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Saint_Chrispy1 t1_j6n0eau wrote

Try joining a for fun bowling league, many FB groups out there for things like group hiking.

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6n2e0c wrote

Not a bad idea. I checked meet up and there was nothing really appealing to me.

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Saint_Chrispy1 t1_j6n37zs wrote

Also things like darts leagues, pool leagues... If your kids are in school join the PTA and meet other parents

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Yum_Kaax t1_j6nwqdu wrote

Birdwatching is a lot of fun and opportunity to get outdoors and meet others. Great for mental health. Ctbirding.org is the starting point. Just need a pair of binoculars and if you get into it's a fancy camera.

I "collect" bird species like others collect baseball cards. Always looking to see a bird I haven't seen before. It satisfies a certain bit of OCD and the "completionist" part of my personality.

Being actually out there takes you to new places, great exercise and fresh air, and plenty of other birders to meet at the hotspots who are eager to teach you. So go birding for a morning and then go treat yourself to a different social activity like having a beer at a brewery and some lunch. people at breweries are often happy to chat about stuff.

If your looking to talk about more serious issues, the a support group is the way to start. People talk about serious things with friends but it's only good to do with old friends, not new ones. Don't want to scare them away. So separate the two: work to make new casual friends (birding, brewery) and also find a support group to get your more complicated feelings out. In time, the new friends will become old friends.

Good luck

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6nxmxd wrote

I collect baseball cards already.

“Bird watching” was partially what got me into trouble

Thanks for the advice I’ll take it in stride

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ericfromct t1_j6nz84g wrote

LMAO I'm pretty sure you're not talking about flying birds here, actual bird watching is fun. And a good excuse to get out of the house and go somewhere

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6o7oj6 wrote

Lol glad someone got my humor

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ericfromct t1_j6opso7 wrote

It was great, same type of humor as me so right up my alley lol. Quick witty responses are the best

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Yum_Kaax t1_j6o04p3 wrote

May I ask what it was about bird watching that caused an issue? Seems like there is a story there and it's probably not what I would expect.

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6o82sq wrote

I was mad at my partner after a few days of arguing and drunkenly downloaded tinder because I was hurt, lonely, alone and drunk. Didn’t do anything on the app, but somehow convinced a girl friend of mine to send me a nude picture. Partner saw everything when I stupidly left my Apple Watch at home.

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Yum_Kaax t1_j6o8d2e wrote

Ah, so nothing to do with birding but a joke. Sounds like that was a mistake, but a human mistake. Your partner judged you for it, you won't get any judgement from me. Thanks for explaining it.

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6o8p86 wrote

But I also cheated on her (or tried to) about a year after we first started dating. She forgave me for that but this idk I feel like this I hurt her way more

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Yum_Kaax t1_j6o9spd wrote

I think that pointing out wrongdoing is not going to help you here, and what may be needed is just an acceptance that damage done cannot always be undone. But you still need to care for yourself no matter how bad you feel about your role in this. Just as she needs to do the same. There was once a time when she saw something good in you and you need to find yourself back to that place, that state of mind, even if it's without her.

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ccorbs89 OP t1_j6ob1wm wrote

Ya. I’m trying not to do that as we have a house, family and life together

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Yum_Kaax t1_j6ogy7n wrote

Well, the idea is that you understand where you need to be as the priority in your life, which, if you two can get through this, is also where you need to be for your family. However the feelings of your partner is not in your control, so you could do everything right to be in the place you need to be while she simply chooses to not be with you.

The partner and family is a priority, but one cannot better themselves for the sake of their family. It doesn't work that way. You have to do it for yourself and let gravity do the rest. Otherwise you wind up with the 'i did it all for them" which tends to cause a massive nosedive if the hurt cannot be reconciled. Sort of a way of saying "hey, I made all these changes, I did the work, if you choose to leave me, it's now all your fault." Sort of absolves a person from blame when the original problem may still remain in your partners mind. As I said, learn to accept that she may not be able to reconcile the past no matter what you do.

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