maxanderson350 t1_iujasg0 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:26 PM

Reply to comment by ertebolle in Outrageous ideologues running for Board of Education in your town? by Throwaway103122CT

I agree that my approach is risky - I just see it as the lesser of two bad options.

EarthExile t1_iujdb9x wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:43 PM

What is the potential harm that outing children averts? I honestly have been trying to think of anything.

maxanderson350 t1_iujeayi wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:49 PM

I listed the 4 above.

EarthExile t1_iujgg6z wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:03 PM

Your points imply that there is some risk inherent to kids being gay and their parents not knowing yet, but I don't see the actual harm there. I am very familiar with the harm inherent in outing people, even adults- they can face ostracism, abuse, discrimination, lose their jobs, etc. But the other side of the coin is not apparent to me at all.

maxanderson350 t1_iujnhdv wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:51 PM

The harms I see off the top of my head are:

- breaking the trust and bonds between parents and child;

- preventing the parents from providing often crucial guidance to their child, including access to medical care (e.g. Prep or MP vax);

- having the parents teach their child completely useless sex ed instead of things that the child actually needs to know given their orientation.

I see these harms as more salient in 2022 Connecticut than a risk of a teenage losing her job because of being a lesbian or facing discrimination.

EarthExile t1_iujpd1j wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:04 PM

Maybe this is the difference between us, you're speaking from the perspective of a parent who is open and welcoming of their kid, and wants to do right by them. But I doubt you're the kind of parent whose kid would feel the need to conceal themselves from you.

I'm thinking about the parents I had, the kinds of people who will take a kid's door off the hinges if they suspect there's masturbation taking place, or beat them savagely for 'seeming queer.' People like that don't have a trusting bond in the first place, just authority and wants.

If I told my parents I was gay, they wouldn't customize my sex education and get me on prep, they'd kick my ass and keep me from my friends.

maxanderson350 t1_iujqrwz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:15 PM

That's part of the difference, but another aspect of my opinion I think arises from what I think young gay men need - access to medications that keep them safe and that is where parental knowledge is crucial. Too many young gay kids unreasonably fear their parents' reaction and thus don't come out to them, while at the same time engaging in unsafe practices that they can't get protection for because their parents don't know about it. I see that as the bigger risk to young gay men that rejection or ostracism - maybe in the 1990s, but not today.

ertebolle t1_iujfvad wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:00 PM

Again, if the school would out the kid and the kid doesn’t want to be outed, that’s not going to result in the parents finding out - it’s just going to mean the kid has to hide their identity at school so the school doesn’t out them.

So there’s little possibility that this would enable parents to help their kid - absent the kid making a mistake, they’re not going to find out either way, you’re just taking away the one other potential safe space the kid had.