One question that hasn't been raised is: for your three office days in NYC each week, what hours do you have to keep?

Several years ago, I spent one day a week in an office near Wall Street & Water Street. I live near Bradley, and I took Amtrak from the Windsor Locks station....but I only needed to be in the office from "around 10" until "around 4". Those were really long days, however....and not something I would have wanted to do more than once a week.

My suggestions:

• Sit down with a map and some transit schedules, and figure out what is most likely to be the least-bad option given work schedules, or preferences of early-rising/late-return home, etc. Remember that there are transit options for your wife to get into West Hartford (rail+bus or bus). I'd probably start by looking at places within easy reach of the Waterbury or New Haven stations, out of deference to your wife's need to be in West Hartford daily.
• Unless you're being paid enough to easily eat the cost of a hotel room in the city, or unless you can negotiate your employer covering the cost of a hotel room....this arrangement is probably going to really suck. At least one of you might want to start looking for a new job, unless you really enjoy spending time on the train. I know there are many people who regularly have long commutes into the city without issue; hopefully you're one of them. But if you aren't....