Sounds like you need some help brother, too many people have been dumping stuff on you since you were too young, and not enough of it has been help. Dunno if you can afford therapy, but it would be good. If not, maybe a support group. Not saying what happened to you shouldn't cause you any pain but the way you describe it, it sounds intensely antagonistic directly towards you in a sense that usually isn't what's actually taking place.

I hope you take a break from dating as well as carrying others' problems and really really really focus on dealing with your own. Not so that you can help others carry theirs, not so you can go find a healthy relationship (though those tend to follow) but to put down some of the ones you've been holding on to yourself. You said yourself you're healing, and the way you talk about this shows you think more about emotions and their sources than most folk, but we all need a helping hand.

Anyways wrong subreddit fam.