to dump me, this time I took it well though and immediately started working on myself. At that time I decided that I do not want to be a civil engineer and registered into a 8 month JAVA programming bootcamp. I am at the 7th month of it right now. I am hitting to gym for 5 months, I started socialising again etc.

I am 26 right now. I have fallen twice, I have recovered twice, got up stronger twice! You know what they say, third time's the charm. When you hit rock bottom you know there is one direction to go. Stay strong, stay disciplined, focus on your mission, focus on your ultimate goal. Climb the stairs of your path to success. Do not try to calculate how much steps left, it doesn't matter. Just go one more step each time and eventually, you will achieve your dreams! In the meantime enjoy the journey, not the destination! Enjoy and embrace the grind, pain and suffering you are going through, because that makes the difference between a boy and a man.